Sa :D

Eugenics

2010-07-29T21:32:00.003+08:00

Eugenics - the betterment of the human race through selective sterilization, abortions, and/or euthanasia.

What is with the concept of eugenics anyway?
Scientists look at the human gene pool, they see and determine which genes are defects - such as insane, idiocy, feebleminded etc., and they determine which are good traits, e.g. elegance, incorrupt, etc.
Many people we know practiced eugenics throughout history, the most prominent example I can think of; Hitler.

Hitler had the desire to make Germany racially pure, to get rid of non-Aryans, e.g., the Jews.
He started of with selective sterilization, abortions, and encouragement of reproduction between racially pure Aryan women and men.
Then he went to the extreme - the Holocaust.

But who has the say; who has the right to play God, and determine which character traits are defects and which are good?
Which society gets to set the standard for the 'best breed' of humans?
This is where conflicting ideology sets me off.

Just because one culture deems another as racially unpure, doesn't mean it is.
Why in the first place get the idea that that particular race is unpure?
I think it is clearly born from xenophobia.
Just because another person looks different from you, has different habits, or speak differently, doesn't mean that he is beneath you.
You may never have thought that he, from his perspective, may view you as the lower class.

Just because their culture and practices are different from yours, doesn't mean that his moral values aren't there, it just means that he has different ways of expressing it.
Just because they do not express it the same way as you do, and just because you, cannot comprehend nor interpret these signs and shows of concern, thus conclude that they are beneath you, and you only reach this conclusion because of you inability to comprehend and think flexibly.

Men are full of their ego; what they think is right, stays right.
And that is how they mould their minds into thinking that their culture is the best.
I'm not pinpointing any race, culture, or what-you-have.
I'm just pointing out examples from the past - like Vermont.
The whites were predominant there, though they were not the settlers.
They were bent on eliminating the Gypsies, Indians, and other inapt races from the pure Vermonts.
But to me, it was just their own xenophobia that drove that desire to rid their town of the unknown.

Just because one Gypsy may have committed murder, doesn't mean that he is not human.
Yes, murder is inhumane, but have they ever looked at the cause for it, and not the action?
No doubt, there were Gypsies and Indians held at camps and institutions - because they were deemed of having 'defects' in their genetics - just like concentration camps in Germany.
What if that Gypsy committed murder, because one of the Vermonts had killed someone in the camp, someone supposedly, a beloved family member of the accused?
Would you do the same?
Would you demand justice be done to whoever had killed your, let's say, father?
And would you, knowing that if you, a genetically defect person, brought the case to court, it would be dismissed just because of the previous fact, take justice into your own hands, just because you know it is a human right?
Would you?

Eugenics still exist in our modern world.
But now we most closely associate it with designer babies - babies that are genetically modified when they are just sperm and egg, so that 'undesirable' traits may be removed before the baby is even put into the womb.
In my opinion, this is much more humane, because most people do this to remove illnesses from their babies, and not modify them so that they may be 'good' or 'better'.
They remove heritable illness to protect their child - so that he may not need to bear the brunt of the illness when he grows up, ill and frail.
I guess it's just the parent's love for their unborn child.

But yet, some people purposely make a designer baby, to use it's body, to save another child they have.
They purposely modify their baby so that he may have all the traits to save the other.
Maybe it's commendable that the parents love their child so much that they'd sacrifice another to save the former.
But what about the other baby?
How'd it feel going in and out the hospital on a regular basis?
Where is justice to that baby, then?

Also, my di brought up the concept of 'survival of the fittest'.
What do we deem as survival of the fittest?
In this modern day context, yes, the people who have brains and are capable of handling advanced technology would be the successful ones, and would be the ones who climb up the corporate ladder.
And these will be the people who look down on others in less-advanced societies, because they cannot achieve the same.

But what if we go back to the basics?
Let's say, for example, that the world is reaching an apocalypse.
It's gonna end.
Then we won't have all these high tech gadgets to save us.
It would just be nature and us.
Now, who will survive then?
Definately not those at the top of the corporate ladder, but those who are 'backward'.

Those who live in harmony with nature, those who appreciate it.
Those who are deemed with 'defects' in their genes.
They know how to live with the land, we know how to live off it.

So really, who is the less capable now?
Who will really survive the end of the world?
Who really will be deemed as the fittest?

Just another illustration:
During the last ice age, where almost all humans were wiped out, only about 12 thousand humans survived (if I have my facts right), and these were the last few who re-populated the world.
And these last humans were Africans.

Food for thought.

All this is just my completely honest opinion about eugenics.
It should be thoroughly scraped.
We have our human rights to reproduce as we want, and to choose who we want to reproduce with.
We do not have a 'model human being' to follow.
No one has to right to decide which traits are better.
And we, certainly are not cows.

Faith

2010-07-18T19:55:00.004+08:00

I haven't written a story in the longest time because I am the biggest procrastinator on Earth.
Surprisingly, I finished this story in a span of 2 hours.
Certainly my fastest ever.
I guess I'm making up for lost time, lol.
Though that doesn't really help much.

But anyway, hope whoever's gonna read it, that you'd enjoy ;)

A/N: Story dedicated to my lovely brother, LGY.
Thanks also to Dr. Cindy Childress who taught me how to give my characters life and depth. Also to the panel discussion w writers from all over the world that inspired this story’s format.

Faith

Letters from one lover to another that didn’t care.

…

14th June 2009

Baby,

I was late for school today. But I didn’t care, as usual. I thought it just and the natural thing to do; just, because I was spending time with you yesterday. I didn’t tell you, but I had to scour every part of my house just to find that extra cash to call a cab and get myself to your – our as I would like to say – house.

As usual, when you opened the door, my stomach flipped and my heart raced, just like how every clichéd girl-in-love would say she experienced. But it’s true, baby, it really is. I always get the jitters when I’m with you. Though you may not feel the same way, but I certainly do. And even though it’s been two years since we’ve been together, I can’t get rid of that feeling, that anxiousness. I think I’d die with it.

I wanted to hug you when I saw you. I reached out and opened my arms, just like how fathers would when receiving their child into their arms. But you hit me and said, “don’t be stupid.” I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m sorry if I made you angry. I just wanted that hug, but I understand if it’s stupid to still expect a hug every time I see you, after all this while.

The bags I lugged there were heavy. In fact, I almost fell carrying them all up. I brought a lot of things for you, baby. But you didn’t even look and asked me to store them away tidily. And so I did. Alone, I unpacked everything – all the canned foods, the drinks, the snacks, and placed them in their respective areas. When I was done, I looked for you, and when I did, I encased you in a hug, of which you reciprocated, and instantly I smiled without even knowing it. Like those who try to act innocent, I looked up at you through heavy lashes, keeping my head adjusted in such a way that you’d be seeing my best angle. I wanted a kiss, but once again, you told me, “don’t be stupid.” And I knew that the moment had ended.

You went back to your computer, furiously typing away as you tried to win whatever online game you were hooked on to now. I knew better than to disturb you, and so I did not. I went about my own business, helping you tidy up your place. Keeping away my frown in an imagined duffel bag, I pictured myself throwing it out of the window, and hoping that it would land in some faraway sea. Forcing myself, I smiled, getting ready to do what I was expected to.

I started with the floor. I mopped and I scrubbed and I cleaned and I swept. With meticulous care I carried out each task, because I knew you were highly allergic to dust. I caught a glimpse of the clock hung on the wall; 4.39 am. It was late, and I was about to fall asleep standing. But you were still playing your game, and I didn’t want to disturb you. I didn’t want to make you angry. And so I continued, packing your room and the rest of the house. When I was finally done, you came up to me and said that it was late, and I had to go home. Without saying another word, you unlocked the door, and escorted me out, to where I would have to flag another cab just to get back home on time. Before the cab came though, you bent down to plant a soft kiss on my lips for a mere second, but in that second, I knew, that this night – and all that I’ve done, was worth it.

When I got home, I was too exhausted to rush for school, and so I was late. I’m so sorry baby, I hope you’ll forgive me one day.

Xxx
Faith.

…

21st June 2009

Baby,

I was just looking through our old photographs together. And I really miss the old times. Remember the first time we went to the beach together, baby? Well I’m not sure if you remember – not that I expect you to, I mean, it was so long ago; but I remember the whole day perfectly, and I know I’ll never forget, because it’s permanently etched in my mind.

You were different then.

When you came to fetch me, I remembered how good you looked. You were wearing that black polo tee that I bought for you, and the denim jeans we ripped together. The smell of your cologne hung unto me as you picked me up in a hug and swung me in a tiny circle before you let me down carefully because I said I was dizzy. I regret it now – the saying I was dizzy, because you don’t carry me now or swing me around or even hug me too often; and I miss all of that.

We walked to a nice shady spot of which you skillfully spotted, and I started to unpack all our things for the lovely picnic you planned. You said that you needed to go to the washroom, and so I counted to seconds before you would return. In the meantime, I hastily unpacked everything and settled them nicely, so that we could start eating when you came back. I knew you were hungry, I could hear your stomach complaining.

Suddenly, as I was settling down a glass, a pair of hands covered my eyes, impairing my vision. I forced down a scream as I heard a familiar voice asking me, “guess who?” I giggled, because you were so silly, and I guessed it right on my first go. “My clever girl, no one else can ever compare,” you told me. And then you did another thing that threw me off my feet. From behind you surfaced the biggest and most beautiful bouquet of pink roses I have ever seen, and my mouth formed the biggest ‘O’ that could possibly be formed. “For my one and only,” you said to me, and then you placed the bouquet gently in the crook of my arms. “Oh no, that’s not the end,” you told me, when I grinned at my flowers.

You took a step back, so that you were standing right in front of me, and pulled out yet another box from behind your back. At that point, I wondered exactly how many things you could hide behind your back, and pondered if – possibly, I could fit behind there, too. Out of nowhere, you fell to one knee, opened the box, and crooned in your most velvety voice –
“Faith, my love, my precious, my everything. Have I ever told you, how pretty you are, how lucky I am? And now, I want to be lucky forever. Will you marry me?”

I could have sworn my voice was frozen, and I was too, just like a statue. But I managed to joke how we were still young, because you were only nineteen then, and I, sixteen. Though I quickly added that yes, I was willing to marry you, because I knew there and then and even before, that you were The One, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of forever with you. “It’s ok,” you said, “I’ll wait. I’ll wait till we’re both older and possibly less fun.” I loved your sense of humor; you always knew how to make a tense situation feel like the most right thing on earth.

We continued with our picnic then, and I concluded that that day was for sure, the best day of my life.

Xxx
Faith.

…

29th June 2009

Baby,

I don’t know where we went wrong. But I guess I’m used to it. I came to your house again, as usual, where I brought the usual things, and did the usual chores, and you played your usual games. The usual, as usual.

I don’t know how long I can take this, baby. This routine has gone on for so long. I’m physically tired, but I never complain, because I don’t want to upset you. I’m mentally tired, but I’ve learnt to stop thinking about it, to numb the pain instead, because that makes it bearable.

I don’t know why we’re like this now, but I think I may know.

It was just another day, just another ordinary day. We were seated in our usual cinema, and, if my memory doesn’t fail me, I guess we were watching Harry Potter. Or some show that you wanted to catch. You had your arms around me, and we were sharing a drink – ice lemon tea, our favorite. After the movie ended, we purposely took the longer bus to my place, like how we always did. I remember you slipped me a letter, and I still have it now.

Faith, my baby, my love.

Have I ever told you how beautiful you are? I love how your eyes always light up when we’re together. I love how your lips pull themselves automatically into the most amazing smile I have ever seen in my life. I love how your hair shines with life and bounces so care freely of your shoulders. You are so, so, so, beautiful, and I don’t know what I did to deserve you picking me out of your long line of suitors. I love you, Faith, I really do, and xxx.

I can’t believe you wrote all those, but I knew I melted when I read it. You were such an amazing boyfriend, and that was why I picked you out of the rest.

But when we reached my house, you suddenly seemed angry and moody. I quickly followed your eyes to where you were so intensely glaring at, and I could have sworn that my eyes were going to pop out of my head. Sitting there, ever so intently, at my doorstep, was Josh – one of my ever-persistent suitors.

The minute Josh saw me, words shot out of his mouth as if it were a tap left on. The most ridiculous things poured out, of how we had spent a night together, of how we had had dinner together, and other crude things I would never have even dared to think of, must less actually carry them out with Josh. I started to protest and rebut his absurd claims, but I think you zoned out then, because you were just staring into nowhere, and not answering any of us.

I think I must have hurt you very bad. Because you didn’t listen to my explanation, even though I really swear I did not do anything of which Josh claimed. From then on, you just zoned out on me, and everything we did together. It really hurt me, too, because I hated the new you, but I abhorred myself even more for landing you in this state. I’m sorry, baby, I really am. I don’t know how I can ever make up the injustice I have so selfishly and thoughtlessly inflicted on you. But I still love you, baby. I will love you forever.

Xxx
Faith.

…

4th July 2009

Baby,

Why won’t you call me? Why won’t you reply my texts? Why won’t you talk to me?!! I am going crazy, baby, please don’t ignore me! Please baby, I don’t know what I did wrong, but not having you in my life for even a day kills me, and it’s been weeks, baby, weeks. Please don’t do this to me, baby. Please.

I’m sorry that I missed a spot on your couch, I’m sorry if I cried when you hit me because I didn’t do my job properly. I promise I won’t be so tardy the next time. I will do my best, and continue to do my best for you, because that’s what you deserve, baby, that’s exactly what you deserve.

Xxx
Faith

…

28th July 2009

Baby,

I’m sorry that I haven’t written to you for you long. My mind has been a blank ever since you left, but I know that you’re in a better place now, where I could never possibly hurt you. I hope you’re happy, baby, and I’m sorry for all you’ve had to endure whilst you were still here with me. I hope that you’d never have to experience those pains again, because an angel like you deserves so much more.

I really miss you, and I hope that I can hold you in my arms, again, but I know that you wouldn’t like that.
Take care, baby, and please be safe. I will miss you forever and ever.

Xxx
Faith.

…

A letter for Faith:

7th July 2009

My dearest Faith,

I’m sorry I had to leave you. I’m sorry, that for the past year, I’ve locked myself up, and kept myself as distant as possible from you. Faith, my honey, I hope that when I’m gone, that you’d find someone so much better for you, because I know I have not treated you with the respect and love that you ought to have had.

I guess I just couldn’t forgive myself for not protecting you from all your crazy suitors. I’m sorry, I failed you my darling. But now that I’m going to be out of the picture, you will be so much better off, baby.

I still think of you every night, and I know that you have suffered so much with me. Sorry for mistreating you, I just wanted you to leave me, and you don’t know how much it hurt me, Faith, baby, to treat you how I did the past year. I hated myself every time I hit you, and I thought you were the dumbest girl to have stuck with me through it all. I really don’t know why you love me so much, you silly girl. I really didn’t know how to leave you without hurting you, because I knew that if you cling on forever, you would go nowhere.

I know now, that the only way I can stop hurting you, is to just disappear forever. And that’s what I’m doing now. I’ve planned everything, and I’m sure nothing will go wrong. Please take care, my dearest, and I wish you all the best.
I love you, and still will, wherever I may be going.

Xxx
G.

The End

2010-05-01T14:27:00.006+08:00

The past few days have set me thinking.
Maybe I should relook at my potential career options and put philosopher close to the top of the list.

It's a universal truth that life is unfair.
Even if you were Cinderella; you've got your prince, fairygodmother, talking animals, and in the end you even get your glass slipper back.
But she had two bitches of step sisters that made her life miserable even after she got married.
So yeahh. Life's still unfair for her because she did nothing wrong and even in her time of well deserved bliss, she still gets bugged.

And that was what I was thinking about.
We can't make life fair; because we can't bend natural laws in our favour.
What we can do, though, is to change the unfairness to work in our favour.
So what if the step sisters bug her?
Cinderella can choose to ignore them and refuse their efforts to demoralize her.
She can rise above the occassion and turn the other cheek against their inanity.
And we should try to do that too.

My life is unfair; undoubtly more unfair as compared to kids my age if I dare compare so.
But I've faced events and problems some I wished I never had to go through.
I've faced losing my family forever a total of three times,
I've faced losing my own sanity about a hundred times,
I've been through police interrogation for something I was not guilty for,
I've been through countless medical treatments that make me cry so hardly, and non-stop till the doctor decides to give up,
I've been through countless rounds of councelling to assess my mental health and idiosyncrasies,
I've done illegal stuff I know I can be fined for,
I've mutilated my body to the point that I'm disgusted with it now,
But even as it hurts so badly recounting every single experience that no child my age - or any age in fact, should go through, I choose not to place emphasis on the actual events, but rather, what I stand to gain from them.

Yes, when I was younger and foolish - not that I'm not foolish now, just lesser so, I was full of anger and abhorrance for every one that damned me,
And for every person that had hurt me, taken advantage of me, and made a fool of me.
But once the anger is over, I come to realise that it is useless and not beneficial in any way.

First of all, anger makes you ugly.
And no one wants to be ugly, including me.
Even though what they did, and what I did, may scar me for life emotionally and psycologically,
I want to heal the scars, not aggravate and harness them.

Yes, life was crudely unfair to me.
My heart aches for every child who has to go through even one of those life shaking moments I had to go through.
I would especially like to relinquish the medical ordeals,
Because those are the worst.

The doctor is rough with you, and he insists there is no pain.
But after the first prode into your body, you realise he lied and you start screaming and kicking in a paroxysm of pain.
But the nurses hold you down and he continues to stick foreign stuff into your body.
So you continue crying and crying, with no one caring.
After the ordeal, the doctor actually reprimands you for your behavior and says you deserve it,
Then asks you to put on your clothes as if nothing ever happened.
He wants a blood sample next, and you run out of the room.
You get forced to go in again.
This time no one cares about what you think or what you feel, because all they want it yor blood; and they were going to get it by hook or by crook.

I used to hate the person who hurt me so much I had to go through that check up.
I hated and I cursed and I sweared because it ached so damn much that I thought I was going to die.
I hated it that my body was being so violently violated all because of that person.
I went into a state of closure and depression after that, and didn't talk to anyone.

But after awhile, I came to realise that, why should I put myself through such misery if it doesn't benefit anyone?
If it doesn't benefit myself nor was contributary to my recovery?
Yes life was unfair.
But I decided to push it aside.
What's done is done.
No one can puppet the hands of time as it crawls at the same throbbing rate every day, for all the days.

You can always wish that you could go back to the past and do things differently.
I mean, who wouldn't want that?
You could always say that 'I wished I had done that' or 'I wished that I had cherished this or that more' etc. etc.
But it would never benefit you.

I used to dwell on every thing I wished I could have changed.
I always told myself, 'what if things were like this, or what if things were like that?'
I always pictured my dreams in reality, the dream whereby there were picturesque skylines and I was safe; where I didn't have to go through life shattering ordeals, where I didn't have to be sad and hurt, where I didn't have to feel so miserable and hollow, where I wasn't exposed to the horrors of the world, where I could live in my own fairytale, where I could dictate my own future and choose only the happiest moments, where I could have the life I would lead the most willingly.
But the fact is - you will never get it.

It's a dangerous cycle.
You keep thinking and imagining this 'perfect' life.
You keep wishing it will happen.
But you know the fact that it won't, you just don't want to acknowledge it, because you've gotten so used to your fantasy that it's blurring the line between reality and fact.
And that's exactly what I did.

It was truly wonderful; to be living in the world you wanted.
But once reality smacks you right in the face like how you'd walk into a glass window, it really stings.
You will spiral into a state of depression of sorts, because it feels as if you've been shoved into a completely different world.
A world whereby you're suddenly exposed to everything the world can throw to you again, and a world whereby reality is harsh.

It's hard to accept at first, and it also pains a lot.
It was gruesome for me to try to pull myself back into the real world,
And it tore me apart.

So why try to control time?
Why continue mopping around about something I cannot change?
Why should I be miserable and let others who wanted to see me in this state be happy?
So I turned the consequences around and decided to pick myself up.
I starting living again.

I watched a movie before, and it said:
"When life throws you lemons, make lemonade."
So I've made tons of lemonade, but that doesn't mean I hadn't swallowed twice as much lemons before.

Life is unfair, but you can make it fair according to your own terms.
Don't seek revenge on those who have inflicted harm on you, but find ways to help improve their lives.
Don't wish ill to them, but let them know that you'll keep them in your prayers.
Don't habour anger in your heart, but instead turn your efforts into making them happy.
Don't devulge in self-pity, but show sympathy and empathy for them.
Don't see the plight in your own situation, but help them to relieve them of theirs.

Do all these, because life is such.
There is no use to make the lives of others miserable because they have made yours as such.
Always treat others as you wish they treat you.

Don't ponder of all the extremities life has thrown to you to suffer with.
Instead, choose to see the learning points from these ordeals, and in turn, grow into a greater person.
You gain nothing from being angry and throwing fits, but you learn from the world when you open up and help others.
Do not dwell on life's unfairness toward you, because there will always be someone out there who is suffering more than you.
Always see the light in your situation,
Because the will of God will never send you to a place where the grace of God won't protect you.

And I guess that's all I've learnt from all my past ordeals.
And I don't curse or blasphemise because all those unfairness were imposed on me.
But instead I choose to turn the situations to my favour,
Because I want to life to it's fullest, because life is short.

And you should too.

*Though I'm in no way saying that what I've said is the right way to tackle life, because it's just my experiences and opinions, :)

2010-04-06T23:14:00.003+08:00

I don't want to lose you.
All I've ever done was for you;
Was to hopefully buy more time before you had to go.
But I guess whatever I do will never be enough because you're always angry at me.
Sometimes I wish I knew where I went wrong,
But I kill myself over trying to figure it out.
I spent so much time on you,
Your needs, your happiness.
And just when I've got one day to myself,
I get you angry again.

I've cared so much about you that I've lost me.

:')

2010-02-21T00:10:00.000+08:00

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile -
If you just smile.

Chritianity.

2009-12-28T23:53:00.006+08:00

It's been awhile since Shermin first invited me to City Harvest Church.
I must say it's been an experience but such a joy as well.
Growing up in a catholic school, I'm used to prayers and hymms and such, but I've never truly immersed myself in beliving in God just based purely on the fact that Mass was boring (imo).

But CHC's different I guess.
It's a christian church and service is totally different from the Masses at school.
I guess I'm kind of devoted now, going to service every Saturday, cell group every Friday and all that such.

So when I went out w Di that day, we 'proached on the topic of creationism and darwinism.

To quote from her blog,

Oh yeah, this reminds me of a conversation I had with Tessajie about creationism and Darwinism.
I told her that I liked the idea of creationism (you know, the whole Adam and Eve deal), but then again, the theory of evolution seems more practical to me.
She told me that she felt the same, but she supported the Adam and Eve deal more since...well, I forgot her reason, but I felt that it was legitimate.
Anyway, so yeah, she asked me why I was so paranoid about creationism.
I didn't want to say it, but from what I know so far about Adam and Eve, they're the first Humans created by God.
Perfect images of him or something like that, right?
...Well, so if I were to believe in creationism, Adam and Eve's kids must have had done each other, and so on and so fourth until they populated the world.
Isn't that incest? (don't tell me the Bible doesn't have anything about that)

Doesn't this mean my dad did his sis, which happens to be my mum, and got my bro, my sis and I?
And that's the same for everyone doing each other right now. They're either doing their brother or sister.
It's just too creepy to imagine.
That's why I don't believe in creationism

Ok before I ramble on, if you don't like a lot of words just don't read this post lol.

My point was, as Di mentioned, was that yes, I do believe in darwinism, because it is logical.
Btw, darwinism is like a term coined for Charles Darwin's "Theory of Evolution", that we originated from other animals that evolutionized over millions of years.
Creationism is the term coined for the Bible story about the creation of us, humans, namely Adam and Eve, by God.

I understand and support darwinism because it has logic to back it up.
Like, the first creatures on Earth were sea animals, and as the Earth grew older, the climates changed, weather changed, the landscape changed, as the Earth stabelized.
So in order to adapt to the changes, the animals must have developed special features/characteristics over the years to survive, no?
And slowly over billions of years, humans finally evolved from that first sea creature.

Thus I believe in darwinism, because it seems logical.

But I also believe in creationism.

In the very first book of the Old Testiment, it cleary states that "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" Genesis 1:1

So if He created the heavens and the earth then he surely would have created beings to inhibit the earth because surely everyone wants their work to bear fruit?
And so He did as stated in Genesis 2:7-14.
And he created man.
"The LORD God formed the man from the soil of the ground and breathed in his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living thing." Genesis 2:7

This is the part I go like "whattt" because I said I believed in darwinism because of the logic, and what the Bible stated doesn't seem logical, no?
But throughout the Old and New Testiment, miracles are seen.
And if God could perform those miracles, why couldn't He create man?

On to the point about Adam and Eve were siblings.
"Then the LORD God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
"Then the man said, 'This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called "woman," for she was taken out of man" Genesis 2:23 and 24

So technically, the woman is the man's flesh and blood.
Because she was made out of a part of him.
So yeah, they're siblings, because family is flesh and blood, right?
I mean if God wanted to make another human, why not just take another lump of soil and breathe life into it?

But on the theory of darwinism, if as they stated that the first creatures were made from particles in the water, then weren't all the creatures made from the SAME particles?

I mean like, human DNA only differs 0.01% from human to human, and it differs 0.5-1% from pigs and rats etc., because we were made from the same particles.

Because we evolutionized from that first sea creature.
And the second sea creature probably was formed by the exact same particles as the first sea creature.
So in a sense, according to the theory of darwinism, aren't we all siblings, too?
Siblings w other animals too, those that were made from those particles that evolutionized into different forms.

There probably weren't many first humans either, so sisters and brothers probably had sex w each other, because they couldn't find anyone else.
I mean like, if the first evolutionized humans were male and female, they'd probably do each other to produce more humans to populate their species because it is instinct to continue our species, right?
They wouldn't just sit around to wait for other humans to be evolved from other creatures, right?

Like how there was that great ice age once, (I forgot which lah) and it wiped out almost ALL of human race.
There were only around 2000 Africans left, because they were not affected much by it.
There probably weren't many different families in there, either.
So siblings probably did each other to ensure continuity of the species, ye?

And we most probably owe those bunch of Africans for our survival now, because if they died, too, in that ice age, we'd probably not be here.

I don't know if it makes sense, but there is a chance we could all be distant relatives according to the theory of darwinism.

Also in the bible, there's prominent display of how we humans and what we humans would do to ensure continuity.

"Come, let's make our father drunk with wine so we can have sexual relations with him and preserve our family line through our father.
"So that night they made their father drunk with wine, and the older daughter came and had sexual relations with her father. But he was not aware that she had sexual relations with him and then got up.
"So in the morning the older daughter said to the younger, 'Since I had sexual relations with my father last night, let's make him drunk again tonight. Then you go and have sexual relations with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.'
"So they made their father drunk that night as well, and the younger one came and had sexual relations with him. But he was not aware that she had sexual relations with him and got up." Genesis 19:32-35

So if Lot's daughters would do such a thing (in this case, incest) just to preserve their family line, don't you think that the first humans in the theory of darwinism would do the same to preserve theirs?

So aren't darwinism and creationism the same in terms of how the Earth was populated by us, i.e. siblings doing each other?
They're just different in how they protrayed the first humans to have been made.

Well anyway it's just my point of view about this whole thing.
And you should be bored to death by now (if you made it thus far) so I'm going to end here.
Kthxbai.

Quiz!

2009-12-28T23:26:00.002+08:00

Something to fill up this empty space in the meantime.
Ripped off Di's blog.

Write down whatever you think when you first see the words. No changing whatsoever.

1. BEER: Drunk.

2. ANOREXIC: Sticks.

3. RELATIONSHIP: Greatest headaches ever.

4. MOVIES: Are expensive.

5. POWER RANGERS: Whaaaat?

6. WEED: Grass.

7. SMOKING: Ditto.

8. LIFE: Unexpected.

9. THE PRESIDENT: Is me.

10. DREAMS: Are wishful thinking.

11. CARS: Ferrari.

12. GAS PRICES: I don't care.

13. HALLOWEEN: Needs to be more celebrated in Singapore.

14. BON JOVI: Screams.

15. TRANSVESTITES: Bangkok.

16. MYSPACE: I don't have it.

17. WORST FEAR: Losing you.

18. MARRIAGE: Should never have existed.

19. PARIS HILTON: Has lazy eyes.

20. BRUNETTES: Are smart.

21. REDHEADS: Are wild.

22. POLITICS: Are a waste of time.

23: WORK: Should be damned.

24. ONE NIGHT STANDS: Are for drunkards.

25: CELL PHONE: iPhone.

26: HIGH SCHOOL: Should be demolished.

27. PAJAMAS: Don't wear 'em.

28. WOODS: Lonzenge.

29. WET SOCK: Smelly feet.

30. ALCOHOL: Smelly breath.

31. THE WORD LOVE: Plays w your mind.

32. YOUR BEST FRIEND: Is not as good as mine. (:O)

33. MONEY: Is a neccessary evil.

34. HEARTACHE: All the time.

35. LOVE: Makes the world go square.

36. TIME: Is a joker.

37. DIVORCE: Ftw.

38. TODAY: Is now.

39. YESTERDAY: Is history.

40. YOU: Are unattainable.

Anw, feliz navidad!

Joke

2009-12-22T01:31:00.001+08:00

Joke of the day:

Sebas: Just now that guy is your friend or your father?
Tessa: MY BROTHER LA.

LOLWTH@!)$*&#@)@!#.

Ehhehehe, ok.
I have the sudden urge to do a christmas card!
Havn't been designing and making cards for a long time.
Feel as if I've lost my touch, boo.

Anw, nothing much to update because I got no pictures.
Will update when I do.

P/s: Happy birthday Sebas!
P/s/s: Happy birthday Jac baby!

Overdue!

2009-12-12T01:29:00.005+08:00

Got mega tonnes of overdue pics to post.
Cuz finally my sis decided to let me import photos from her cam to my lappy.
Why does she get a camera and I don't! :(
LOL, now you know what to get me for christmas!

Anw on a side note:

MY PLURK IS IN 华语。
为什么？！

I just went in one day and boomz,
Everything is in Chinese.
How do I fix it :(
Kimmie told me to click on the 'lock' icon to change language, which I did.
But it only changes for what you want to Plurk,
Not the whole webpage.

I really need a new lappy.
Pref a MacBook Pro :P

And since we're side-tracking,
What's w the recent influx of animal /animal &baby vids?
Esp on MSN y'know below there's this column w 'What's Hot' for MSN vids.
What's the hype?
Srsly.

Ok enough side tracking.
My sis's birthday was on 28th May (LOL)
And I only have the pics now so deal w it.

We went for dinner @ Iluma (sp?)
The not-so-new-anymore shopping centre @ Bugis.
(I think)

Ate @ Empire State!

Some 12" dog

Potato salad!
My second favourite salad.

I remember during primary school I would come home everyday and make potato salad for lunch LOL.
Ttly just boil potatoes and cut lettuce.
Then I'd just put mayo and bacon bits and mix all together and eat in front of the TV.
Now you know why I was so fat in primary school LOL.

We had ceaser salad that night too but I can't find the pic.
I swear I ttly heart heart ceaser salad.

Delifrance's ceaser salad sucks like idk what,
Only got veg + v litte dressing and absolutely nothing else.
Ok maybe there were 2 crotons, but who can taste that?!

Bakerzin's one is the best,
But now that they've revamped it to include the dressing in the salad, it's kinda :(
Cuz I don't like so much dressing.
But it's still the best ever.

Trapizza's one is love love, too.
Very delish w a lot of toppings.

Some rectangular pizza thing.
But it was really cheesy and good too.

The portions there were really big and we ordered super a lot.
Ordered like flavour fries, chicken wings, grilled salmon, a lot of soup and cake on top of everything above.
Ttly cannot finish!

We took away in the end but when we got home we were so full that we said we wouldn't eat for the next three days,
Thus we just threw everything away LOL.
Then we got hungry the next day FML FML.

Happy (very belated) birthday babysis!

Btw, Vanessa got her PSLE results back.
And she got 250.
Wtf, now ttly cannot go out w her because I no face!

Aunty: Nessa, how your PSLE?
N: Oh ok lah got 250.
Aunty: Wahz so crever! Your jie leh?
T: Er.. I got 2-cough-1-cough-2-cough-
Aunty: Oh.....

SEE!

...

Quite a while back, went for food tasting @ Daddy's hotel + dinner.
One of his cooks there (I forgot his name T_T) invented this chocolate soup thing and it was all over the papers and everything, so I begged my Daddy to let us try, too.

It looked like some ordinary Lava Cake,
But it was super watery inside.
Super filling, too.
But v sinful.

It was def yum yum.

...

And some time back (all very far back forget already lah!)
Had dinner w Daddy + someone someone!
I forgot her name also, LOL.
I think it was Samantha but it could also be something like Slut.
Ok, sorry.

Had dinner @ J8, Manhatten Fishmarket.

Vanessa Me Daddy

I swear I was damn pissed off,
Because everyone was using their phones and being anti-social,
And I was there sitting and stoning w menu in hand.
So I did all the ordering since no one could be bothered,
And when I was done explaining my perfect dinner plan,
She had to come and interrupt to say this-and-that,
So my Daddy agreed to her dinner menu choice!
@#**&*^%$#@#@!

No phones at the dinner table plskthx.

I am never going to have dinner w her ever again.
>:(

Went home to tell Mummy about Slut and dinner.
Hahaha.
Mummy just laughed it off and said she looked young.
Wtf.
Cannot stand people without manners I am sorry.
Plus, men chivalry is dead.
Maybe that's why the world is ending so soon.

Me Mummy

Me Vanessa Mummy

Come to think of it,
I don't have a picture whereby Daddy Mummy Vanessa and I are in it.
Not a single one.
Pathetic.
I think the only way to achieve that would be to combine two pictures together LOL.

Vanessa thinks she's all that just because she can do the 'W' thing w her tongue.
But I can do my lip thing ok!

I ttly cannot stand my hair.
It used to be ok but now it's just so hard to manage.
And I need to cut my bangs cuz they're getting in my eyes but Mummy just says to clip it up and cut in 2 month's time FML.

Last pic cuz I'm too lazy to upload anymore to Tinypic.com because it takes 5 minutes to upload one pic and I need another 7 to resize the pics!
Started blogging at 1am and it's 241am now.
So please applaud my above efforts thanks x892343.

Anw it's like 3am now and I'm going to sleep because I have a lunch appointment w Daddy tomorrow!
Havn't seen him since 2 months ago when he went to Bangkok for business.
So good morning and I'll see you when you get to the front of the queue.
:P

D:

2009-12-11T02:24:00.006+08:00

“You see that girl? Yeah, her. She seems so invincible, right? But just touch her and she’ll wince. She has secrets and trusts no one. She’s the perfect example of betrayal, because everyone that she ever trusted, broke her.”

Picture credit
Quote from here

Christmas

2009-12-09T16:21:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, went out w Xiao Xuan, Jason, Carmen, Shermin, Lele, Grace, Saunders, Sherman, Russel and Isabel for dinner at Orchard.

But before that, on a totally random note:

LOL?
I logged out of Facebook yesterday before going to sleep and today when I log in I get 25 requests?
T____T

Anyway!
Went for dinner at Far East Plaza and the chicken rice there was like $4.
Cheat money or cheat money?
Plus they only had steamed chicken left :(
But it was quite good.
Although, I would totally prefer the chicken rice behind school where the serving size is the same but it's only $2/plate.

After dinner we sort of just walked along the whole of Orchard.
And yes we went to the big christmas tree @ outside of ION.
Everyone wanted to go inside and I was kind of wondering what was the big fuss about it because I didn't go in the other time I was there.

It was quite nice with the lights and deco and all,
But when Carmen took the pic the lights became blue.
And so did Jason's.
And Grace's.
And mine.
Only Xiao Xuan's was the correct colour, lol.

Anyway,

Honestly, I'm too lazy to put captions for these pics cuz so many people :P

Shermin Carmen Me Lele

Shermin Me Lele

Shermin Me Carmen Lele

Ok don't ask me why I was dressed like that.
We were supposed to meet @ Orchard MRT at 6pm,
And I had an appointment w a photographer at 5pm @ Novena so I didn't have time to go home and change kthxbye.

We decided to walk to Somerset,
And the people at Orchard decided to decorate their streets w tall reindeer people and thus,

T____T

Walked further down to Taka there were there was like huge LV bag.
And everyone was raving about how they wanted it for christmas.

Me Xiao Xuan

Hahaha wrong camera angle, but Xiao Xuan hasn't uploaded her's to FB yet so I can't steal it :(

We went down to the new shopping centre @ somerset called 313 I think.
It smelt like fresh paint.

I left at 930, and Shermin and Lele walked me to the MRT.
Rushed home, and totally died from the exhaustion of running everywhere that day.
Lol, pathetic I know.

But I had a great time.
Thursday @ YMCA for Unplugged.
Gonna watch Carmen sing!

P/s: Read the post below I'm finally done w Eloise :D

Eloise

2009-12-03T17:09:00.029+08:00

Eloise

Rated K-T
For explicit scenes and language

Author's note: Wrote this quite a while ago, but never did complete it. I'm trying something new with this, I took the old story and totally changed the whole plot so it's very different from the previous for those (very few) who read it. And yes, I'm trying chapters for the first time.

Prologue

An old lady, a fortune teller, once told me that retribution, karma, whatever you want to call it, exists. Whenever you do something wrong, you would have to atone for it. Either it hits you, or it hits your loved ones. I had laughed it off, slapping her cloudy crystal ball in the process that was perching precariously on the table edge, and it was almost a hair width's away from shattering into a million pieces. I told her that no such thing existed, for we live in a world ruled by Science and Logic, and not some "spirit" or what not that you feel, or see, coming, just by looking at some fancy tarot cards and into a glass ball. She shook her fragile head slowly, knitting her brows together and forming about ten more wrinkles every second. She rearranged some tarot cards in front of me, then rubbed her crystal ball again. She kept going "mm" and "ahh" and "ohh", but never once looked up at me. Oh, God, what was she doing? I kneaded my temples and took in a deep breath. I can't lose it. I will not lose it.

"Look. You may have all day rubbing your pretty ball and arranging and rearranging your cute little cards but I don't. So will you just tell me whatever you see in my future so I can go?", crap, I lost it.

I cursed Heather for winning that bet. If I did not lose I would never have had to come to this stupid "fortune" shop at the corner of the street we live on. I could have won, really, only if I were not so careless...

"Retribution will come knocking on your door, Miss,", the old lady finally opened her golden mouth.
"I told you! Retribution does not exist! God, woman, have you ever stepped out of your cloudy shop?", I whipped my arms around for emphasis, and that incense she was burning went into my nose, "You know, you should really get some sun on your skin. You look as white as the whitening cream my mum uses,", that incense really hurt.

What was she burning? Lavender? Eucalyptus?

"Something horrible will befall someone close to your heart, and it'll be too late to save her. You wanted to but against your better judgement, you let it slip. You let someone you care for get hurt and torn apart, for someone or something for which only you will gain and benefit from. I am sensing her name...", she rubbed her temples and lifted her chin, "It's H-"

I did not let her finish and stormed out of the store. I do not care if losing that ridiculous bet meant that I would have to go listen to that mad woman predict my future for a full half-hour session, I had had it. It had only been ten minutes but my blood vessels were threatening to blow up my brain any second now. Yeah, right, retribution. What a load of bullshit.

#1.

High pitched shrills broke the relaxing atmosphere that enveloped my bedroom, stopping every five seconds for two seconds and then ringing again. I flung my left hand towards my dressing table and knocked down that irritant. Little error in projection though, the alarm clock flew across the room and stopped, only because it had slammed into my newly painted wall.

"Damn it!" I mumbled, still groggy.

Why does this always have to be the case on days when I am most lazy to gain full consciousness? I banged my head down on my pillow and let out a moan, saying a silent goodbye in the process, then slowly pushed my legs over the edge of my comfortable bed. That plaguy alarm clock did not help either. It just sat there and continued to yell at the top of it's battery operated, mechanical lungs. A miracle must have happened just then because I was out of bed. Yes, two feet and even the rest of my body off of it. I randomly pushed my arms through the air, trying to find the light switch. Oh why did I insist of putting it next to my door and not my bed, thinking at that time that switches at your bed were 'uncool' and 'childish'. But who can blame a ten year old for that, anyway? A plastic rectangle found the inside of my palm and I pushed it down. White light flicked on, making me squint and slam my arms into my eyes.

"Ouch! Shit!"

I was really starting to hate that day. Maybe I should just go back to sleep and call in sick for the day. Daddy could write a note. No, I can't. Today was the first day back at school, and Heather would be waiting for my explaination for not going through with my punishment the other day. So I rubbed my eyes and stumbled towards that annoying alarm clock. I picked it up and hit the 'off' button jubilantly. The ringing stopped and I waited a few more seconds for the ringing in my ears to go away, too.

I then slogged carelessly into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I jumped slightly at the shock to my face and was suddenly awake for that split second, but slipped back into semi-unconsciousness again soon after.

"Come on, Eloise, it's just school. You have to wake up. Heather's waiting. Come on!" I poked at my cheeks as I tried desperately to give a prep talk to myself.

I heaved a sigh and opened the cabinet that was located behind my mirror. Cobwebs had appeared at the edges and tiny creatures had started to call this their home. I picked them away and retrieved a small box from inside while mentally reminding myself to clean the cabinet soon. It was dog-eared and coffee stained, with a few scratches here and there, but it could survive a few more years.
What was important was inside. I gently started to lift the lid, careful not to let anything, including myself, harm the most precious content. The lid was off and I placed it on the basin. What was staring back at me was the most magnificent, most mesmering thing ever.

It was a necklace. The chain is made of leather, the colour of rich chocolate and the sides may have started to tear away but it was still strong and sturdy nonetheless. The best of it all was the pendant. It is a huge sapphire in a hexagon like shape, just not so defined, a little softer round the pointed parts a hexagon was supposed to have. The blue was so deep that whenever I feasted my eyes on it, I would be terrified of getting drowned in it's endless pool. Light hit it at all the right angles, making the gem shimmer and sparkle, destined to bring all other semi-precious stones to their knees. It is bordered by smaller, circular rubies, so light a red that it was almost baby pink. Such a stark contrast but yet it seemed to bring out the esquisite design even more. And no, the rubies were not second-rate or anything, they were just extremely special. Found only in the deep lands located on an uncharted island for which only I and my family know of, these rubies are different from the rest. They are not the au typical deep lustrous red, but are of a soft, very light red, and are very rare. From the bottom of the sapphire protrudes two mahogany strings, with small diamonds dangling playfully at the end of them. They sparkled just as brightly and brilliantly as the sapphire and rubies, albiet being the smallest of them all. I personally liked this play of length and contrast and loved the diamonds the most.

With shaking hands I slowly lifted the necklace out of it's box and wore it. I felt a sudden burst of energy as I always had whenever I wore it, and slipped out of semi-unconsciousness. A wide smile made it's way across my face before I could tell my brain to, and I got ready for school.

#2.

It was raining. Dark gloomy clouds loomed over my head, threatening to release more of it's burden on the Earth any second now. Occassionally lightning would steal the spotlight and then thunder would complain, painting the sky with a symphony of light and dark. I grumbled a little to myself, I really dreaded rainy days - they seemed to envelope the world in such dull colours, as if it was killing the Earth. I stepped out of my house unwillingly but trotted toward the bus stop under the warm shelter of my family's covered walkway. 'Why take the public bus when you could get your driver to drive you to school?' Many people have questioned me as if I had a screw loose in my head, but I just wanted to blend in. You see, my parents are filthy rich. Mother is a world reknowned lawyer, who has never lost a case, whilst Daddy is a cardiologist. He never had a failed operation before. People were already afraid to get close to me because of my mother, thus I did not need to arrive at school in a limosuine to make myself even more unapproachable.

The bus was not here yet. I fumbled with my bag till I opened the zipper and took out my iPod. In two swift motions I plugged in the earphones and switched on the music. A different noise other than the continuous insistent pitter-patter of the rain and my music was heard and I lifted my head. My bus was approaching. I quickly halted the bus and boarded it. The driver gave me a toothy grin and I smiled back. Slowly, I made my way to my usual place at the back and sat down. Before I knew it, I had arrived in front of my school.

I study at Ashtenworth University, which I would have to spend another four long years completing my Law degree. As I strolled towards Ashtenworth, under another covered walkway - this one owned by the school, Heather suddenly materialised beside me and yelled over the rain, "D'you know what day it is today, Eloise?"

"Yes, Heather, it's the first day back," I gave her a weak smile and shivered.
"No! Today is the day we skip the second half of school to go to the beach!"
"Huh?"
"Come on, Eloise! I read the weather forecast, all this gloom and loom will go away."
"Ok, ok, meet you outside your class after fifth period."
"It's going to be so fun, Lo!"

I kind of doubted what Heather said because it was getting colder by the minute and I cursed under my breath for not bringing my sky blue cashmere cardigen. Heather is my best friend, and we have stuck by each other ever since pre-school. We do anything and everything together - we were practically joint at the hip.

"Well, time to get to class. See you later Hea."
"See you, Lo!"

We strolled off to our respective classes, and I waited impatiently for five boring periods to pass. Turns out Heather was right, and by the fourth period, the storm clouds had cleared, unravelling the bright, majestic Sun hiding behind. When the bell rang, signalling the end of fifth period, I made my way swiftly to the next block, where Heather was just coming out of class.

"Hey, Eloise."
"Hey, Heather."

We gave each other a quick hug before holding hands and pacing quietly towards the entrance.

"Where to, Hea?"
"Erm, back to your place first Eloise. We're not going to the beach like this!"

She then waved her hands up and down, emphasizing her slender body, clad in according-to-school-rules clothes. I giggled at her actions, and we made our way stealthily to the bus stop.

#3.

We got home and changed, and made our way to the beach. It was June and the sun must have been fuming because this was the hottest day of the year so far. Heather and I were clad in our most skimpy of bikinis, in a desperate attempt to attract the hunky lifeguards at the beach.

"Oh Eloise, why isn't he looking at me?"
"Maybe it's because you've got nothing to show."
"I'll show you!"

With that said, Heather stood up and strutted up and down the shore, repeatedly past the lifeguard stands. But all her efforts went down the drain, because not one of the lifeguards gave even the slightest hint of interest.

"It's no use, Hea, they and their very well toned muscles will never notice you. Let's give it up and head over to that bookstore there," I pointed to a neighbourhood bookstore with a sign that read 'Barba a Boo stor'.

Heather gave me a reluctant nod and followed me as we made our way to the bookstore, or boostor. As we pushed opened the dusty glass doors, a musky scent greeted us. Heather and I choked whilst trying to accustome our eyes to the dim lighting there.

"I totally understand why they have so many customers, Eloise!", Heather says sarcastically, gesturing to the empty space around us, besides the books and dust.

I laughed out loud and so did Heather, and we did not stop until an old lady cleared her throat and stared at us. Where did she come from? I did not see her when I entered the shop.

"You young girls better keep it down," she waggled her wrinkly finger at us, "or else leave. Don't affect my business!"

Heather and I both gave her a quick nod and then turned around and laugh silently to ourselves.

"Hey, Lo, look what I found!"

Heather grabbed my elbow and showed me a book. It looked.. old. No, ancient would be the right word. Dust had collected on every surface available and there were water marks and coffee stains everywhere. The once grand maroon had now turned into an ugly shade of light brown. The corners of the book were encrusted with gold, but it had been scarred with rust. On the cover it read "Magic", printed in fancy 19th century calligraphy.

"Let's take a look, shall we, Lo?"

Heather asked, but before hearing my reply she went ahead and opened the book. Dust particles swirled around us, dancing to the little light filtering through the windows. I brushed my fingers across the first page, trying to uncover the mystery hidden underneath. Heather and I coughed and sneezed a little, very irritated by the amount of dust that was entering our system, but stop breathing when the words became visible. The old typewriter font was a classic, but the faded black ink at some points had become so light that the word was illegible. Heather and I turned it into a game, to try and fill in the blanks where the ink failed to survive the years and left blotches of emptiness in the whole picture.

After about five minutes of trying to be editors, the ancient lady that told us off before, went off at us yet again.

“Young girls! This is not a library! If you want to read the book, buy it!”

Heather and I closed the book swiftly and nearly banged into each other trying to get to the counter as fast as possible, lest the old lady, whom I assumed was Barbara, would eat us up in her fury.

“That’ll be five,” Barbara snapped at us vehemently.

I took out a five dollar bill and placed it on the counter. Barbara placed the delicate book into a bag and gave it to us rather unhappily. Heather and I thanked her politely and escaped the shop giggling. When we went out, the sun shot our eyes and we both flinched. We paused for a moment to let our eyes get used to the amount of light.

“I think that hag was so mean!"
"Yes, she was kind of mean, huh?"
"Anyway, do you want to go to my house to finish reading that book? We’re barely done with the first page, Lo.”
"Sure, as long as you feed me!"
"I definately will my dear, when have I never?"
"Haha, ok let's go!"

Heather then hooked her arm around mine and we made our way down the street, to her house.

#4.

I tossed myself onto Heather’s soft, king-sized bed and heaved a sigh as I let my body sink into it. I gazed at the hundreds of luminous stars Heather had begged her mother and father to help paste onto her elegant, black ceiling that she had painted personally to make it more realistic as a night sky. I told Heather not to switch on the lights for awhile, and she plonked next to me on the bed, admiring the fake stars shining, albeit greenly, back at us.

“Okay, enough fake star-gazing, let’s decipher this book!”

Heather bounced out of bed and flicked on the switch. Warm amber light hugged us as I realised Heather had switched on the evening lights.

“For more effect and to add to the mysterious atmosphere this book carries”

Heather must’ve noticed the look on my face as she scoffed.

"Whatever, let's read."

She gently took out Magic out of its plastic bag, and placed it on the bed, next to me. We both stopped breathing again, for a few seconds, and then flipped open the book. But before we could start reading it, Heather's mother called us down for lunch. We sighed and frowned at each other but raced down the wooden stairwell to have our fried noodles. Heather and I gobbled down our food like we had not eaten in ten years, anxious to return to start deciphering the book. Heather’s mother kept trying to ask us to slow down, panic and worry clearly written all over her face. We chewed for one second longer every time she asked us to slow down, but then went back to sonic mode not long after. We flew up the stairs immediately after we had cleared everything off our plate and started.

The first page had read, 'Thee shalt worship thy almighty Gin, Goddess for all of us, lowly ones. Gin is the almighty One, and She shalt not be trifled with. We, lowly ones, must give Her thanks, and must always praise Her. To do this there is only one way: through Magic'. Heather and I were stunned and confused reading this. Because I for one, as mentioned before, did not believe in all these unscientific stuff, and wanted to stop reading, but Heather insisted on continuing. 'For Magic to work, one must first own the Necklace'. As we flipped to the next page, both Heather and I screamed in shock as our eyes met with the image of the 'Necklace' - a perfect potrayal of the necklace I was wearing now.

"Oh my Eloise, take it off, let's compare."

I took my necklace off in a daze and sat beside Heather as she looked to the necklace and back to the book repeatedly, as if she were some jewelry expert.

"Ok, I officially conclude that your necklace, Lo, is exactly the same as the one printed in the book."
"You've got to be kidding me. This necklace is one of a kind, there are no copies, Heather."
"But it's the same as the one in the book!"
"Well..."
"Your mum gave it to you right?"
"Well yeah."
"What did she say about it?"
"That it was a family heirloom and that it has a history of almost four centuries. Oh my-"
"Then it's the same necklace, Lo! Remember how you always tell me that you feel 'a burst of energy' whenever you wear it?"
"Oh my God, I think you're right Heather."
"How can I not be?!"

Heather got so excited then, that she stood up and danced around the room enthusiastically, smiling and laughing. I sat down, still in a bit of shock. Just then, Heather tripped, sending her, along with the necklace in hand, hurtling towards the bedroom floor.

#5.

The sound of something shattering sent me out of my shocked state, and I quickly looked up only to send myself back into that same state. Heather was face down on the floor, just next to her bed, and lying beside her, my broken necklace. The main jewel and everything else was still intact, but the rubies did not share the same lucky fate. They had been ripped from the main piece, and having been flung across the room, the result was a few chips here and there on some pieces, and some just completely lost. I blinked hard a few times, and forced myself out of shock. My body then sprung itself into action. I ran towards Heather, shaking her lightly to help her regain her consciousness. Her eyelids fluttered and a grunt escaped her partially opened mouth. I drew back, giving her some space to prop herself up with her elbows.

"Oh.. my God.. Eloise I'm.. so so sorry.."
"Hush, my dear. Come, let me help you to your bed first, you need some rest."

Heather was too weak to protest, and I helped her to her bed, laying her down nicely. I went to get a glass of warm water, and made Heather drink it down.

"Lo, the necklace, I'm so damn sorry."
"It's just a necklace, Heather, please, just relax."
"My head's ok! I'm feeling better already, really."
"Are you sure.."
"Yes Lo, stop being such a grandmother. Pass me the necklace will you?"
"Sure."

I left Heather's side and made my way carefully to the other side of the room. My hands quivered as I picked up the flawed necklace. It had truly seen better days, and my heart secretly ached looking at the state it was in now. It had seem to lost it's aura of grandness, as if it's shimmery top coat had been violently ripped off. A sense of lost draped over me, as if a part of me was missing. Or maybe I was just thinking to much, afterall, it was just a necklace. Just. A. Necklace.

"Shit, Lo, I'm damn sorry!"
"Please, Heather, it's just a necklace."
"But it's no ordinary necklace! We got to get this fixed."
"No really, it still looks ok without the rubies, see?"
"No, Lo, we need to get the rubies. Didn't you say they're only found in only one place in the whole world?"
"Yeah, that island only my family knows about."
"We need to go there."
"Hea, don't be stupid."
"No, Lo, we're going."

With that said, Heather almost bounced off her bed with so much enthusiam that no one would have guessed that she almost had a concussion, and made her way to her computer. I told her where the island was and she booked plane tickets for us to go there over the weekend.

#6.

The days passed fairly quickly, with none of us mentioning the upcoming trip. Though I knew that Heather still felt pretty bad about the whole I'm-sorry-I-trashed-your-necklace thing, the way she was going the extra mile to please me. She would help me get my bag, or treat me to lunch, and it was really getting on my nerves. Just because some ancient book stated that it was a 'magic' necklace, and it could connect to some God, does not mean that it is real, right? I mean, it could be just fiction, and that picture could be a figment of someone's imagination. But no one has ever seen my necklace, only Heather and my family. I had always tucked it safely beneath my clothes, mainly for safety reasons, because exposing it would only be inviting thieves to rob me. On the other hand, I have always felt compelled to keep it hidden, though I have no logical reasoning for that impulse. Even when I needed to store it, I had to hide it securely behind my mirror, in a box, so that it stayed away from prying eyes. Maybe it was a special necklace afterall. Ok, I had to snap myself out of it, these kinds of stuff does not exist.

Friday came at last, and immediately after school Heather came over to my house to fetch me. Her car's honks polluted the air and I raced down, luggage in tow.

"Ready, Lo?"
"As ever."

I rode shotgun as we sped towards the airport, our long locks whipping our face mercilessly. I sort of went into a trance from there onwards, hardly believing that I was going agaisnt all of my principles and beliefs about life, in both general and specifics. Heather did pretty much of everything, helping us check our flight shedule and what-not, and even buying me a coffee. As the clock moved rythematically towards two o' clock, Heather hooked her arm around me and brought us to gate 12.

"Hey Lo you ok? Why d'you look so in-a-trance?"
"... Huh? Oh, sorry, Heather. I'm just, I can't believe we're actually doing this."
"Why not? I broke your necklace so I'm gonna fix it, then we can do whatever the book says!"
"I told you already, Hea, it's totally ok!"
"Oh shut up and get on the plane already."

With that said I snapped my mouth shut and we made our way wearily towards the airplane. Heather had booked us first class seats, like how I always do whenever I travel. I placed my small luggage into the overhead compartment, and then proceeded to sit down in the comfy seat to relax. A small sigh escaped my mouth as my body fitted itself into the curves of the blue cushions that made the seat. 'What the hell am I doing?' I thought to myself repeatedly as the air craft got ready for take off. 'It's just a damned necklace, one of a kind or not. I could easily get another that is ten times more expensive.' My head started throbbing from those thoughts, so I decided to push it to the far corners of my mind where it could collect dust. I did not want to fuck up my principles in life just because of some book that said this and that. I just wanted to live by my principles. With that etched in my mind, I let my heavy eyelids fall, and fell asleep for the rest of the journey.

When the plane landed, I jolted awake from all the jerking the plane was going through. Heather was awake, too, and we waited for the plane to come to a complete halt before alighting. As usual, Heather did all the checking out and once we were done, she dragged me outside.

"Ok, so now where do we go?"
"We need to catch a boat to the island."
"Ok!"

Heather raised her arm perpendicularly to her body and quickly flagged down a taxi. We boarded without exchanging any words and sent the driver off to the harbour. The journey was a silent one, with Heather and I both glancing out of the windows closest to us, gazing at the glum scenery. It was pitiful. Trees were bent over, as if age had forced them to be hunch-backed. Houses were ram-shackled, with their zinc roofs about to cave in on the weak mud walls. And the people, they looked so hallow. Skin hung on their bones tightly, and the clothes that protected them from the cold could hardly serve their purpose. I closed my eyes for a bit, trying to wash away the guilt of living in a developed country.

"Misses? We're here."

Heather and I both got out of our anti-social state and I fished out my purse to pay the driver. Shooting a quick glance at each other, we took our luggage from the taxi's boot and lugged them along to the harbour. The wooden planks squeaked under our weight, and I was afriad that it could collaspe at any moment. We held hands, determined that if one would fall, we would go down together. Fortunately, we made it in one piece to the ticketing booth, and bought our tickets for the next trip to the island. And yes, only I or anyone else in the family could buy tickets to this specific place, because no one else was suppose to know about it.

#7.

The booming wail of the boat's horn set Heather and I into motion, as we swiftly but carefully made our way towards it. The driver very kindly helped us carry our luggage and stored it safely at the back of the boat. Both of us stepped into the vehicle, and we took a seat next to each other on the old, wooden benches. We were the only ones on the boat, thus the safety checks were done fairly quickly and the driver put his foot to the peddle. Water splashed in small waves on either side of us as the boat jetted along the sea, distorting the otherwise flat surface. Heather and I hugged each other tightly as little crystals of salty water rained on us, almost certain that the boat might capsize at the speed it was going. No sooner were we determined that it could be the last ride of our lives, that the driver slowed down the boat and informed us that we had arrived. I could feel Heather physically relax in my arms, and I did so, too. We stayed there for a bit till we were determined that the boat had truly come to a halt. The driver, being such a gentleman, helped us with our luggage again and assissted us in alighting. We thanked him quickly before going off on a cleared path, into the island.

On either sides of us, tall trees dominated the landscape, with their long branches encapsulating us inside, and their big leaves filtering the glaring sun into small beams of pleasant rays. We trotted on the coarse gravel, listening to the crunch it made whenever we left our footprints in it. Our eyes occassionally lifted up to gaze at a bird that was passing over, admiring it's wingspan and the beautiful feathers that adorned it. After a short while, the trees disappeared into the background as cleared land greeted us, along with a small lodging house. Surprise was cleary written all over Heather's face as her eyes took in what was in front of her.

"We do need a place to stay whenever we decide to pop by you know."
"Oh right sorry, it just seems so out of place, y'know, Lo."
"Yeah, I know. But you don't want to live in a tent do you?"
"No, I guess."
"Ok good let's go in and settle down first then."

Hastily, we got to the lodge and heaved a good, long sigh as the cooling air-conditioned air hit us full force.

"Hi, ladies, may I help you?"

My eyes flicked up to the assisstant standing behind the counter, looking quizzically at us.

"Hmm, you're new?"
"Yes Miss Eloise, I've just started about a week ago."
"Oh I see, thought I'd never seen you before."
"May I help you and Miss Heather with your bags?"
"Yes please and thank you.. sorry I didn't catch your name."
"It's Ethan, miss."
"Ah, hi Ethan."

Ethan proceeded to help us move our luggage to our rooms, and as he bent down to pick up my luggage, our hands brushed. I felt heat rising to my cheeks at that touch, because, boy, was he hot. His skin was the colour of chocolate, and his pale blue eyes seemed to glimmer when he smiled. Under his shirt I could see his toned muscles ripple as he picked up our luggage with what seemed like no effort at all. I melted inside when he glanced back to flash me a reassuring smile, and his teeth, too, seemed to glimmer and sparkle in all their pearly white glory.

"Wow, Lo, I didn't know people WORKED here."

Heather's comment brought me out of my visual grope and I got startled for a bit.

"Er, yeah. Parents wanted service no matter where they were so they hired people to operate the lodge."
"Oh wow. That's just amazing."
"I know. When I saw someone other than the miners I was kind of surprised, too."
"Well, I'm not complaining about the service!"

With that said we both exchanged giggles and followed Ethan to our rooms. He had carefully placed our luggage beside the cupboard and excused himself from the room. Heather and I decided to take a break for today, a little tired from all the travelling. She had decided that we could go ask the workers for new rubies tomorrow, because she was just too lethargic from all the activity today. I agreed without hesitation, because I, too, felt the same way. We then briskly unpacked and took a hot shower before we plopped unto our beds and promptly fell asleep.

#8.

The morning sun blazed past the windows and filled the room, forcing Heather and I out of our dreamlands.

"Morning, Lo."
"Morning, Hea."

We did our normal morning routine - shower, brushed our teeth, and changed. Once we were done, we went out of our room only to be greeted by the mouth-watering scent of freshly baked muffins, and was that the salty smell of bacon? Our noses led the way as the turned right towards to dining area. There on the table was a magnificent spread - eggs, bacon, sausages, toast, muffins, cakes, and an assortment of juices.

"Oh wow, Lo, you got food service 'round here, too?"
"Er yes but never like this before."

"Good morning, Miss Eloise and Miss Heather."

Ethan popped out of the kitchen to greet us, apron wrapped around his masculine body, and chef hat perched carefully on his head.

"Please, just Eloise."
"And just Heather."

Ethan flashed us another of his killer smiles, and I felt my legs go all wobbly and jelly-like.

"Ok then, Eloise and Heather. Breakfast is served, I hope it takes your fancy."
"Thank you Ethan, it certainly does look very delicious, thank you for your effort."
"Yes Ethan, thank you very much. I think Lo and I would probably put on 5kg before we leave this place."

With a silent chuckle, Ethan quietly thanked us and asked us to enjoy our meal before leaving the room. Heather and I keenly took our seats and attacked the buffet, unaware of our hunger until now. I piled a number of eggs and bacon on my plate, savouring each bite in all it's oily goodness. Heather, too, was piling on the muffins and cakes, nibbling each with satisfaction. Hunger must have knawed quite hard on our stomachs, having not eaten on the plane or boat the previous day, as we had cleared almost everything off the table. When we were done, we both looked at each other, the same thing going through our minds - that were we gluttons.

"That was really good, huh, Lo?"
"Yeah, Hea, that was probably the most I'd ever eat for breakfast in my entire life!"

Again, Heather laughed at my comment and we made our way out of the lodge. I led the way through the forest on another paved route, towards the work site. Heather followed closely beside me, as we made our way deeper into the thicker, denser forest. But after awhile, the trees parted, unravelling yet another cleared piece of land, but this one quite different from the previous. Large, jutting rocks littered the landscape, and dirty, dirt-rimmed trolleys were spotted at regular intervals. Along the jagged land, a few round holes punctured the floor, making it look somewhat like flat cheese. A few workers were seen moving slowly, clad in long sleeves and long pants, protecting them from the heat, and no one could miss the luminous yellow helmets they wore on their heads. As soon as they all spotted me, time seemed to have freezed, as all of them halted in their tracks, and discontinued whatever they were doing to greet Heather and I in unison. I nodded my head slightly in acknowledgement, and the leader, Jay, asked what it was that I needed. Carefully, I explained what had happened to my necklace and told him that I needed replacements. Jay, immediately after examining my necklace, ordered the workers to start looking for the specific size of rubies that I needed, before excusing himself to help out his team.

"That's it?"
"Huh, what's it, Hea?"
"That's it? As in we just tell them what to look for and then nothing?"
"Well yeah, that's what they're paid for Hea."
"But shouldn't we like help out or something?"
"What for, Hea."
"I don't know, they look so tired I guess, just thought I could help."
"Don't be silly, let's go back and relax. Jay will get back to me once he finds all of the rubies that we need."
"Oh.. ok."

Heather followed me rather reluctantly back to the lodge, glancing back at times with a worried look painted on her face. I ignored her, thinking that she was just being foolish. Once we got back, Heather excused herself by saying that she needed to rest, and so I took the opportunity to get to know Ethan better.

#9.

I made my way nervously to the front desk, fiddling my the hem of my shirt and messing my hair this way and that. Deep breath in, and I stepped in front of the desk, surprising Ethan and causing him to jump.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you, Ethan."
"No problem Eloise, it's just after working here you don't really expect anyone to appear before you, haha."
"Haha, yeah, it gets quite lonely after awhile doesn't it?"
"I guess, but work is work."
"Well, I'm hungry."
"Would you like me to prepare lunch now?"
"Yes, please, that would be great."

Ethan made his way swiftly into the kitchen to prepare lunch, whilst I managed a quick shower. Heather was soundly asleep, and I kept my noise to a minimum lest I woke her up. Ethan was a marvelous cook, and a quick one at that, because when I got out of the shower, everything was already laid nicely on the dining table. Golden chicken, sauteéd vegetables, steamed fish fillets, rice, noodles and an assortment of fruit dotted the table.

"Oh, wow, Ethan it looks great."
"Thank you, enjoy your meal, Eloise."
"Hey, join me, will you?"
"I would not like to impose any inconvenience on you."
"None at all. Anyway Heather is asleep so I'd appreciate the company."
"If you put it that way.."

Ethan took a seat next to me as we tucked in to the food. We clicked well, sharing stories with each other about our childhood, our friends, and basically our whole lives. I loved the way he talked, pronouncing each word correctly but yet not sounding stuck up or posh. His voice was like silk, so easy and pleasant to listen to. I also enjoyed looking at him whenever he ruffled his golden, layered hair whenever he was confused or did not know how to phrase his thoughts. He must have been delighted with my presence, too, as he had appreared to have loosened up, and started talking to me like I was his friend, and not his superior. We continued chatting for hours, laughing and joking with each other, and basically basking in the joy that each other's company had brought along. We probably would have continued staying like that forever, if not for Heather who stumbled groggily into the dining area, asking if dinner was ready yet. Ethan blushed for a second as he glanced to his watch, only to realise that it was going to be eight in five minutes. He apologized sincerely and rushed to prepare dinner for Heather and I.

"Slept well, Hea?"
"Yeah, sorry Lo, kinda tired."
"No problem, you look tired, you should rest more."
"I'm ok now, sorry to have left you alone, but I see you've found yourself company."

I glanced away at that moment, knowing that when I looked back at her, my cheeks would have been tinted with a slight pink.

"Well yeah, I kind of like Ethan."
"Go for it girl, I mean, he's all fine."
"I guess, I mean, we did click just now."
"So what you waiting for?"
"Haha, I don't know, a few rubies maybe."

We both chortled at the bad joke and sat patiently, waiting for dinner to be served.

After we had gobbled down our food (as usual - Ethan really was a great cook), we made our way back to our rooms to crash. Heather and I took a quick shower each, and tucked ourselves in, preparing for the night to wrap us in it's dark, soothing blanket.

#10.

Birds chirped gaily as they realised it was dawn, waking Heather and I up. It was Sunday today, which meant that it was our last day here, and I was determined to make the most out of it, for example, spending time with Ethan. We came out of our rooms tiredly, but perked up when we were greeted by yet another grand breakfast spread. Ethan, as usual, had an apron draped on him and a chef's hat hiding his soft hair. We exchanged 'good mornings' and as usual, Ethan excused himself from the room. Heather and I parked ourselves on our seats and tucked in to the piping hot food.

"So, Lo, we going to check on them today?"
"Yeah they should be done by now."
"Ok."

We had the remainder of the meal in silence, each concentrating on the food on our plates, and ignoring the awkwardness that hung between us. When both of us was done, we went out of the cabin, and we trekked on the same path back to the workplace. Jay was there along with his team, and they greeted us the same robotic way as yesterday.

"So, Jay, how's progress?"
"Well, Miss Eloise, you requested for a lot of rubies and it was a bit hard to get all in one night and I truly apologize. We have only managed to find five so far."
"But I need ten, Jay."
"Yes, I know, Miss Eloise, our team here is trying their very best already."
"Well I'm leaving tonight and I need them by then, ok?"
"Yes, Miss Eloise."

I swiped my hand across my forehead, damping my arm with sweat.

"Shouldn't we help them, Lo?"
"That's what we pay them for, Hea."

Heather gave me one of those what-the-fuck looks, but I chose to ignore her. My parents had told me to leave all the work to Jay and his team, because it was their jobs, and not ours.

"Well, I'm going to stay and help."
"Whatever, Hea. You got your cell, right? Call me if you get lost or something I'll come back to get you."
"It's ok, Lo, I know how to go back."
"Alright, take care."
"See you."

With that, I left Heather at the work site, secretly grinning to myself, knowing that I had the entire lodge, and Ethan, to myself. I made my way back hurridly, with a bounce in my step. When the lodge came into sight, I used all my strength to will my legs into not sprinting fourth. Calmly, I paced towards the lodge, opened the door, and was faced with a downcast Ethan.

"Hey, Ethan, what's wrong?"
"Oh, hey Eloise. Erm, it's nothing."

I knew he was lying as he swerved his head to the right to swipe away a lone tear that escaped down his cheek, thinking that I was unable to see.

"Tell me, what's wrong."
"Well, ok.."

I made my way behind the counter to sit next to Ethan, listening intently and sincerely to what he had to share, and at times, offering advice or a pat on the back. Suddenly, my phone vibrated, causing me to jump. Ethan was still talking, so I casted a quick glance to my phone's screen. It was Heather. Alarm bells rung in my head as I thought of all the possibilities that could have befallen her, but, against my better judgement, quickly dismissed each grotesque image with what she had assured me with. Afterall, Ethan needed consolling and I could not just leave him hanging there, after we've discussed so much. That would be inhuman of me. So, I ignored the call, and continued to listen to Ethan, sometimes sharing a hug or two, when things got a little too painful to handle alone. We carried on like this for a bit, until Ethan felt better.

"Thanks Eloise, for listening and everything. I feel so much better."
"No problem, Ethan, I'm glad I was of help."

With that, I flashed a smile at him, only to recieve one in return. Our smiles froze there for a bit, before Ethan lowered his head towards mine, until his soft, plump lips found mine, and never left.

#11.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the story that is rated T, for the explicit scene.

Hot passion drenched us as our lips brushed agaisnt each other more violently, and our tongues dugged deeper. His hands wondered from my messed-up hair, to my quivering face, and then it made it's way down my shoulders, onto my breasts. I brushed the nape of his neck lightly, sending small chills down his back, but he chuckled slightly, to let me know that he enjoyed it. Without breaking the flow that throbbed so enthusiastically and feistily between us, Ethan lifted me off my feet in one fell swoop, and carried me to my room. He placed me gently on the bed, before coming on top of me to continue tasting me. His lips soon left mine, and planted themselves on my flushed cheeks, and then my neck. I threw my head back, enjoying the fiery sensation it sent my body into. Ethan then quickly grabbed my shirt and pulled it off, before continueing his journey of kisses down my chest, down my stomach. He stopped just as he reached my shorts, and came back up to me to wrap me in his arms. We kissed somemore, ecstasy pulsing through our systems, as he unhooked my bra and I took off his shirt. At that exact moment, my phone rung again, but I was too lost in the ongoing situation to even bother to check who was calling, although deep down, some part of me knew it was Heather. I quickly dismissed it again and continued to concentrate on what was right in front of me. Ethan unbottoned my shorts and pulled it down, just as I had with his, and we paused for awhile to give each other a reassuring smile. A paroxysm of delight came over me as his touch found the wetness of me, and I guess it must have washed over him too. Ethan positioned himself on top of me, and I let a sensual moan escape my mouth as he penetrated me. Pulsing with zest and ardor he moved so aggresively, but yet not to a point that it hurt. As he threw his head back, he let out a sigh of pleasure and withdrew himself out of me.

My sweaty hair stuck to my face, and so did Ethan's. He plopped himself down beside me, and our chests heaved up and down in unison. We stayed like that, in each other's arms, for what seemed like forever, until Ethan broke the silence.

"I think you missed a call or two."
"Oh right, yeah, it must be Heather."

I unwillingly left the comfort of Ethan's arm to pick up my phone to call Heather. Having memorized her number, I punched in the numbers fairly quickly and pressed the 'call' button. It rang and rang, but there was no answer. That was weird, Heather always answered my calls. Worry wrapped it's scrawny hand around my heart and squeezed it tightly, and my gut feeling told me that something was wrong, very wrong. Ethan must have noticed the look on my face change because he had asked if I was ok.

"No, I think something happened to Heather, Ethan."
"Then let's go down to the work site to check it out."
"Ok."

Ethan helped me get dressed promptly, and he took my hand into his as we made our way out. He kept squeezing my hand, assuring me that everything would be alright, but somehow I was not convinced. My heart was beating so hard I swore it was going to burst through my clothes, and I bet my eyes were looking frantic. I quickened my pace, almost to the point of running, but did not only because Ethan had told me to relax and slow down. As we approached the clearing, my palms got sweaty, and a bitter taste filled my mouth. Ethan kept trying to tell me to calm down, and that everything would be ok, but his words just did not seem to register in my brain. When we got the work site, Jay was there, pacing up and down, with a serious look on his face. As I approached, Jay heard my footsteps and quickly glanced up. He stopped pacing, and everyone else stopped what they were doing, too, to greet Ethan and I, as was their usual practise. Jay then made his way nervously towards me, with anguish clearly etched in his expression.

"Miss Eloise, I am very sorry but I will have to share this unfortunate news with you."

My knees wanted to buckle under me, but Ethan steadied me with his strong hands.

"You see, when you were gone, Miss Heather decided to help us with the mining of the rubies."

The sour taste in my mouth began to build up.

"She was very helpful, going into the holes, where it was the hardest and most uncomfortable to work in, to help us as much as she could."

My vision started to blur, but I forced myself to listen to what Jay was saying.

"Very unfortunately, I must say, the roof started to collaspe when she was inside, and we could not get to her because it had sealed her off. We did try our very best, we tried to clear the rock and debris that had sealed her off, but we could not clear it all away. Because if we did, the whole roof would have collasped instantly. Thus all we could do was use her cellphone to call you, Miss Eloise, because we knew you had that equipment in the lodge for such emergencies, but we could not get to you. Maybe it was bad reception, I apologize. But we tried calling so many times, and there was no answer, so we could only sit and wait for the inevitable - for the roof to collaspe, and for Miss Heather to suffocate from the lack of oxygen. I am truly sorry, Miss Eloise, we really did try but there really was nothing much we could do. If it could make you feel better, Miss Heather was quite lucky and found four out of the remaining five rubies that you needed..."

The only thing going through my mind the whole time Jay was talking was 'fuck, that damned fortune teller was right'. Everything about the karma and retribution - all right! And the part about 'whenever you do something wrong, you would have to atone for it. Either it hits you, or it hits your loved ones' was damn right true as well. Her prediction, 'something horrible will befall someone close to your heart, and it'll be too late to save her. You wanted to but against your better judgement, you let it slip. You let someone you care for get hurt and torn apart, for someone or something for which only you will gain and benefit from,' actually came true, too.

And that was when reality woke me up with one tight slap. I had just killed Heather, because I wanted to have fun, I wanted to play around. My head throbbed heavily with guilt and my eyesight blurred to the point where everything around me was just distorted balls of colour. I lost all control over my limbs, and I hardly heard Ethan's worried questions as I sagged into his arms. My heartbeat quickened ten fold from it's already sonic speed that it was beating previously, and suddenly, sharp pulses of pain shot up my left arm, all the way to my left chest, to my heart. I started having difficulty breathing then, as the pain accelerated in my left arm. My chest heaved painfully with all the effort it took to get oxygen to my lungs, but it was no use. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of torture, the agony that seized my left arm and chest concentrated all their efforts on my heart. It sucked the pulsing power out of it, rendering it useless and not able to beat anymore. One by one, my organs shut down from the lack of oxygenated blood, stopping my breathing, my movement - ceasing my life. And then the hurt went away, forever.

The End

Destiny

2009-12-01T23:01:00.006+08:00

Destiny

Rated K

Author's note: Thanks to Brittany for telling me how to spell 'engulf'. And yes, written on notepad again because my lappy sucks balls.

Ever since I was just a kid, I knew I was cursed. No, not a 'fuck, I just killed someone with my thoughts, again' kind of curse, but a, 'I can get everything I want but I can never be happy' kind of curse. As you can see, I'm just your typical teenage girl, but with a very sad twist.

When I was born, I already knew I was a mistake. My mother always told me that I just was not meant to be on this Earth. You see, when I popped out of my mum's vagina, I died. Ok, maybe I did not totally die yet, but I was choking. My face was a deep, harsh blue, and my limbs weren't moving at all. The doctors and nurses went about in a crazy frenzy trying to clear my airway, or whatever that was preventing me from taking that first, life-giving breath. Something about the pipe connecting my lungs with my nose and mouth being blocked by my body fluids that they just could not drain. They tried hard, and my mum always reminded me that the nurses said that in 99.9% of such cases, the newborns die. Though everyone - doctors, nurses, and my parents, did learn that day that I was a stubborn baby. Sort of like how I am a very stubborn kid now. After I was delivered and when the doctors decided they just could not clear that liquid that was choking me, they hooked me up to life support. The doctors solomnly told my parents that I would not likely survive the night and it was nothing less of a miracle that my heart was beating after delivery. Yes, my parents cried and sobbed their hearts out, but that would all change the next day when they found me alive and breathing a-okay, and definately not blue-faced. I don't know how I breathed again, and neither did the doctors. All of them referred to me as a 'medical miracle', and told my parents that I was as healthy as any other newborn. And so, my parents named me Destiny.

Things sort of got screwed up from that point onwards. I grew up ok though, no disfunctioning limbs or any of that stuff, but I learned to believe and agree with what my mum had said, that I was not meant to be on this Earth. Whenever relatives or friends of the family visit, they would always exclaim something like 'oh my! Look at Destiny and how pretty she is'. Maybe God pitied me for a bit for almost dying at birth, and decided to give me good looks, but whatever whacked-up analogy I decided to use, it still would not change the fact that I am drop-dead gorgeous. No, I'm not bragging, I am merely stating the truth. People say that 'eyes are the doors to your soul', and I agree with that. My eyes were big and round, soft at the edges, and my irises were grey. Yes I know, weird, but mostly, that is what attracts people to me the most, and I like to distract myself from all the stares by telling myself that they just want to have a peek at my soul, to see if it's still intact. I also have long, luscious, honey brown curls that spray down my back and frame my face perfectly, though sometimes it gets in my eyes and that irritates the hell out of me. I am not going to go into detail about my tonned and tanned body and all that shit, because basically I'm just like a real life barbie doll. On second thought, my looks were not a blessing, instead, they are the roots of my curse.

As I went from toddler to child, I had to attend school at my neighbourhood's run-down school, just like everyone else. I was smart, and I could easily pass any exam without studying, which I unethically took advantage of. School was never my thing, and I could never in a million years, understand how some freaks could spend 23 hours a day reading textbooks. Other than exams and studying in general, the most horrible thing about school had to be people. Boys, in particular. As you could have already guessed, boys were attracted to me like a metal to a magnet. I was not at all popular with the girls because of that fact - I was the 'boyfriend snatcher', but I still did have a pool of female 'worshippers'. Though I was flattered, it was quite irritating, especially since your desk would be filled with fresh, lustrous red roses every morning. School carried on like this, monotonously, until the day I met Adrian.

I would never forget the day I met him, because on that day, I learnt what love was, or so I foolishly thought. Adrian had been rusticated to our country by his parents, and had transferred to our school, all the way from France. Coincidentally, or call it fate, he had the same class schedule as me. During first period that day, our teacher, Mrs A., assigned Adrain the seat next to me, and I can still remember how the butterflies fluttered in my stomach as he strolled down the aisle and ever so gracfully took his seat. When he proceeded introduced himself, I lost myself in the smooth, symphonic accent of his, and practically drowned in those light blue eyes. That day, I knew that he was for me.

Days, weeks, and months passed, and naturally, we became better friends with time. The annual prom was coming, and as I sifted through the numerous invitations neatly piled on my table that morning, I could not find Adrian's. I made excuses for him though, thinking and brain washing myself to believe that he had something up his sleeve to surprise me. By the end of that day, though, nothing came, and I refused to let Adrian walk me home, as he had ever since his sixth day of school here. I thought we had something special - heck, who was I kidding? We did have something, because normal friends would not hold hands, normal friends would not spend almost every waking second with each other, and normal friends definately do not make out on a regular basis. Despite all that, we never really did labelled ourselves as each other's "the one", and that would be because of Adrian.

I knew what we were doing was wrong - fuck, it was worse than wrong, but I clung on to him, because I thought there was hope. You see, Adrian has a girlfriend. She lives in France, and Adrian did mention once to me that she was coming here to come and live with Adrian, sometime during November, which happens to be now. And I also did catch that Adrian could not be 'with' me anymore, because he really loved his girlfriend. But I could not cope with that fact, because this is my curse.

I am beautiful, yes. I am smart, yes. I have millions of suitors, yes. But I have been cursed, and the curse will never let me truly enjoy love. Yes, Adrian and I did 'break up', if we ever were together in the first place. And yes, my heart shattered into a million pieces. The curse does not allow me to let go, it kills me slowly, eating my insides and sucking the life out of the outside. It is like being torn apart, limb by limb, and no one is there to save you. I will be left there, bleeding everything out, and no one would be able to hear even one decibel of my ear-piercing screams. The curse will never let me enjoy 'true love', it only lets me have affairs (screwed, I know). Thus, that was how John, Brandon, Isaac, Tyler and Craig came into my life. And everytime it could no longer go on, I would have to go through the whole antagonizing experience of seperation again. Fuck, I utterly abhorred the curse. But curse or no curse, life had to go on, and it did not care whether I was suffering or not.

Then it all changed.

I still remember vividly, it was on the 12th of April that I took my virgin glance at him. It was an extremely hot day, and I was grabbing my usual latte at the Starbucks down the street. I was alone, enjoying the cold, air-conditioned room, and doing what I always do when I'm alone at Starbucks - people watch. My eyes peered past the pristine, glass windows, onto the streets, and up again to random strangers. I saw the norm - couples, beggers, teenagers, families. Then my eyes sourced to the right, and I saw him. He was alone, walking briskly, but making an impact with every step. With him he carried an old, brown, leather suitcase, and a cellphone in the other hand. When he walked in, it was like time stopped running. His soft, brown hair danced in the wind, around his face, whilst his eyes sparkled under the flourescent lights. Without pause, he continued walking towards the counter and ordered a coffee. As he scanned the area, looking for a seat, he started approaching my table. I still know how much my palms sweated, and how I bit my fingernails into my thighs. He came right in front of me and asked if he could have a seat. I must have looked pretty dumb right then, my whole body frozen, my jaw almost touching the wooden floor. But he just chuckled and took the seat directly in front of me.

"Come here often?"

I stared at him a little more, probably about to go into shock, but I managed to compose myself to utter something that I hoped came across as a 'yes'. He laughed softly this time, shaking his head.

"Look, I need to go now, but I'll see you around I guess? By the way, I'm Damien."
"Erm, yeah, erm, ok. Erm, I'm erm, Destiny. Erm. Bye."
"Haha, bye, Destiny."

And that was my first encounter with him, albiet quite a failed one, on my part, anyway. The next few days were spent at Starbucks, sitting at that same glossy topped table, hoping for Damien to walk through the door again. On the fourteenth day, he did. He recognised me immediately and waved. I gave a little smile and waited for him to come over.

"So, what's a pretty girl like you doing all cooped up at Starbucks?"
"Erm, actually, waiting for you, I guess."
"Oh."

His eyes darted away at that moment, and we sat still in the awkward silence. Shit, I knew I screwed it up, I should have just kept my big mouth shut. I threw my head down, as if that could save me from all the embarrassment I had just caused myself.

"Hey, Destiny."

I slowly lifted my head up, only to recieve a warm smile from him.

"Yes, Damien?"
"Do you erm, want to go for a walk or something? I bet all the time you spend in here is going to make you claustraphobic if we don't get out soon."
"Haha, I would love that."

So our first date commenced, and we strolled along to the nearby park. The weather was kind, too. Not blazing hot, and there was actually a small breeze. We walked in silence, but it was not the awkward silence like before. I enjoyed his company, and I guess he enjoyed mine, too. We continued, pacing slowly down the stone paved route through a small forest, admiring nature at it's best. After awhile, he sat down on an old wooden bench, and patted the space next to him. I carefully took the seat next to him, and we glanced up together at the stunning full moon.

"It's a lovely night, isn't it?"

He broke the silence bubble we had resided in, and I was a little shocked.

"Erm, yeah, the moon's lovely."
"Yes, I think so, too. But it's getting late, I ought to get you home."

I had to use all my strength to stop my lungs from screaming out 'no!', but Damien was right, it was getting quite late, and I needed to get home before my parents got worried. Thus, I reluctantly agreed, and we walked back to my place, in that same comfortable silence that blanketed us, and that I was starting to enjoy.

"This's my block. Thanks, Damien."
"No problem, Destiny. I hoped today was good."
"Yes it was, thank you. It was a nice stroll."
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."
"I hope you did, too."

With that said, he pulled me into a hug with his big, strong hands, and I melted into his body. I closed my eyes, taking in the scent of him, and telling myself how he smelled just like spring. The places on my body burned where ever he touched me, but in a good way. Then just as suddenly as it happened, he pulled me away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know where that came from, I just, I felt compelled to do that."
"It's ok. Look, here's my number."

I blushed and he grinned as I recited my mobile number, and with that, he disappeared into the night.

When I got to my bedroom, I jumped onto my bed, pulling the ends of my mouths to my eyes in a lip-splitting smile. 'Maybe the curse's gone, afterall,' I thought to myself. I fell asleep in that delirious state, and woke up to my phone ringing. Quickly, I tumbled out of bed and flipped open my phone.

"Hi."
"Hi Destiny, Damien here."

My heart pulpitated and I thought my rib cage was going to give way. I even started slapping myself to see if I was truly awake, or if it was just a really good dream. But my face tainted itself red in anger, and I knew I was truly awake.

"Oh hi Damien."
"Er, hi. I was just wondering if you'd like to get a coffee or something?"
"Sure, when?"
"Actually I'm already at Starbucks."
"Ok, I'll be there in a sec."

I hung up and hurried to the bathroom, and showered in record time. Pulling all my clothes out of my closet, I grabbed whichever garment in mid-air that first caught my eye. Still pulling up my denim jeans, I raced down the stairs, out the door, and towards Starbucks. My hair swayed and flew as I sprinted down the two blocks. When I did finally reach, I quickly took a deep breath and composed myself. With confidence, I pushed open the glass doors and strolled to the table Damien was sitting at.

"Hey," I said.
"Hey. Erm, I bought you a latte, I hope it's ok, because I saw you drinking this the last time."
"Oh, it's ok. Thank you."

We continued sitting in our usual silent bubble, whilst sipping our coffee at intervals.

"So erm, I was wondering if you'd like to go for dinner?"
"Yes, I'd like that," I replied.

He took my hand, and my heart did the same thing as when he hugged me, but this time it was about ten times more vigorous. Still encapsulated in our little bubble, he walked with me, hand in hand, down two more streets, to a chinese restaurant.

"I hope you don't mind."
"No I don't, I love chinese food."

He gently guided me into the restaurant, where we sat at the corner, side by side. He then proceeded to pick up the battered menu and started skimming through it.

"What would you like, Destiny?"
"Oh, I'm ok with anything, don't mind me."
"Ok, I'll just order, eat whatever you want."

I immediately regretted my words once the food came. Plate after plate came, piled with a large variety of food - all sorts of dumplings, buns, rice and noodles. Steam wafted from every one of them, and I grimaced slightly at the sight of all that food.

Damien caught my expression though, and asked, "why? Do you not like the food?"
"Oh no, I truly love it, it looks amazing. It's just, well actually, it's a little too much."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just didn't know what you prefer, so I ordered a little of everything."

I swooned at his comment, and gave him a reassuring smile before digging in. He loosened up, too, at my gesture, and we ate. After the filling meal, he took my hand once again and walked me home. During the walk, I felt my insides warming up. 'Maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe it'll actually work out,' I tried to brainwash myself. I chanted that to myself, and did not notice that I was already standing at my door step until Damien tapped me lightly.

"You're home, dear."
"Sorry, was just thinking. Thanks again for sending me home."
"No problem. I guess I'll see you soon."
"I guess."
"See you, have a good night, Destiny."
"You too, Damien."

He pulled me into another of his bear hugs and we stayed there for what seemed like forever. I cherished that moment, slowly remembering his touch, his warmth, slowly memorizing each and every inch of his body. He finally let me go, and I went back home. Days carried on like this, meeting at Starbucks, and going on crazy adventures with each other. And as each day passed, we grew closer, sharing secrets, sharing comfort. It was on the fifty eighth day that he first kissed me, and I would always remember the softness of his plump lips, the sparks that flew between us. On the hundred and thirtieth second day, I lost my virginity to him. It was a mind-blowing experience, and I remembered how I felt whole when he penetrated me. We had cuddled afterwards, not breathing a word, just laying there in each other's arms, taking in all the sweetness. At this point, I really, truly believed that the curse had said it's last goodbye and was finally releasing me from it's torturous grip. But on the two hundred and third day, I learnt the cold, horrible truth that it did not.

The day started out just like any other, us sitting comfortably at our usual table, sipping the rich coffee and inhaling it's pleasent aroma. Damien had said that he wanted to take me to some place, and so I had let him. He brought me back to the park where we first strolled, and we sat on the exact same bench.

"Destiny, I need to tell you something."
"Yes, Damien?"
"We can't do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"We can't carry on like this anymore. Look I know I'm being-"
"You're breaking up with me?"
"Destiny, baby, listen."

Tears swamped my eyes, but I blinked them back and tried to listen.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place because ultimately, I knew this was inevitable."
"Uh,"
"You see, I'm married. Yes I know, you have all the right to be angry with me, and hit me if you want, because I'm truly sorry to know how much I'm going to hurt you, how I'm already hurting you."
"But I love you!"
"Yes, I know, and I loved you, too. But we can't, we can't do this, Destiny. And I'm really sorry it had to come to this."
"But-"
"Hush, my dear. I know whatever I say will never heal your wounds that I have inflicted, but I can't do this anymore, do you not understand?"
"Please. Don't. Damien, you mean everything to me! You make me complete. I can't, I can't live without you. Please don't do this to me, please. You won't know how much it'll hurt."
"I have to."

And with that, he got up and walked away. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and sobbed my heart out. The fucking curse. It had never left. I was absolutely sick and tired of this curse, and my mother's words came into my mind again - 'I was not meant to be on this Earth'. She was right, I was not meant to be on this Earth. What was the use of living if you were never happy? If you had to live every day wallowing in your own tears, harbouring your ever wounded heart? I wiped away the last of my tears and stood up. I slowly paced further down the park, where it ended and broke into the sea. What was the use of living if you were cursed? If it never allowed you to live in the first place, if everyday you suffered in silence, if everyday you were hurting so bad you think your body is ripping itself apart. I reached the shore, and I glanced out toward the open ocean.

It was a lovely night, the moon was full and bright, just like the first time Damien and I.. Ok, I had to stop thinking about him, it was fucking over! Anger welled up inside of me, clashing with the sadness that was already over-flowing, reminding me that I was cursed. There was really no use to be alive, to have been saved from death once, if living was to be like this for the rest of my life. What was the use of continuously torturing myself if it only meant short bursts of happiness? I took off my shoes, and walked further down the shore, towards the sea. I guess the answer for all of my questions was that, no, it was not worth it. It was not worth the never ending pain, the silent suffering. Heck, it was never even worth it in the first place. And with that last thought, I walked further into the majestic ocean, and did not stop until the salty water covered my head, engulfing me, until it burned my lungs, and until it drowned all the pieces of my broken heart.

The End

Photoshoot @ ION

2009-11-26T02:41:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, Kimmie came over to my house.
She took a cab, and I swear, the driver can suck my balls.

Kimmie said st. 11, he go drive until st. 21!
Then he go "Ah, not st. 21 ah?"

So he drove back to st. 11, and came to the wrong block.
Kimmie got so pek cek she just told him to let her alight,
And the fare was $5.20!
Mad or not, from TPY to Bishan,
Somemore not peak period.
Usually she cab here only $3+

AND SHE PAID HIM FULL FARE,
OMG I SWEAR I WANT TO BOX HIM.

Anw, she came and ate whilst I showered,
Then she patiently helped me choose clothes to wear for the photoshoot later.
Lol I swear I love her.

Then we were kind of running late so we took a cab down to Orchard which was also motherfucking expensive.
Like $15+ -___________-
But guess it was ok,
Because like peak periods + jams.

Yes we're so red because of the traffic light and not because we put on blusher like we nv use blusher before.

Anw, really big (L) (L) (L) to Kimmie for patiently waiting for me to end, and having dinner w me later.

Thanks to photogs Celeste and Jeremy.

P/s: Read the post below :D

Bedtime Story

2009-11-26T00:53:00.003+08:00

Was talking to Kimmie on MSN.

Fail #1.

T: BTW, I tried curling my hair today, HAHAHAHAHHAHAH.
K: LOLOL HOW WAS IT. goldilocks
T: YA, LOL, LOOKS OK LA, BUT MAKE ME LOOK OLD
K: but even if you trap in the castle no one will save you...
T: Goldilocks wasn't trapped in a castle, LOL
K: RLY, RLY? THEN, IS IT THE PORRIDGE??? THE PORRIDGE SHE EAT
T: THE THREE BEARS HOUSE LA
K: :'(:'(:'( :'(:'(:'( IS IT THE WOLF BLOW THE STRAW HSE? no la that's red riding hood
T: NO, THREE LITTLE PIGS.
K: OMFG
T: OMGGGGG
K: OMFG, OMFG, ARE YOU SRS
T: YES, LOLLLLLL
K: NO ER IM NOT KIDDING, IM NOT PRETENDING, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, OMG
T: LIL RED RIDING HOOD IS THE WOLF WANNA EAT HER

Fail #2.

K: ER RED RIDING HOOD GOT WOLF, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, then what's the
T: THREE LIL PIGS IS THE WOLF BLOW DOWN THEIR HOUSES, OMGGGGGGG
K: lang lai le!!! lang lai le!!!
T: THREE LIL PIGS LA
K: I FORGOT LA
T: FIRST IS STRAW HOUSE, NEXT IS STICKS
K: OKOK
T: LAST IS BRICK
K: OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fail #3.

K: snow white got 7 dwarves
T: YA
K: HA!!!! BEAT THAT!!!
T: DWARFS, LOLLLLL

Fail #4.

K: i dont want to talk to you alr
T: I NEED TO RETEACH YOU YOUR FAIRYTALES, LOL. TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS IN SNOW WHITE
K: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. READ ME BEDTIME STORIES, -cuddles-
T: LOLLLLLL, OK, RDY?
K: :$:$
T: RDYYYYY?
K: :$:$:$:$:$:$:$:$:$:$::$$
T: RDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
K: I WANT HAPPY ENDING
T: OK
K: ok, -covers ears-
T: .....

Fail #5.

T: READY OR NOT, I GOING TO START LEH
K: NO I SLEEP ALR
T: KNNCCB
K: MAMA PLS TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, AND MAKE YOUR WAY OUT
T: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
K: OF MY RM. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Fail #6.

T: I GOING TO START TELLING ALR! READY OR NOT
K: NO
T: I DON'T CARE, -STARTS-
K: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT KIND OF
T: ONCE UPON A TIME
K: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
T: THERE WERE TWO PRINCESSES
K: kimmie
T: ONE WAS KIMMIE,
K: :$:$:$:$
T: AND THE OTHER WAS TESSA.
K: ........
T: THAT DAY
K: ...............................................................................................
T: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K: .....................................................................
T: I TELLING STORY OK
K: ......................................................
T: BITCHHHHHH
K: ....................................................
T: I DON'T WANT TELL ALR
K: ....... LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
T: SPOIL MY MOOD!!!!!

ANYWAY,
Point learnt from all this is Kimmie sucks,
Can't even remember her fairytales.
And, she cannot make up her mind,
Or, keep her mouth shut.

Thus I have to resort to completing my story here,
In peace!

Bedtime story for Kimmie

Once upon a time, there were two princessess, Kimmie and Tessa. Even though they were sisters, they were just step-sisters, because Kimmie's mother married Tessa's father after Kimmie's father, the King, died a horrible death (fell off his horse then landed on the expressway). Because Kimmie was the 'true' princess, she always bullied Tessa, making her do chores everyday for 23 hours, like clipping Kimmie's toenails and brushing her long, untidy hair. And Kimmie could get away w it, because the Queen and King were too busy fucking in their bedroom to care what their daughters were doing. (King wanted Queen to have another baby, but because he is lacking down there, they had to try extra hard.)

The truth is, when the Queen chose to marry Tessa's father, Kimmie disapproved of that fact, because Tessa was very pretty. Tessa's hair was longer and silkier than hers, her skin fairer than anyone in town, and her features the most proportionate. But Kimmie could not convince her mother not to marry, because her mother v desperately wanted to marry Tessa's father (he said that he is 28cm and can hold for 3 hours - which later proved to be a pathetic 10cm and a maximum erection time of 30 seconds.) So Kimmie had to be the bride's maid and go through w the wedding.

One day as Tessa was scrubbing the tiles of Kimmie's bathroom, Kimmie stormed in her bedroom, not knowing that Tessa was just next door. A loud thud was heared as Kimmie jumped into her bed, and another loud thud was heared as the Queen came into the bedroom and slammed the door.

"Ah girl, why so angry."
"You know one lor, next week the v handsome prince got ball, then I got nothing revealing to wear!"
"Aiyo, simple lah, I just order for you lor!"

Upon hearing that there was going to be a ball, Tessa got very excited and knocked over the pail of water.

"Wah, what's that sound, ah girl?"
"Er nothing lah."

But the Queen wasn't convinced, so she went into the toilet to see Tessa drenched in dirty water.

"Aiyo! Ah girl number 2, why you shower w clothes?"
"Sorry, I think I forget take off lah"
"Tsk, next time remember lah!"
"Okok I will."
"Btw hor, your invitation on the table outside"
"Ok, I later go take, thank you."

The Queen then left the room. Once she was out, Tessa ran out of the bathroom, only to see Kimmie running out too. They both raced to the table, but Kimmie reached first, and she took the invitation.

"EH! That is mine!! You got yours already lor, don't greedy can."
"I know I got mine, I just don't want you to go, BITCH!!!"

And with that, Kimmie shredded Tessa's invitation and threw it all over the floor. She also asked her to clean it up. Tessa was very sad, because she was looking forward to the ball. But the invitation was ruined, so there was no way she could go now. She cied as she cleaned up the mess, wishing there was a way to go to the ball.

Suddenly, there was a cloud of fairy dust, and the fairy godmother appeared.

"Ah girl number 2, why you crying?"
"Fairy godmother, Kimmie tear up my invitation, now I cannot go to the ball!"
"Nevermind lah, I help you!"

And with that said, the fairy godmother waved her wand a produced the most revealing dress ever.

"Take this and keep first, next week before the ball I help you again."

Tessa was very happy and kept the dress in her secret hiding spot - her closet. After that, she hurridly went back to doing her chores.

Just like that, a week passed and the fairy godmother came back to visit Tessa.

"Ah girl number 2, the ball going start alr, hurry change."

Tessa quickly ran to her closet and changed.

"Ok, now makeup and hair!"

With that, the fairy godmother waved her wand and gave Tessa a makeover. Tessa quickly thanked the fairy godmother and ran out.

"Wah fuck, I forget, Kimmie went already and she took the BMW carraige lor. Now how to go?"
"Aiya, BMW so what? I give you Porche ah!"

So the fairy godmother waved her wand and turned a nearby pumpkin into a Porche carraige. Tessa thanked her once again and sped off towards the ball.

When she reached, she quickly parked in the garden and went to the ball. Because she didn't have an invitation, she crawled through the toilet window. Despite smelling almost like shit, she looked stunning. So she went out, into the ballroom. Almost immediately, she spotted the Prince, Jason. She started walking towards Jason, who was dancing like a girl. Jason spotted Tessa, and stopped dancing immediately.

"Wah, you are the most sexist girl I have seen tonight! Can almost see everything!"

Kimmie heared Jason's exclaim and sprinted towards them.

"Walao Jason, that's what you said to me! And you, bitch, why you here?"

Tessa panicked, but Jason didn't hear what Kimmie said because he was too busy staring at Tessa's boobs.

"Er, I just wanted to come and dance w Jason."

Jason heard that though (because whenever people mention him, it was sure to be important - according to him anyway), and grabbed Tessa to dance, whilst trying to fondle her but failing. Tessa was still v happy though, because she finally got to dance w the most handsome man in the country.

Just then, the clock striked twelve, and Tessa remembered that she needed to go back home now, because she was cooking pot roast for supper, and it was going to spoil. So she quickly ran out, and in the process dropped her toenail. But she didn't notice. She went to her carraige and sped back home.

The prince was very sad because he thought Tessa was the prettiest princess he had ever seen, and he wanted to marry her. So he ran out, hoping to catch up w her, but he was too slow. He wanted to break down and cry, but just then, he saw the toenail and he picked it up. "It must have belonged to that sexy girl" he thought, so he ordered his guards to conduct a search the next day, to find the owner of the toenail.

The next day, the guards went around, house to house, to find the owner of the toenail. Finally, they arrived at the Queen's palace. When they knocked on the door, Kimmie sprinted out, shouting at them that it is her toenail. The guards tried to fit the toenail on her toes, but all of her toes got toenail, so the guards knew that Kimmie was not "the one". When asked whether there were any other girls in the palace, Kimmie quickly exclaimed no, and shoved them towards the door. But one of the guards was v pro and saw Tessa scrubbing the kitchen floor. So he called the guards and the Prince back in to try the toenail on Tessa.

When they did, it was a perfect fit, and the Prince also remembered Tessa from yesterday, and asked her to marry him. Tessa immediately said yes, and kissed the Prince, whilst the guards stopped Kimmie from throwing her stilettos at them.

The wedding was arranged and held, and Kimmie, not being able to deal w the anger and frustration, was sent to a metal asylum. But they all lived happily ever after. Well, except the Queen and the King because they still couldn't conceive a goddamn baby.

The End!

See, happy ending right!
LOLLL,
Ok I officially proclaim it to be the best bedtime story ever.

Calise

2009-11-23T00:43:00.007+08:00

Calise

One Shot

Rated K
For violence

Author's note: Ok I've decided to try writing a one shot (it's like a short story/scene etc.) for the first time in my life. And my MicroSoft word is expired so I typed this on Notepad -.- So sorry for any grammer/spelling mistakes.

"Duck! Duck, Calise, DUCK!"

Calise quickly dove for cover, just in time for the glass panel behind her to shatter into a million pieces and rain upon her like sparkling diamonds. She swore under her breath but hurridly composed herself just in time to spring a surprise attack on the 'enemy'. With an amazing skilled swing, her parang struck flesh, and blood splattered in bursts of contrasting streams and tiny drops. She grinned as he slowly crumbled to the floor, moaning as he grabbed his injured leg, desperately trying to stop the blood that was flowing profusely out of the gashing wound.

"Calise quick, he's getting away."

The main reason why they were there, Calise and her crew - Jaz, Deanne, Amy, Sherene and Brie, was because they had to take him out. Him, not his back-ups, not his friends. Just him. They had to get him, and get him now, so Calise hastily composed herself and sprinted to her friends' side.

"To your right Calise, there!"

Deanne sweared her head to her right, where a shadow could be seen in her peripheral vision. A slight ghast of wind toyed with Deanne's hair as Calise raced towards that dark figure. The rest wasted no time in following her trail, moving rhythemically toward their target.

"You son of a bitch, stop and face me like a real man."

Calise indeed lived up to her title of the fastest in the team, she had caught up with him in no time at all.

"Ah, my dear Calise, here you are again."

Soft moonlight flickered through the intricate web that the pine trees weaved with their branches, slowly, angle by jutted angle, unravelling the mysterious figure. It was Brett. They had finally found him. The whole point of them particularly coming here was to get Brett.

"Shut up, Brett."
"Why, babe, what's wrong?"
"Don't you call me that you-"
"Aw, look who's angry."

Calise's blood boiled even at the thought of him. Three weeks ago, Brett committed the ultimate betrayal - he turned his back on the crew. He had almost gotten Calise killed because of his adamant and selfish ways. Sweat trickled down in tiny beads, down the limp strands of Calise's hair, down her porcelain skin, down her ragged clothes. She would never forget that day - not now, not ever. The loud, resounding shots of revolvers and machine guns still rung in her ears, filling up the silence, pushing all other noises out of her earshot. The look on the peoples' faces around her, their pupils dilated, drained of hope. Their faces wrinkled and hollow, tired from the never ending fights. But the most vivid and clearest part of that memory would have to be that look on Brett's face, as his long fingers wrapped themselves on the shiny, silver trigger, and as he slowly raised the weapon and took aim at the unsuspecting Steffie. If the saying "looks can kill" was true, then the look Brett was shooting at Steffie would have probably drained the life out of her in less than a second. His plump lips curled up into a twisted smile, and his mud brown hair was flying all over the place. Just like a madman, Calise always thought.

"You'd be angry if you were me too, Brett."
"For what?"
"Don't ask me that, you jolly well know why, you asshole."

The thing Calise regretted the most was being too late. Just as she turned around to witness what Brett was doing, she flew to him, shouting panick ridden warnings to Steffie. But she was too late, Brett pulled the trigger, and everything stopped. The sound of the bullet whizzing through the air, and piercing human flesh, filled the whole area, the only disruption being Steffie's body coming heavily down, and her bones making contact with the cold, hard cement floor when they should not have. Steffie was Calise's best friend, and at that moment in time, Calise's whole world had seemed to cease to exist. In almost perfect mimicking, Calise, too, lost feeling in her legs and allowed gravity do the rest. But not before she swore to Brett's escaping silhouette that she would get him for his damnable deed, for what he so cold-heartedly did to her best friend.

"Aw, still holding a grudge, baby?"

His menacing words pulled Calise back to the present, and she focused, determined to fufill her promise to Steffie. Her eyes widened and lightened, as if they were set on fire. Muscles tensed beneath the fabrics of her clothes, and she found her lips curling up almost the same way Brett's did, into that sick, masochistic smile. She paced forward, towards Brett, one heavy, anger-filled footstep at a time. Just as she was one hair length's away from his ugly, dirt-patched face, she stopped.

"Yes, Brett. I do still hold a grudge. And now I'm going to get back at you for what you did to Steffie!"

In one swift motion, Calise tugged free her gun safely tucked away underneath her ruined jacket, placed the stainless steel barrel to Brett's head, and fired.

The End

Never let go,

2009-11-22T21:30:00.012+08:00

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Then why oh why
Can't I

Kimmie's coming over to my house tomorrow to bake.
:D

On a random note,
I want to make ice cream,
But I have no idea how to get Kosher Salt -_______-
Whatever that is anyway.

And my lappy's still not letting me go to google.com.sg
Wth whyyyyyy.

Ok my life is boring I've got nothing to say.

------

Post post thoughts:

I don't know why but I feel so urgh.
Yes I can't find a chim word to describe the feeling.

When my plans get cancelled,
I always think:
"Who should I go out with now?"

And most of the time I realise I have no one.
Am I that pathetic?

I only spend my time with 2 people,
And other than that I spend my time alone at home rotting away.

When I look at how others socialise,
I wonder how many of them are truly their friends,
And how many are there just for the ride.

But I guess some people do really have very good friends,
Who'd hopefully accompany them throughout their life.

Ok right I have no idea why I'm still writing now though no one rarely comes here anymore.
LOL.

Screw you

2009-11-22T00:14:00.001+08:00

Changed my blogskin but it's screwed.
Just realised my estimation sucks because I had to move the boxes around like 10 million times before I got them to where I wanted.
Epic fail.

Anyway too lazy to edit now will continue when I feel like it.
It's still ok righhhhht.

On the other hand,
I can finally access Blogger again but now I can't go to Google.
My lappy hates me I swear.

Baby, come back.

2009-11-20T21:52:00.002+08:00

A lot and nothing has been happening in my life.

My great grandmother just died.
Though I wasn't close to her I guess it kind of hit me real hard that she's gone, when I saw her body.
I don't know, I guess it just hit me that a life just ended there.

The monk there gave a speech in chinese and I was rly trying to catch something but I sort of fell asleep.
But I did catch this:

You can prepare for life and say that by next year I'm going to buy a house. By the next 10 years I'm going to have 'x' amount of money in my bank account. But have you ever thought that you could die tomorrow? Or next week? What about that?

And I guess he's right.
What about that?
What if I die tomorrow?
Would I say that I went w no regrets,
Or would I be contemplating about all the wasted time and unfinished tasks?

I guess it gave me sort of a wake up call.
Even thought I have no idea what I'm doing w my life,
I think I'm going to work hard next year and for once in my life concentrate on my studies.
Righhhht.

Pull a silly face and move on.

Anw, on the bright side (I guess)
I met my aunt's friend at the funeral and she signed me up for a competition.
So yeahhhhh.
Tomorrow's the second round and I need to go down.
Scared.
But I hope I'll make it through.
Fingers crossed xx.

I've been in such a quirky mood.

P/s: I really miss you.

:/

2009-11-18T00:31:00.003+08:00

The worst thing in life is "Attachment", because it hurts so much when you lose it.
The best thing in life is "Loneliness", because it teaches you everything, and, when you lose it, you gain everything

-__________-"

2009-11-14T10:04:00.002+08:00

My stupid lappy is PMSing again and it won't let me go to blogger.com.
It shows me some search page for it.
I had this prob before then it went away but now it's back.
WHY?!　:(
Blogging on my iTouch.

Went to distribute flyers w Kimmie.
Amazingly she was only late once LOL.

Btw, I dyed my hair black again but it's dark brown.
I kinda like it, looks a bit highlighted.

:(

2009-11-02T21:19:00.005+08:00

** Wtf, my com just shut down by itself when I was writing this damn pissed off I swear.
I have just learnt how to appreciate auto-save.

I am super pissed off now.
Wanted to do a dedication post but my lappy was having PMS and it's super laggy now I swear I almost threw it to the ground but my mum stopped me -.-"

It takes 6 fucking minutes to load a page and my Dad doesn't want to buy a new laptop for me because he says it can be fixed.

But no lor already try to fix so many times but can't.

-___________-"

....

Anw.
I missed the last day of school.
But nvm I'll be back on the 6th to collect streaming results :D
Anxious yet somewhat oblivious to that fact.

But I have to say that I'd definately learnt a lot this year, apart from the acadamics.
I learnt who are my friends and who are not,
And what life is.
I learnt how to handle different situations and different people,
And how to control my emotions.

So thank you 2/7.

Even though we aren't the 'smartest' class, or the 'top',
We definately have the best class in terms of character and people.
In my opinion at least.

And thank you very much to all my friends too.
You all really helped me through thick and thin.

Britt Sakina Me Narelle Kimmie

Diy Me Kimmie Lez Che Dionne Bec

Me Diy YF Che Bec Sam

Che Kim Dionne Lez and Ghost

Bec Che Dionne Me

Bec Che Me

Fel Me Narelle Britt

Me Fel Britt

Me Britt Fel

Top: Me Fel
Bottom: Eliza Mich Bec

Me Fel Kimmie Kim

Me Fel Kim Kimmie

I remember the first day I stepped into the class and I was like
'Fuck it, another school year. And w this class again -.-'

But slowly I changed my mind.
I think the whole class has grown,
One way or another.

We learned to work w each other better,
We learned to pick on each other's flaws and give them constructive criticism,
We learned to cheer each other up and have each other's backs,
And most of all,
I guess, we just learned to love each other.

Nat

Me Nat

Hi, Bimbo.

I just want to say a hugeee Thank You to you babe.

Thanks for being chairperson this year,
Thanks for helping me w my duties,
Thanks for being such an awesome friend.

I remember when Mr Ng put us next to each other in class and we both were so excited lol.
But we had so much fun passing notes in class and laughing like -,-

So thank you babe for helping me stay awake in class (well, sometimes anw)
:D

Britt

Me Britt

I guess I only got close to you like towards to end of the year.
But I'm glad I did.

I used to think you were a big ass bitch but I guess you're not so bad after all (HAHA ok don't slap me)

Thanks for all the therapy sessions :D
It was.. an experience.

Thanks for sticking w me through thick and thin,
And picking me up when I fall.

Thanks for always being there for me.

I really appreciate it babe :)

Sakina Britt

Britt Sakina

I can't find a single picture of Sakina because she doesn't want to take pictures by herself! -.-"

I first saw you when you came into this school for Netball training.

My first thought was like 'WTF, why is she making such a stupid mistake?! Out of all the 20+ CCAs you choose NETBALL?'

LOL.
And then you got transferred to our class,
I was like 'Omg another person? Our class no space laaaa.'

But I guess I seriously underestimated you.
When you got top in class I was like woah.

But thanks for always being so kind to me.
And for trying to teach me math.

'Sakina, do you understand what Ng is saying?'
'No.. I'm doing it by myself'
'-.-'

Kim

Kim Me

Me Kim

Hi bitch.

~~I rly hate you so I got nth to say about you.~~

Thanks for being there for me during training.
I know you get pissed off but thanks for the motivation.

Thanks for always crapping w me in class,
Sending notes etc.

And thanks for sending me home sometimes :)

But you're still a major bitch ok.
Everytime talk non-stop piss me off lah.

p/s: Let's go try shisha together! :)

Fel

Hahha hi baby.

Thanks for always being there to make me laugh,
And for understanding what I'm going through.

And er for keeping a list for me lol.

Thanks for always signing w me though you suck.
A lot.
(Ok joking I'm v bad too -.-)

Thanks for all the gummy bears
All the sweets
Cuz w/o them I'd fall asleep in class.

Hahha and thanks for always making my day better.
:D

Narelle

Hi you need to eat more.

Thanks for helping out w group work,
And for being there when I needed you to be.

And thanks for spamming each other's FaceBook w me.
LOL.

And please eat more.

Did I mention eat more?

Lez

Thanks for always joking w me in class.

The Mr Bean dance,
The sexy voices.

Hahha.
And your weird tasting water.

Thanks for not understanding Math w me,
And for failing Chinese w me.

'Hey what did you get for Chinese?'
'F9'
'SAME! Hi-5!'
'Hi-5!'

LOL.

Che

Me Che

Me Che

Che Me

Thanks baby for always listening to me whenever I needed a listening ear.

And thanks for always sharing sweets w me, hahaha.

Thanks for all your lovely hugs and kisses and for never failing to cheer me up.

I really appreciate it :D

Kimmie

Kimmie Me

Kimmie Me

Kimmie Me

Me Kimmie

Me Kimmie

Kimmie Me

Hi babe.

I don't know where to start thanking you.
You really helped me a lot this year and I'm glad that you came into my life.

Thanks for really pushing me on.

I actually didn't expect us to be this close,
Esp after you said I was talkative (>:[)

But really, thank you.
Thank you for sticking w me through thick and thin,
And for always being there for me.
Thanks for picking me up whenever I fall,
Because I really appreciate that.

w/o you I wouldn't have known how to survive emotionally through the year.

Thanks for always being my listening ear and my shoulder to lean on.

And thanks for all the apple and watermelon juices.
:P

And how's your angel? :D

....

Anw, I just wanna say I really big thank you for everyone in 2/7 and for those that I didn't mention I'm sorry but I didn't forget you.

Thanks Michelle, SY, Anthea, Eliza, Eugenia, Nat, Dionne and Elaine for all those fun recess times.

Thanks to the whole class comm: Nat, Britt, Anthea, Che, Lez.

Thanks to our class reps:
English Rep.: Gracine
Mathematics Rep.: Brittany
Science Rep.: Narelle
History Rep.: Nat(?)
Geography Rep.: Nat
Literature Rep.: Cheryl Poh
Art Rep.: Felicia
Drama Rep.: Kimmie
Chinese Rep. 1: Celestine
Chinese Rep. 2: Hui Wen
PE Rep.: Sharmaine

Thanks to our 'performing group': Gracine, Sharon, Celes, Britt, Sam.

Thanks to everyone for making my year in 2/7 so memorable.
Love you all xoxoxoxoxo :-*

p/s:

Muahahhaa.

p/s/s: I messaged Kim.

Me: Go read my blog.
Kim: Ok
Me: :D
Kim: Fucking bitch I love you.

LOL

2009-10-31T00:19:00.002+08:00

I miss the days when I was a kid.
I'd live every day worry-free and all I ever did was eat, sleep, shit.
But now it's like I can't go a minute w/o thinking of a problem be it a small one or a this-is-the-end-of-the-world one.

What happened to innocence?

I just it just gets taken from you,
Bit by bit as you grow up.

I don't know if I enjoy growing up or not.
I embrace the fact that w growing up comes more privilidges but on the other hand also encompasses responsibilities, risk and fear.

Hahaha what am I talking about.

I just guess the recent ups and downs have made me grow to be a better person (I hope)

Ok.
Weird post bye bye.

D':

2009-10-28T23:07:00.002+08:00

Family

I've been reflecting quite a bit after I got my results.
I guess I should have studied,
But I do not regret not doing so.

I was unmotivated and adament and now I'm just reaping what I've sowed.

I am definately going to try to work harder next year.
I'll start with actually studying.
Lol.

Anw,
I'm glad I scrapped through.

I've decided to go to a combined science class.
Because I know I can't survive with pure science and A Math.

But I'll work hard.
I will try.
I will push on.
I hope.

Anw!
I've got a new found love: Archery
LOL.

It was damn fun I swear.

Ok I think school is super boring this week.
Go school sleep,
Come home sleep,
At night sleep.

Full time pig.

-.-

2009-10-25T13:27:00.002+08:00

Sianz, don't feel like going home cuz I know I'm going to die until cannot die already.

Got back some exam results.
Quite expected I guess cuz I didn't study.
Got F9 for chinese lolz
34.5/140 can it get any worse lol.
But I maintained A for English.
-wipes sweat-

When I saw the marksheet it was printed that I got 64 I almost fainted
Then Mrs Vincent said they printed wrong lollllz.

Ok I am bored
And having sore throat cough flu runny nose.
Urgh.

2009-10-22T02:21:00.002+08:00

死啦！

EOYs are finally over but somehow I don't have that sense of joy or relish in that fact.
Maybe it's because I know that I didn't study so I'd probably fail everything lol.

Anw, this week has been hell.
I think waiting for results is even more vexing than taking exams -.-"
All I've been telling myself is,
"I can't wait to go back to school on Friday"
Lol.

Watching My Sister's Keeper w Brittany tomorrow!
Yes I've saved up for a movie lol.
Feli's not joining us though ;(

Gonna lunch than go for movie at cine Orchard.

And I need to go have breakfast at Bugis at 9 which means I need to wake up at 7 tomorrow.
And it's 230am now lol gg.

I think my life is super boring,
I've got absolutely nothing to blog hurray.

我想对您说对不起。
是不是我做错了？
还是因为您不喜欢我了？
我真的很想念以前，
你敢对我说＂我想你＂

宝贝，别走。

2009-10-14T12:56:00.003+08:00

卸下美丽的外壳
透明的我们还剩下什么?
爱情就像水晶球
坚固而脆弱

一个人也许自由
二个人的感动大过天空
喜怒哀乐共同拥有
不让遗憾留

我还相信爱可以走过乱流
紧紧握住双手一秒就够
不孤单寂寞

我还相信爱要有梦才会快乐
就算未来的路不同
你在我心中到永久

感觉寒冷时候
我抱你在我胸口
当你流泪的时候
我在这里不走
爱散发的温柔
在此刻用心感受
我想和你一起
让幸福转动

Had Lit paper today.
Was super sian-I-want-to-sleep-my-hand-pain.
I ended up sleeping 40 minutes before the paper ended lol wtf,
I bet I'm going to fail lor.

Anw, Math tomorrow,
Going to fail too.
Going for once in my life, study for math.
Intense tuition :D

Not like I'm gonna do anything but let's make it look like I've tried.

After Math is History,
Then next week Science and exams are overrrrr :D

I can't wait can't wait for 20th Oct.

My Sister's Keeper debuts on 22nd Oct.
Told Britt I'd be going w her and Feli,
But no money to watch movie leh.
They go in watch I wait outside LOL.

Anw I'm super hungry now I think I'm going to faint :(

Before I go:

Meet my Kim baby.
She's newb, noob and noobz :D

Thanks baby for sending me home so many days this week!
I v scared of your daddy he look so xiong and nv talk one.
Lol.

Anw good luck for Math you can do it :D

I alr mentally prepare myself to fail Math so yup.
Good game.

>:(

2009-10-12T16:27:00.002+08:00

Chinese paper today was killer.
Totally did not understand all of the passages lah.
Wtf they talking, everything no link!

Confirm fail lah,
I'm alr confirmed minus 19 marks because I left blank hahahha.
Right.

I'm trying to chiong Art now but I'm kinda failing. :(
Done w like, 4 pages.
6 to go whoooo -.-

I know what I wanna draw,
But I hate to do observational sketches + developement!
Since when is Art so mafan.

If I wanna draw something natural instinct is just draw,
Not do a mindmap right -.-"

Omg.
I'm so so happy I did not go for Art selection test (Not like I intented to, but yup.)

Anw, geog tomorrow, good game.
I sure no time.
:'(

I feel super I-don't-want-to-do-Art-but-I-have-to-so-bo-bian.

Exams please be over sooooon :(

你有坚持的事情
我也有我的个性
这次不让你

最恨别人对我不相信
我想往的情密是一起做決定
干涩太多是囚禁
沟通太太少是梳理
爱有千百万中定义

三天不练罗
和解要被动
不谈对错
假装没了战过

三天泪狂流
残局你来收
虽然心疼
不能摊手低头
心思拉扯中

-.-

2009-10-10T00:09:00.003+08:00

没别的
只想说对不起
对不起我真的爱你

不管你会真么想
你真么做
也不会改变我的决定

你知道有时候
感情是很难说
很难说爱人或朋友

想给你听我的心跳
想你知道我睡得不好
喝水想着你
搭车想着你
关眼壁眼开出现的全是你

我才不到你的表情
我等不到你的会议
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你

对不起对不起
我爱你

Had English paper today.
I think I go take exam to sleep only lah.
Had paper 1 first.
Slept for like half an hour.
Then break,
Paper 2.

1045-1225 and I prolly slept at 1125.
Everyone was asking why I slept so early.
Idk also,
Just that finished the paper and didn't bother to check so I went to sleep.
LOL.

But I thought that the compre was pretty hard for the first passage was it not?
Passage B was still ok I guess,
And the summary was ok but I think I missed out a lot of points.

Anw, monday is chinese.
GG.

I can't even find my e dictionary lah lol.
My sis can't either.

Tues is Geog and Art.
Die die die.

I am not done w my prep studies for Art!
I hate Art super mafan.

I would rather take 10 SOVA tests than do 1 prep study for Art.

你听一听我的心跳
你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你　
搭车想着你　
关眼壁眼开出现的全是你

我猜不了你的表情　
我等不到你的回忆

不想难为你　
又不想放弃你　
決定告诉你
对不起对不起　
我愛你

:(

2009-10-08T21:07:00.004+08:00

Today was the last day of lessons.
Kinda mixed feelings.

Happy that the year is ending,
Yet unhappy because we'll never be a class again,
Esp next year when we're streamed into different classes.

Today the class was quite dead though,
And Mr Ng had the last period.
He said some touching things and people cried wtflolz.

But I wasn't listening I was copying English notes :0

I forgot that English paper is tomorrow.
Hahahahhahha.
Shitz.

I think I'll really miss my class :'(
Though you all are motherfucking irritating,
Never know when to shut up,
But I think we work well together (well sort of)

All the stupid crazy things,
Pranking teachers,
Thanking teachers,
Playing w teachers,
We had lots and lots of fun.

I'll never forget y'all :')

"We'll still be friends, ok? Even though next year we're all going to different classes, even though I'd probably delete your contact, not talk to you, bitch about you, hate you but remember - we'll still be friends." - Lesley

Btw,
I have not cleared my locker whooo.

Bec Che Me Lez

Bec Che Dionne Me

Che (L) Me

Me (L) Che

Me Che

Bec Che Me

Che Kim Dionne Bec Lez and Ghost

Lolz, today Shi Ying was wearing the mask and standing at the side of the class door.
Super funny watching everyone scream when they walk past/walk into class

Shi Ying!

Me and Kim

Her hair nice right.
Super irritating,
Everyday come ask me tie! >:(

Next time don't want tie alr,
My hand go on strike.

Kim's

Mine

Kim's de more brown lor.

Tying Che's hair.
Unglam.

Plucking Che's white hair

Ok I'm going to try to study.
:'(

我要做那比较爱你的人
可是我知道这不可能的

2009-10-07T20:10:00.003+08:00

Me and Yilu

Watching Sg Idol now,
And they're like singing different language songs wth?

Anw,
I don't know why but I'm super tired today :(

Drama exam today was ....................
Boomz

I'd really like to thank my amazing group members.
For all the effort put in.
Thank you Brittany, Sakina, Felicia, Narelle.
Thank you Gracine for lights.
Thank you Kimmie for music.

xoxoxo you all :D

I have a sudden urge to eat Macdonalds.

Ok today is a boring day byebye.

如果有一天我回到以前
回到最原始的我
你会不会觉得我不错？

当你说夜深你睡不早
我想对你说
却害怕都说错
我想说我好喜欢你
你知不知道？

:?

2009-10-06T20:55:00.006+08:00

Sian, Drama exam tomorrow.
Lessons today was super boring.
Was falling asleep during Math.
I really cannot take it.

During Lit I was like.
"Sleep sleep sleep sleep"
Then bth so I asked Mr Ragu if I could eat mooncakes and he said ok.
Hahaha he rocks to the max.

Chatting to Kim baby on msn.

K: hey baby.
T: Hey bitch.
K: wth :( not studying ah you
T: Nope I just home
K: hahahaa okay i go read dictionary brb
T: LOL?
K: CANNOT MEH WHATS YOUR PROBLEM LA HAHA brb la!

Lol wtf read dictionary?!

K: tomorrow tie my hair k muack!
T: Hmmmmm See my mood!
K: tomorrow tie my hair k
T: See my mood!
K: tomorrow tie my hair ok
T: See my mood!
K: tomorrow tie my hair okay:D
T: See my mood!
K: tomorrow tie my hair okay (L) :D
T: See my mood!
K: tomorrow tie my hair okay :) :D (L)
T: See my mood!
K: tomrrow tie my hair k :):D:-O(L)
T: See my mood!
K:tomorrow tie my hair k :):D:-O:P;) (L)
T: See my mood!
K: TOMORROW TIE MY HAIR K :@ tomorrow tie my hair k 8o|
T: SEE MY MOOD! SEE MY MOOOOOOOD!
K: AIYA I GO READ DICTIONARY LA
T:See my mood!!!!!!!
K: i read la not you HAHAHHAHAA

Anw.

Today's rehearsal was kinda crap.
A bit scared for tomorrow.

And.
I'm not studying in school tomorrow.
I have unofficially became the class stylist/tattoist.
Everyday people come my table and go:
"TESSA TIE MY HAIR!
TESSA DRAW FOR ME!
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE"

-.-"

To my darlings.
Tell you the truth,
I don't know how to french plait.
That day I did Gracine's was I anyhow tikam then in the end look nice!
Lol.

Ok, mfking pissed off w my maid.
>:(

Anw, super tired.
Going to shower and zzzz.

p/s: If you didn't notice, I cut my hair.
p/s/s: If you didn't notice either, I look like a guy.
p/s/s/s: I didn't choose this cut :(
p/s/s/s/s: Shut upppppp! >:(

:/

2009-10-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

我真的很累。
每天我都会问我自己，我到底要什么，到底要做什么？
我不知道。

我爱你，你是我的羅密歐
我愿意变成你的祝英台
心腹的每一天，浪漫的每一夜
把爱不放开。

;)

2009-09-30T21:42:00.003+08:00

Happy!

I uploaded pics into tinypic.com and then wanted to blog on my iPod like always, but decided to try to go the blogger.com again on my lappy to see if it's working and yes it is! :D

It's reverted back to the old website yay.

Which means I can upload pics here which means I've just wasted my time uploading everything to tinypic.

But whatever.

Supposed to have drama exam today but Narelle's sick and (sort of) lost her voice so it's been postponed to next week Wed.

Anw,
I love Drama rehearsals though we don't really get much done.

Me Fel Brit

We decided on a full dress rehearsal the day before exam.
Super last min.
And we're not even done w all the props.

-.-"

At least we still got (some) time.
I hope we'll be able to rush and get it done nicely :)

I was late for school today, yay.
Had to stand at the guard house there for half an hour.
What stupid new rule is this huh.
Late already, then teacher still want us waste one period.

Lol anw the previous time I was late the guard let me walk past,
So I went gen office to get my pink slip.

But today he ask me "Sec 4 ah?"
I said no, so he gave me a pink slip.

Lol, he said he though I was sec 4 the other time so he let me pass and I didn't have to stand there for half an hour! -.-

Anw, he was v nice and let me write 8.30 instead of 8.35.
And he let me go to class at 8.50 instead of 9.
He let me stand behind the guard house so no one can see me lol.
He say he stand up w me so I won't be alone,
Hahha, v gan dong!
Chatted the whole time then he let me go early :)

I think he's the nicest guard of all lor.
It's good to know ppl in school.
Lol.

Ummm.
Had drama rehearsal again today,
So I ponned Ng's extra lesson for me today because I missed his in the morning ~~yay~~

Me Fel Brit

Fel

Brit Me

Btw, Fel lost our other gun! -.-"
We paid like $5 for one stupid plastic toy gun.
And it can't even shoot anything it only makes a sound :(

Brit Me

I think Eliza's gun is damn cool,
It has a laser and it actually shoots foam bullets out.
And everyone was shooting everyone w it.
Stupid Fel shot me and it hurt. :'(

Today only three groups performed.
And I think Kim baby's was the best.
It was funny and I actually understood the storyline lol.

Good work babes :D

Fel's hugeass bear.

Had to bring it home today and ppl @ TPY inter were all staring at me giving me the wtf face.

I sat w it on the bus and people kept staring :'(

Anw I learnt something today.

No matter rain,

Or shine,

I'd still be stuck in the middle of everything.

Anw, I'm done w 2 Drama entries, left w 2!
But kinda cheated cuz I just doodled on like, half the page,
And wrote on the other half so I didn't have to write so much.
Super hard to explain/elab -.-"

Before rehearsal,
We were all changing and so.

Fel: Eh people don't blink when I change okay.
Us: Okayyyyyy.
Fel: Don't blink! *Strip totally infront of us
Us: *Eyes wide open looking at her
Fel: I say don't blink already right! Don't see la!
Kim: You say don't blink, so we stare lor!
Tessa: Ya lor ya lor!
Fel: I mean don't look la! Zzz *SHY
Us: HAHAHHAHAHA

Copied this from Kim's blog cuz lazy to type convo out again hahha.

Noob lah Fel.

After rehearsal we went to eat chicken rice!
I think I 6 out of 7 days eat chicken rice lor.
Zzz.

Then we went back and we decided to go home instead of having another run because we were shit tired and all.

So I was changing and then.

Fel: Eh Tessa, take off your shirt again.
Me: Whyyyy I change alr!
Fel: Because your bra v nice.
Me: Ya I know.
Fel: -.- Really v nice, I show you mine.
Me: Yours v ugly.
Fel: -.-"""" Ok tmr I wear nice one show you!
Me: On lor, I wear nicer one then we see who's nicer
Fel: On!!

Prove my point again that Fel is noob.

My mum just asked me:
"Tomorrow going to school?"

And I was like, "Tomorrow Thursday.. So nope."

Then she say ok.

Lol, idk what she thinking.

Brittany called me to go on MSN to send her songs
And once we were done she went offline just like that.
Bitch, watch out :'(

Anw, I really don't feel like going to school tomorrow.
All the boring lessons.

宝贝，你好吗？
你知不知道你这样做让我很难过吗？
可是只要你开心就可以了。
别走，别走。

2009-09-22T04:02:00.001+08:00

It's 402 am.
Need to wake up at 6 for school.

I think I'm waiting for nothing.
But what the heck.

Please call.
Please?

2009-09-16T20:56:00.001+08:00

Had the most amazing time w Kimmie Sakina Britt and Felicia today.
Thank you babes.

I think Plurk is starting to get boring.
My karma keeps on dropping :(

2009-09-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

有一个人告诉我，
＂你不必烦，不必难过。
因为你想那么多，只会让你自己不快乐。
可是，不管你那么不开心，也要活下去。
明天是新的一天，别乱想了。＂

2009-09-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

Finally done w new blogskin omg it killed me.

Blogger still can't work on my com though :(
Why why why.
And no,
The singtel thing doesn't work for me but thank you guys.

I am super lazy to post pictures because blogger is still majorly screwed,
And TinyPic takes super long to post :(

There's Art tomorrow.
Oh the joy.

2009-08-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

I've lost all motivation to do anything and everything.
Life's such a perplex and confusing thing that sometimes it just drains everything out of me trying to figure out what exactly living is.
Do you live to other people's expectations so that they can be happy but you sad,
Or do you make your wants and needs the first and see everyone around you flustered and disappointed whilst you're basking in your own happiness?

I'm thinking so much that I think my skull's going to split into two right now and then I'll need stitches for that, too.

Or do you live because it's a process that every living thing has to go through?
I really want to know the answer but I know there never will be one.

"Do not follow paths others have treaded on but instead start your own"

People say forgive and forget,
But how do you ever reach the state of forgetting if forgiving was already such a stranious task to undergo and excecute?
Your friend eats your sweets you've saved up for for a week.
Everyone says to forgive and forget.
You know you can forgive her,
But that memory, that action she took,
You won't forget it, right?

And that was a small scale example.

Philosophers should really be tested to test the logic of their statements.

All in all,
I really don't want to face reality because it's a big, motherfucking ugly monster that'll reach out and break my neck.

2009-08-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

如果我死了，你会不会伤心？

xoxo

2009-08-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

Spent the most slack day w Kimmie.

Stayed back in school to do homework.
But had lunch first and then I did my math.
Yes I don't believe it myself :D

Done w math did Lit but fell asleep halfway :(
Woke up and half completed it though.

I'm an epic fail at studying but at least I did Math and Science :D
And I paid some sort of attention during Chinese today.
I participated in the discussion wtf oTTL.

Anw, Michelle fell and this plastic thing cut into her arm.
Because she was hardworking and decided to help us for Lit play.

Btw, we won! :D

Special thanks to our director Gracine because w/o you babe nothing would have happened.
Thanks to our asisstant director Sakina for shouting at us to do work.
And for bringing us coffee and tea.
Thank you all the actors, Gracine, Diyanah, Brittany, Natalie, Felicia,
Because w/o any of you the play would not have happened.
Thank you stage directors, Rebecca and Kimmie,
Because w/o you, we would have been lost on stage.
Big kisses to the backdrop ppl and all who helped for the last minute rush.
Also thank you publicity people for the effort.

And not so big thanks to props and costumes for making us get our own! >:(

Anw, the play was a bomb.
Love you alll xoxoxoxo.

Btw, the cut is fake. It's just paint and plastic.

Back to today.
After studying w Kimmie and Alicia,
Yi Lu came to find us and she was super over the moon because she saw my pretty face.
Ok not, but who cares.

Walked to inter and filmed some fucked up shit.
Then Alicia had to go so K, YL and I went to BK to eat.

Yi Lu!

Kimmie!

Talked for awhile then Yi Lu had to go.
They all said wanted to eat dinner but in the end only I was eating :(
Wasted $6.95 on a burger, fries and a medium drink.
Why is BK so exp :(

Epic!

One dinner and yeah.
Chatted and walked about before Kimmie sent me to the bus stop and then she went to wait for her dad to come.

Got some stupid videos but I'm not gonna post because they're all over my Facebook thanks to Sharon Celestine and Samantha.

Btw,
My blogger doesn't open on my laptop.
It goes to some webpage that types in blogger on it's search engine.
Why?!
And even on my Sis's com the posting is screwed.
Are you all's too?
Omg oTTL
What is up w blogger!

Just when I feel like blogging again and it doesn't let me, poo :(

2009-08-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

我想对你说我爱你

2009-08-09T13:37:00.002+08:00

Have been taking taxis as if they're free.

What the fuck am I doing w my life.

Bianca

2009-07-30T21:07:00.001+08:00

I glance around as trees envelope us
with their long, sturdy trunks
and big, lofty leaves
but all I see is you

A crisp suit ecentuates your broad features
as the bright, chinese white shirt
accompanies my long, flowing gown
with layers of lace and silk and satin
threatening to break free
and run away with the wind

We gaze into each others' eyes
falling deeper and deeper
about to drown in their endless pools

That moment you break away
and I fit into you perfectly
as you draw me close
Like two jigsaw puzzle pieces
made to fit together
right from the start

Your lips are soft and
they taste like honey
The trees start falling
slowly, one by one
fading into oblivion.
The houses diminish
and all that's left
is you and me
alone on the top of the world.

The happiest day of my life -
the day I said 'I do'.

Thank you Kimmie, Brittany, Sakina and Narelle for guidance.

2009-07-30T20:48:00.000+08:00

Preshant,
A very very happy birthday to you!
Get well soon because your 4 day MC is going to be up :D
Haha no seriously,
Get well soon!

I have no idea what to do now.
School has been giving a lot a lot a lot of projectwork
And homework.
I swearrrrr,
There should be a homework limit manz.

Life's been a mess
I'm extremly greatful for all the people who have been and will always be by my side
I'm thankful that God put them on this world
I'm going to ignore what my mum says
Because God doesn't give up on anyone
I know he won't give up on me just yet

I'll treasure the people around me now
Because I know time is running out
I want to stop time now
But I know I can't

I don't want to make empty promises
But I'm touched and elated that you can
And you mean all that you say

I will do all I can
Even though I know it's not as much as you've put in
To save me
But I know that I'll always love you

I can tell you not to leave me
But that'll be selfish
Thank you for protecting me
Offering me a hand or shoulder every time

I'm sorry now
More than I ever was before
I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time and effort
I'm sorry I didn't treasure you before
I'm sorry I even treated you that way

I'm sorry I didn't get to know you before
I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance

I'm sorry I attached a stigma

Thank you,
The both of you.
I love you both,
So much that I'm going to burst.

2009-07-28T22:05:00.001+08:00

Kimmie Choy,
Thank you x9347973127347689347,
For pulling me through,
Picking me up,
And pushing me on.

If it weren't for you,
I would not have made it this far.

I owe you everything.

2009-07-27T21:21:00.001+08:00

And I cry to myself
Wondering what I've done wrong

2009-07-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

I can't upload photos or anything else to my blog.
What the fish.

2009-07-19T22:48:00.001+08:00

Woke up it was 7,
Waited till 11,
Just to figure out that no one would call.

Got nothing interesting to blog these days.
Mind's a mess OTL OTL OTL (Lol @ Kimmie)

I really need you by my side.
But whenever I reach out,
I can never seem to get to you.

Okkkkkkk it's 10.51pm and people aren't asleep yet!
I keep seeing classmates logging in msn omg.
No wonder everyone sleeps in class!

"I'm not a bad kid, I just actually have a mind of my own."
OTL.

2009-07-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

宝贝，

_____________

2009-06-30T21:37:00.000+08:00

我想了很久
我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么

2009-06-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

Off to Hong Kong!
Back in 5 days :P

Update:
Added Twitter to my blog so I can update on my iTouch where ever I go!

2009-05-31T14:11:00.000+08:00

Think of me, think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
Please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again, you long
To take your heart back and be free -
If you ever find a moment,
Spare a thought for me.

2009-05-30T01:11:00.001+08:00

"I am not worthy
To recieve You lord
But just say the word
And I shall be healed"

:D

2009-05-27T16:37:00.000+08:00

And I'm better off without you.

!! Just found this on the net.
First case of H1N1 in Singapore

Click!

Hahahha.
I hope the lady gets well soon.

Update:
There's like 4 cases now wtf -.-
And my excitement seems overrated.
I seriously should start finishing my posts all on one day lol.

Anyway!
My nose has been killing me.
I've been sneezing the whole day and I've used 10 boxes of tissue.
Ran out of tissue so I'm on my second roll of toilet paper now LOL.

I can't stand it.

People sprayed deoderant in class and my nose died.
Seriously.
And I cried.
HAHAHA.

Cause my nose was so pain and my eyes were red.
Yes, gross :(

And I'm tearing now cause I can't stop sneezing.

P/s:
I'm having tuition now.
My tutor said I looked sick so I took my temperature.
And it's like 37.6 AHHHHH.
HAHAHAH.

Now she's super scared of me and doesn't want to tutor me.
!!!
LOL.
Damn.

P/s/s:
Grandparents came over and I told them I was sick.

Grandparents: Want us bring you go see doctor later after tuition?
Me: Aiya no need lah later Dad bring me out.
Grandparents: Oh so he bringing you to doctor ah?
Tutor: Ah yah that's good.
Me: No he bringing me to eat desert.

HHHAHAHAHAAA.
Their faces was like -.-""""""
LOL.

P/s/s/s:
My temp is 37.9 wtf.

Update:
I'm feeling better now but not much :(

...

Had lunch w Kimmie, Ischelle and Jazlyn
And I used finish all of Ischelle's tissue paper :(
Had pepper lunch and suddenly remembered I have tuition today LOL.
Rushed back home.

Decided to make cookies cause I've been owing my tutor since forever.
And the class totally gobbled up everything me Kim, Kimmie and Laine made lolz.

...

Anyway few days back.
Went out w Kimmie, Yilu, Joey, Fa, Phoebe, Joelle, Xin Ying and Ju.

Got the rest of the pics from Kimmie alr.
Yay thanks babe :D

Lunch at Pizza Hut

Train ride to Marina Square

Citylink

Marina Square

...

Had IJ Fiesta last Friday!
I guess it was fun but not as extravagent as the previous year.

WHERE DID THE DUNKING MACHINE GO TO :(
And all the other wet wet wet games :(

But what I did like this year was the Bungee Run.

Bungee Run

Was doing duty for that game from 10am - 12pm.

Ok random a bit:
I asked my maid for milk tea and she gave me milk HAHAHA.

Anyway.
Sun was friggin' hot :(
Amanda was on duty w me and we had like 10 thousand cups of bundung LOLZ.

Fifth cup xzxzxzx

Called peeps to come to play,
Since it was still early and no one believed it was fun.

In the end, there was like super long queues and the time went from a limit of 4 mins, to 3 mins, to 2 mins, to just 5 gos and then ultimately only 4.
And everyone paid $4 HAHAHA.

Tell you, first to go is the best but no one wanted to go.
LOLZ.

Left the stand after Gracia and peeps came, then spent about $30 on food.
Serious glutton.
It was muthafucking hot so spent like $25 on drinks zz.

With the money that I did not spend on food,
I spent on spraying my hair LOL.
Cause Joelle and Farisya looked good.
Hahah.

And Ms Chua said I dyed my hair red
But I didn't!! :(
Sad.

Since canteen was crammed with 92873120973 elephants,
Gluttons decided to eat outside.
Hahaha.
Super sad, there were so many ants :(

Ate somemore,
Then helped Shermin with advertisement for her stall.

Cleaned up then went home at around 8.

...

Was talking to Kimmie last night.
My msn is still not working!!
Why?!!?
Used sis's lappy.
Her's works.
Wth :(

T says:
Don't worry. When you talk to me you get twice as much happiness
Hehehe

K says:
apparently not lor
-sians-

T says:
WALAO!
Bet you are secretly laughing your ass off behind your com screen
I can sense it
*tingles*

K says:
what is tingle

T says:
GOT WATCH SPONGEBOB?!
Spider sense tingling
HAHAHAH
LOL
Or is it spiderman
ERRRRRR.

K says:
LOL
er... ok -pretends i get it-

T says:
*snaps fingers and grins*

...

Got back results.
Not satisfied at all.
But I guess I sort of anticipated this?

With the little effort I've put in to studying,
I can't possibly have expected myself to get straight As, huh.

But am I right to put partial blame on external factors?
I don't know.
But I just can't stand some people
*pouts immaturely*

!

2009-05-22T20:39:00.000+08:00

Just picked out this video.
I think it's amazing just listen to it!!

!!!
I'm like listening to it on replay lah!

..

Just got back from IJ Fiesta :D
This year was not as fun as the previous but still fun nonetheless!

Ms Chua said my hair is red.
Like I dyed it.

But I just sprayed colour on it.
Poo :(

Now she wants to meet me after school.
:(

Anyway!
Pictures are w Kimmie.
She left me halfway damn it.

Will do a post on Fiesta once I get the pictures!

P/s: Vanessa is making recycled paper wtf is that cool or not.
P/s/s: It's purple (?!?!?!!)

:)!

2009-05-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

Arhzxzx!
I got my internet connection back YAY :)

*Runs around in triangles*

Anyway.

My Dad brought his IT tech over to try and fix the router but they said it was the system problem,
So the Singnet IT tech came over today to fix it yay :)

But he's a bloody toot.
He used the wire so now it's not wireless anymore wtf?! :(

Noob leh lol hahha joking. :)

Anyway since I've havn't updated in awhile I kinda forgot all I wanted to update lehz! :(

Anyway.

Exams are over omg :D
I bet you $109823479327 I'm gonna fail Math woo! :)

Found it really hard to concentrate this year with all the shit going on.

Anyway, few days before Geog paper went to study w Kimmie and Samantha.

But Kimmie started crying suddenly (the girl is mad) so me and Sam had to console her (we are great)
Then we ended up talking forever about everything under the sun.
And we went back to studying awhile ~~but then we got distracted again cause the study mood was gone~~.

Samantha went to play badminton w Janelle (sp?) but me and Kimmie continued studying for awhile more (cause we're good students) but then we got lured to play badminton w them as well dammit :(

It was freaking hot.
We payed basketball after that lol.
All of us were like going to suffer heat stroke manz.

Then we stopped before we fainted and me and Kimmie went back to try to study.

But we failed - again.

HAHAH.

Then we started taking pictures.

Omg I think I'm committing social suicide by posting this up but what the heck.

Bimbo pose 1

Bimbo pose 2

Lolz.
We're suppose to have 5 poses but we didn't take because she didn't let me eat finish my jelly and started taking pictures again.
Hahhha.

Then we got bored of taking pictures so we went out to take videos.
HAHAH.
Omg I don't want to post mine up but I have to or else I can't post K's :(

Bimbo

Emo

I'm not coming to school tomorrow kthxbai hahhah.

Anyway we're going to be in the same group for Drama exam yay!! :D

Btw.
We're using a green ball cause I was wearing all green stuff :0

Most unflattering angles ever but whatever.

HHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

....

Random:
Kimmie is @ my house now HAHAH.
And she's playing audition.
But she suck balls.

Anyway.
She and my neighbour, TianTian went to the same primary school.
And I don't know my neighbour.
For all the 7 years I've been here.
HAHAHA.
How lame am I.

And now they're both @ my house,
Damn cool.

I can't believe this so amazing hahah :)
It's like.
Connections.
Hahha.

Kimmie's coming over to my house next Monday to bake cookies woo!
Wanted to bake a cake but don't know why we didn't come to consensus on that.
And she hates apple crumble so we can't do that.
And I wanna make sheperd's pie!!

I wanna learn how to make brownies manz.

Anyway Sakina baked cookies for me today it was damn nice and I've been owing her, Narelle and a lot of other people cookies since after V day :(

My ambition is to be the next FamousAmos HAHAHAH.

...

Anywayz.
Few days ago.
Day on the last paper (Math:[ew) went out w Kimmie, Joey, Yi Lu, Joey, Xin Ying, Phoebe, Farisha and Juliana.

We didn't know where to go, so we flipped through Kimmie's Bus Travel Guide
Wtf right hahahha.
Then they all said the wanted to go Haw Par Villa.
Wtf again!
HAHA.

In the end went to pizza hut to eat first.
And the waitering people were totally ignoring us.
So everyone ask me to stand up and the manager came scrambling over HAHA.

Ordered,
Food came very slow.
So when the bill came,
We decided to change most of our notes to coins to thank them for their service.
HAHAH.

And we didn't go to Haw Par Villa.
Cause...
Too late already.
Lunch was like 2+ hours?!

Ju and Fa went to library so left the 7 of us (only LOL)
And we decided to go to Marina Square for bowling!

Walking to interchange w co.

In the middle of Citylink

Kimmie was like,
Come take a picture!! With the crowd behind!!
Lolz.

We went to the PrizeWagon whereby we each paid a dollar to try to get the toy in the machine.
Walao mine got kiaped twice but fell once the thongs hit the top.
Kns HAHA.

Then everyone tried the CandyLand thing I don't know never played before.
And we tried to cheat by pushing the machine so that the toys will fall in,
But the machine suddenly said:
"Please do not hit the machine"

WTF LOL.
Scary.
Then the person in charge chased us away because we were in school uniform.

So we had nothing to do,
Decided to watch a movie, Star Trek.
Omg it's damn nice yay :)

When we first went in it was like totally nobody.
So we played around.
Then.

Hurry go back! People come already.

HAHAHAHA.
It was damn cold and we didn't have jackets lor.

And while we were running about:

Joey fell down HAHAHA.

Right.
Other pictures.

We didn't even go bowling in the end!
Lol!

Anyway I tried Hokkaido ice cream for the first time that day.
It rocks I swear!
I'm gonna eat that from now on! :)

...

My msn has problems.
I can't sign in!
It keeps giving me the shit troubleshoot thing.

And my eBuddy has problems too wtf?
I can't see what people type to me! :(

Why?!

...

One day (I forgot which) went with family to eat @ Sakura.

Super bored waiting for them sooo.
Video!!

She's saying Chou Ji Bai w actions HAHAH.

Been obsessed with videos recently.
Hmm.

Anyway we went to the Arcade to play after that with Shan!
Omg I love Jubeat HAHAHA.

...

Meet my new girlfriend bitches.

Cheryl Poh! <3

Love you baby :)

HAHAHAHAHHA.
K whatever this is a joke she's not my girlfriend.
She wishes!

AHAHHA.

Rebecca owes me $10 for this btw :)

Lame asses HAHAH

School has been so fun recently.
I don't know what I'll do without my friends.
Thanks guys, really.
For everything.

...

Went to study with Kim a while ago.
All the way @ Hougang Point leh walao!
Hahaha.
Make me take the bus for 35 min stone there lehz!!

Went to Kim's house first.
Totally forget which was her unit so stood outside first,
Scared to press doorbell LOL.

Later wrong unit a bit paiseh.
So called to ask her to open her door.
In the end is the right one heng :)

Anyway.
Went to Macs to eat.
Then study.

Kim wanted to ask Jerome to come but he was celebrating Mother's Day w his Mum so in the end we just went before he came LOL.

By the way I just created a quiz on Facebook HAHAH.
(Just figured out how)
Go do! HAHA.
http://apps.facebook.com/quizdoyouknowme/take_quiz.jsp?q=5191346&key=LSLF

Okz.
Shit tired now.
:(
Gonna sleep.
IJ Fiesta tomorrow.
!!!!!

:(

2009-05-09T14:11:00.000+08:00

My internet connection has problems.
I hate linksys.
It won't switch on that's why I can't use internet @ home :(
That's why I'm leeching off Macs's wireless now.

Will update when I fix my router @ home.
Not that I know how.
Help? Anyone?

-.-

Shan!

2009-05-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

Today was ok I guess.

Spent the first half of the day brooding and stoning like whatever.

Then grandparents came &took me out.
Went to Parkway :)

Then went to Aunt's house.
Me and Shan went to play with my grandpa's laptop's something.

It's suppose to say:
"She sells seashells on the seashore on the seashore she sells seashells x5"

Hahha damn funny go listen!

Normal speed.

Super fast speed.

HAHAH.
Ok sorry we were suppose to change the language options to Chinese but it wouldn't work so we resorted to entertain ourselves with this! :D

Anyways.
After dinner Shan took me to walk around the place.
Then we saw this playground and he brought me to play with the seesaw!

Omg we laughed like mad and I kept bouncing off the seat cause he would suddenly make me drop :(

He's so bad.

But it was damn fun.
And my butt hurts :(

Anyway I am going to go out now bye :D

-.-

2009-05-02T14:14:00.000+08:00

Asshole: What u doing
Tessa: Blogging
Asshole: Wtf. Talk to me
Tessa: Wtf?

What is wrong with people these days.

2009-05-02T14:06:00.000+08:00

A recount

Rated: K+
Warning: Content below may contain explicit scenes.

Sabby

A moan escaped through her partially opened mouth as she continued to push the sharp blade of her penknife deeper into her. Her skin started to give way as she saw the lighter shade of fresh skin inside. Starting again from the same point, she retraced that line, pressing harder this time. It was not like how books often describe; the blood does not immediately gush out, staining the person and everything else, but instead, it comes at the end. She continued the same fluid motion over and over again, each time adding more pressure.

She suppressed the rising urge to cry as it pressed strongly against her. Biting her lip she stopped. Slowly, she removed the penknife off herself as she let the cut slowly work its way into her system. With a paroxysm of pain or relief, she’d never know, the blade landed on the nicely, marble tiled floor with a soft clank, and she cried.

She bawled and sobbed, letting her snot run, not caring to wipe away anything away. She clutched her arm tightly as it continued to throb angrily with agony, but other than that she did nothing. Her insides were empty, her mind drew a blank. Her heart knew no emotion, her eyes were unable to see anything. Heaving, her chest fluttered. In one fluid motion, she drew her uncut hand to her head. She dug her nails heavily into her scalp till it tore off, like little bits of snow.

“It hurts.”

But it wasn’t her head, or her hand that aggrieved. It was her heart. The emotional turmoil she had buried deep inside her was uncontainable. That deep cut had help to unlatch that lock, relieve some of that burden, but now it was back to square one, except that now it ached both on the inside and outside.

Glistening under the light in the toilet, the blood began to creep out from the dent in her skin. It made its way apathetically, dripping in whichever way it wanted to. Her eyelids fluttered as she tried desperately to open her eyes.

“I’m so tired.”

Summoning up all the little energy she had left, she pushed open those lead lids. At first all she saw was white, she thought she saw Heaven. Then her head throbbed again, agonized. Colour slowly began to sweep in from the corners, carefully draping bits of objects with life.

She used her right hand, the unhurt one, to switch on the tap. Cold water burst out and she immediately placed her left hand under its stream.

“It still hurts, so much.”

She quickly removed her hand and applied pressure on it with some toilet paper. Her body slumped more into the toilet seat as fatigue swamped over her. Little shots of adrenalin ran through her, sending shivers down her spine.

“I can’t take it anymore.”

All the memories of the jovial times she had had clouded her train of thought. It was all so perfect at that time of her life, but all it took was a few words to ruin it all, to rip apart her life. She crumbled that day, resembling bits and pieces of jigsaw. Her soul left her that day, leaving in its place a vast black hole.

“I don’t want to take it anymore.”

The ache and pain swelled within her, as if in a balloon that will never pop. The salty tears went from being beads to just forming a never ending stream. She stumbled at first, but then steadied herself as she climbed to the top of the toilet bowl, and reached to the side where she skillfully unlatched the window pane.

“You are my life.”

She felt her heart turn. He really was her life, and without him she could not survive. She lived off the unbreakable bond in which they shared, or so she thought it was till that day he had left her. He cares, she had thought but now she knew otherwise. Carefully, she sat herself upon the ledge.

“I love you.”

She murmured a quick little prayer, praying to God to send an angel to watch over you, to take her place, because even after she was gone, she still would have wanted you to be safe, to be happy. She cried finish whatever her reserved had left and wiped away the stains. The blood was still dripping from her wound, her body was still weak.

“Don’t leave me.”

With a deep breath and what little life she had left, she pushed herself off the ledge, and she fell.

The End

:)

2009-05-02T00:51:00.000+08:00

I ♥ Kim!

Thanks girlfriend,
Really appreciate everything.

2009-05-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

Does it make you happy to see me in pain?
Does it make you happy to keep breaking my heart?
Does it make you happy to walk away everytime?
Does it make you happy to drain me emotionally and physically?
Does it make you happy to see how I suffer without you?
Does it make you happy to keep rubbing in my face that I'm second best?
Does it make you happy to see that I'm crumbling?
Does it make you happy to see now that I'm useless?
Does it make you happy to keep telling me how good you are to her?
Does it make you happy to make me jealous?
Does it make you happy to keep making me the bad guy?

Does it make you happy to know now, you've broken my heart once again?

Does it?

2009-05-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

Commonwealth Essay

Competition

Question number: 4
Describe the sea or mountain or both

The Sea

Minute specs of dust tumbled on endlessly as they danced to the fickle licks of the warm, golden rays pouring in from the Heavens. A spectrum of colours plays on its surface – magenta, yellow, green, blue, red. The dust continues flowing, rubbing and bumping against each other as if to give encouragement and support. Soon something comes into sight. A bright neon slice jutting out of the icky, grimy, sand, seemingly out of place in this deep, dark oblivion. Many others soon join it, slowly but surely filling up the empty canvas with splashes and pockets of life and exuberance.

These plentiful shots of esprit soon take over the dirty gravel, adding texture and colour to the entire place. Lovely, deep red triangle-like formations continuously puncture the salty water enveloping it, like a tight blanket, but they are not alone. Eccentric blue cylinder-like formations are spotted randomly with dazzling yellow spheres as they collide imperceptibly with the messy green hair reaching out into nothing – just hoping to break free from the strangled brown strings and knots rooting them down, far away from their dreams that inch away day by day, dreams to be free.

A quick flash of warm orange wipes past the loose, light purple tentacles swaying ever so slightly, as if there were a soft breeze. It strikes again, this time we can see its full body – a sort of golden orange with a tinge of yellow, with majestic black lines plotted diagonally as if drawn on by a calligraphy brush with vivid and strong strokes. Yet another twinkle of colour rushes past in a blink of an eye, this one in contrast to the previous creature - a dull, boring grey with a hint of black. Seconds later, it jets out in a frenzy, and skilfully catches something in between its razor sharp teeth. The prey tries desperately to get out of the teeth’s strong grasp but fails hopelessly. It gives up as a final blur of green and blue embedded deeply in grey whizzes and thick red liquid languidly imbues the typically dark blue water. Lunch is settled for the deadly predators of this place – at least for one.

Closer to the surface of this alluring yet chancy unfathomable abyss, ladies clad in skimpy pastel coloured bikinis splash around as the men grab their polished surfboards and paddle tirelessly further and further out, away from civilisation. Younger children grab on desperately to their kaleidoscopic plastic floats, as they turn from a blazing yellow to a subtle orange then to a soft pink every time the Sun touches it. Screams, laughter, giggles and happiness drape densely over this place, encapsulating it tightly, as everyone indulged in blithe spirits.

No matter above or below ground, whenever you happen to be in this grandiose sanctuary, this abstruse place, it is constantly changing - you will never know what is going to happen next. Everything contributes to the change, no matter how small they are, let be it a spec of dust or a rough, hard, coral. This is what this place is about, all it’s mysteries included - this is the sea.

The End

D:

2009-05-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

The world I see is perfect now,
You're all around
With you I can breathe

Until you're mine, I have to find
A way to fill this hole inside

I can't survive without you here
By my side

Until you're mine, not gonna be
Even close to complete

Alone inside, I can only hear
Your voice
Ringing through the noise

Can't find my mind, keeps on
Coming back to you
Always back to you

Wanted something out of reach
It's killing me, you're all I see

I don't know everything,
But one thing's for sure,
I'm gonna wait.

Because I can't keep away from you,
It hurts whenever I'm not with you.

I try to replace the emotional hurt with the physical.
But that's only temporary.

You don't know,
How everytime I struggle not to let myself fall with pain,
Whenever you say,
You can't do this.

You don't know,
How I try not to show how these sharp pains are hurting me,
Whenever you say you want to break my heart.

You don't know,
How I've cried dry my tears,
Because just looking at you frown makes me cry.

You don't know,
How much my head really hurts,
Everytime you walk away.

You don't know,
How I've lost the will to live,
When you stopped loving me.

Irritating people are forcing me to post my stories so there.
FictionPress sucks because practically no one reads anything I post there lol.

Anyway.
People are asking me to post my Commonwealth Essay up now.
Should I?
I hate that essay.
Ah heck.

2009-05-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

Love In A Stave

Competition

Blogskins.com
Hosted by: eloquent

Theme: Love &Music
Format: Essay

Madisonne

My bare feet constantly brushed against the cold, hard cement floor. Sticky bodies bumped into mine from all directions and moans dominated the airwaves. I flung my arms everywhere, hoping to find something to sit on or at least a wall to lean against. But the only things that my arms came into contact with were bodies, filthy ragged bodies. I let out a weak sigh and felt my knees buckle under the sheer weight of my haggard self. I landed with a heavy thud on the dirty floor and pulled my skimpy, bedraggled clothes tighter around me, afraid that I’d die from all the shivering.

I slowly closed my eyes as exhaustion washed over me, slowly recalling what lead to my arrest.

I’ve had a little bit too much, much
All the people start to rush, start to rush by
How does he twist the dance?
Can’t find a drink, oh man

Loud, hypnotic beats pumped through the gigantic speakers of Club :Dance, sending numerous pulses through the dance floor. Disco lights flashed in all directions over the club, highlighting everything it touched. The bar was jam packed with drunkards, always ordering their “last” glass for the night. I fought my way through the crowd and made it to the glass counter top.

“Vodka and lime please, Tim,” I was a regular, and before I could even place my order, Timothy, the bartender was already stirring up my drink.

“Alone, Madisonne? Here you go,” Tim grinned as he gently laid my drink on the counter top.

“I’m never alone, Tim. You know that! The crowd follows me wherever I go,” I let a giggle escape from my mouth as I took my glass, slapped a ten dollar bill in its place and stalked off.

What’s going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can’t see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, a-alright

I slumped myself into my usual booth at the back end of the club and sipped my drink. As I set my glass back down, a lean figure slipped into the empty seat beside me.

“What will it be tonight, Maddy?” Desmond asked in a baritone voice.

“Hmm, how about some Ice? It’s been about a week since I’ve last had it,” I reached into my glittery handbag and fished out my wallet.

“Sure, Maddy. No problem. The usual number yeah,” Desmond mimicked my actions but produced five packets of Ice instead.

“Thanks, Des. You’re a lifesaver,” I pushed a few fifty dollar notes into his hands as I slipped out of the booth.

“Anything for you my dear, anything,” I glanced a smirk on his face in my peripheral vision as he too, slipped out of the booth stealthily.

I had to fight through another wall of bodies to make it to the ladies’ at the other end of the room. When I finally arrived at my destination, I wasted no time in finding an empty cubicle and locked myself in its tiny constraint. I groped my bag, desperately trying to find the precious packets of Ice. Something cold and soft came into contact with my fingers and I pulled it out. Transparent, crystal chunks stared back at me as I instantly felt awake. I emptied the whole packet into my mouth and felt my head go all light. I took the remaining four packets and stuffed them into a hidden pocket in my top. I stumbled out of the cubicle, out of the toilet and on to the dance floor.

Just dance, gonna be okay
Just dance, spin the record babe
Just dance, gonna be okay
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just, dance

Drugs may give me the high I need, but what took it to the next level was music. I lost my mind as I let the music flow through me, through every vein and organ. I flung myself in all directions and laughed out loud. I had no idea what I was doing, but I didn’t care.

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth
How’d I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright
Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say
And we’re all getting hosed tonight

I bumped my body into whose ever body was next to mine. I swung my head left and right, up and down. A few women shot me angry and irritated looks, but I took no notice. I was just concentrating on the music.

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it’s symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, electronic

The beat of the music got louder and louder, and slowly it started ringing too loudly in my ears. I instinctively covered my ears with my hands, but the throbbing seemed to be stuck in my head. The room started spinning around and around and my vision blurred ever so slightly. Suddenly, a piercing scream broke the party atmosphere.

“Everyone run! The police are here! Run! Run!!” I didn’t hear this, like I said, all I could hear was the music.

I released my ears and let my arms fall slack.

Just dance, gonna be okay
Just dance, spin the record babe
Just dance, gonna be okay
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just, dance

I had no idea what my body was doing, all I did was to listen to the music, let it control me. This was the main reason why I only get high in clubs – only they have loud and powerful enough music to satisfy my needs.

A pair of big, sturdy hands suddenly clasped on my shoulders, preventing me from letting my hair down. The whole world stopped for a heart beat – I saw people frozen in their respective positions, I couldn’t hear the music I was so addicted to, I couldn’t feel the drugs I love pulse through me, and I felt as if nothing was holding me down.

Then it all came crashing down. My head had that horrible feeling again, as if the music was ten times louder than it already was and all the sound was trapped in my skull. A horrible, vile liquid started climbing up my throat and the room starting spinning awfully fast. My shoulders were aching too from all the weight those hands were putting on my frail frame.

Metal handcuffs bit into my wrists as the hands that were on my shoulder swept both my hands behind my back in one fluid movement.

“Follow me, Miss. And don’t you dare try anything funny, you’ll never get away with it,” A gruff voice breathed into my ear.

Before I had time to respond, I was being dragged unwillingly on my heels through the club to the main entrance. I wanted to fight back, talk back, do anything, but I simply did not have any energy left. I felt so hopeless, so small and useless. I began to weep – big, fat, salty tears streamed endlessly down my cheeks. Before I knew it, I was thrown hastily into the back of a police van.

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it’s symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, electronic

The city passed me in a blur of sound and lights. I was thrown around the van as it went over uneven road and blue blacks were beginning to form. Slowly the throbbing went away as the Ice lost its effect, but I felt worse. I wanted more, I needed more Ice.

The van screeched to a halt and the doors flung open. Another pair of burly hands that seized me was the brusque welcome I received at the station. Once again, I was dragged through the automatic glass sliding doors of the station and into an interrogation room.

I was pushed into a plastic chair in front of an oak table while someone else shoved a table light in my face and switched it on.

“Ouch! What the hell! Switch it off,” I turned my head away swiftly and made a “tsk” sound.

“You better not complain, Miss Madisonne. You’re in a hell of a lot trouble. Tell me, what were you doing at the club just now?” Officer Andy, according to his nametag, bore at me with sharp gleaming eyes.

“What else can I do? Having a nice drink and dancing to the greatest music ever,” I smirked at him and enjoyed immensely watching his face turn a deeper shade of red with every passing second.

“Could you then explain why you were seen buying drugs from a particular Desmond at 2200 hours?” It was his turn to have the upper hand.

“You must be mistaken, officer, I wouldn’t do such a thing,” I tried my very best to pull off the most convincing puppy eyes.

“So you’re saying that you have an identical twin eh, Miss Madisonne?” He slipped several shots of Desmond and I having the exchange, and several close ups of me.

Before I could say “I am screwed”, Officer Andy ordered one of his men to escort me to the washroom.

“Take this and be quick,” He removed my handcuffs and jabbed a small transparent plastic container into my hands.

“Oh my god,” I thought to myself, I’d never clear the urine test. I reluctantly stumbled into the toilet and made my way to the nearest cubicle.

Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle
I got it, just stay close enough to get it
Don’t slow! Drive it, clean it, lights out, bleed it
Spend the latso

The second I stepped out of the washroom, I was once again handcuffed by deft hands and the container was rudely snatched from me. As usual, I was pulled across the floor towards the end of a narrow corridor of which stood several metal bars parallel to each other. The guy took off my handcuffs and thrust me into the cell.

“Enjoy,” He gave an evil laugh before slamming the wrought iron gates in my face.

I turned around and that’s how I got myself here. My buttock was starting to ache from sitting on the adamantine floor and I was shaking uncontrollably. I’d never survive in jail, I can’t and I won’t. I’d simply die without drugs and music. That’s when it hit me. I will die eventually. It was just a matter of where and when. I smiled to myself as I realized all my previous worrying was for nothing.

I clumsily tried to find the hidden pocket in my top. When I finally did after what seemed like an eternity, I found the packets of Ice I stored away. I emptied and swallowed the contents of all four bags at breakneck speed, then took a final glance at the apathetic people surrounding me.

I closed my eyes as I removed burden by burden from my mind and body. Slowly but surely, I felt lighter, happier and most important of all, free.

“I’ll have no regrets for falling in love with drugs and music, no regret at all,” I told myself as I drew a final breath and collapsed on the floor.

The End

Acknowledgements:
Song used: Just Dance – Lady Gaga
Lyrics used: http://www.metrolyrics.com/just-dance-lyrics-lady-gaga.html

2009-04-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

I can't take it,
Whenever you walk away.

:(

2009-04-28T22:32:00.001+08:00

Ahhh, English paper is tomorrow.
Everything got delayed one hour because of temperature taking.

I havn't done anything about English actually,
To say the truth.

Didn't memorise any formats shit.

Gonna do that tomorrow.

I'm so tired today.

Had math tuition followed immediately by chinese.
Seriously.
I totally couldn't make it.

I was like.
Can you let me sleep for 5 mins.
Then ended up sleeping for 10.

Omg I'm like so totally going to fail,
Hahha.

Anyway thanks to my babes Kim and Kimmie.
Lol.
For cheering me up today.
I heart you suckerzxzx :D

I didn't know,
Putting on a strong front was this hard,

It's only been 4 days without you,
But it seems like years.

Meine Liebe ist weg
Meine Liebe ist verletzt
Meine Liebe hat mir vergessen

Submission.

2009-04-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

The Writing Competition

Blogskins.com
Hosted by: flexibility.

Theme: Friendship
Section: 2, Essay

Abigail

The pale tips of my fingers trembled uncontrollably as I carefully maneuvered them across the uneven surface that was a cold, grey slab of marble. I lightly traced the delicate swirls of light that had been caught in time, sealed away forever in stone – just like you. Little dents were artistically chipped with utmost precision to spell out your name, A-B-I-G-A-I-L, and below it, ‘beloved daughter, treasured friend to all’. My nose started to burn again and my vision blurred. But no tears could flow, because ghosts cannot cry. Still, I could feel and experience emotions like how all humans do and I knew the reason why you were not here anymore, why you had to share the same fate as me. The reason – was me.

...

All noises were abruptly hushed, all faces swung hastily towards the door. Quick-paced, shallow breaths filled the room, but other than that, no other sound was heard. This was so typical. It happened wherever you went, whenever people saw you. You were so pulchritudinous that people could not help but to be mesmerized.

You had those deep hazel curls that streamed down your back as if endlessly, petite features that gave you that innocent look, eyes that were so dark it kept people drowning in their mystique. As you sauntered in gracefully, men dropped the soft hands of the girlfriends and wives, negligently, to cover the rising heat that was starting to stain the pale canvases of their skin a luscious red. Ladies pouted and whimpered, trying desperately to get back lost attention, though some stared opening, awe-struck.

You donned your favourite tee, the one I had given to you for your sixteenth birthday, and a pair of coral blue denim jeans. It complimented your hourglass figure perfectly. Countless pairs of eyes strayed to the generous slit that went down your chest in a ‘V’ shape, desperately trying to mentally devour your voluptuous assets. Others groped around the lower region, admiring your flowing, slim legs that, although you could not see it now, were painstakingly toned and bronzed.

When you reached me, you clasped a delicate hand round my back and pulled me into a tight embrace, your perfectly manicured nails digging deeper into me, your head snuggling in the crook of my neck. A soft squeak was heard from you, and that was when I noticed your flushed, tear-stained cheeks, your red-rimmed eyes.

“What’s wrong, Abi?”
“Nothing, Pam. I just, I just. I miss you, that’s all.”

I trusted you. You were probably just frightened from the fight through that forest of peering eyes, like you always were. I left that thought at the back of my head and beamed you an assuring smile. Giggling, you stopped the whole room again, eyes and ears both fixated solely on you. Grabbing my hand almost forcefully, you swiftly maneuvered us into the French restaurant – our favourite. We stumbled in and caught our breaths, thankful again that we had – or rather you had, managed to escape yet another visual murder.

You ordered the usual, and I ordered mine. You were awfully quiet that day, I should have noticed – but I did not. Words spewed out of my mouth ignorantly like a waterfall, while you sat there, as still and as beautiful as a Madonna, constantly sighing and running your slender fingers in your hair till it looked almost like hay. Your foie gras was getting cold as it sat untouched on your plate, not counting the random places where you scarred it with your knife.

With a resounding clank, your knife landed on the fine china. I slurred on my words as I stopped mid-way in the one-sided conversation. You reached inside your Gucci designer handbag and groped about for your wallet, twisting your mouth into a conjecture. Yawning, you found it, pursed it open, fished out a handful of fifty dollar bills, and slapped it nonchalantly on the table.

“Let’s go, Pam.”

I was, as dumb as it sounds, glued to my seat. Yes, I knew you were filthy rich, but a hundred dollar tip on top of the three hundred dollar lunch? I stared openly as you sashayed out, and suddenly realized how hollow you looked. Skin hung on your bones for dear life as if, if you lost an ounce more of weight, your skin would tear apart and you would spill all over the pavement. The luscious curls that once bounced off your back so enthusiastically now grew limp and seemed to have lost its shine, despite the obvious expensive preen. You threw a casual glance back, as if checking to see if I had moved. Your eyes - your pupils were so diluted and black, as if you had closed the doors to your soul. I blinked, as if hoping to find you back where you were, the same as before, but I was greeted by the same deprived husk.

“Let’s go, Pam. Now.”

More heads turned as they got enchanted by your sing-song voice. But I would not be deceived. Hurt and sorrow etched into those words, as if you had spit them all out with acid. The clicks of your stilettos against the pavement got fainter and fainter with every passing second that I was seated. As your best friend, I definitely knew something was wrong, very wrong, indeed, but I just did not want to get up. Heads cocked over to glance at me now, as if questioning, how could I have resisted such a Goddess?

…

A few days ago, you stormed into my house, unannounced. You plopped yourself on my leather sofa and the floodgates just opened. I bent down beside you, hugging you, keeping you safe with me, under my wing. I had let you cry your heart out, providing four-ply tissues, your preference, at regular intervals. The sofa squeaked and moaned under the sheer weight of you as you cried, shaking like a leaf in a storm.

“Hey, Abi, what’s wrong.”

Your chest stopped heaving up and down so drastically and the huge sobs toned down to whimpering.

“It’s Mic, he’s a bastard. He cheated on me. He’d rather that bitch, whoever she is, than me. He’s called off our engagement party. He called off our relationship.”

The waterworks started again, and this time I said nothing. I did not hold you, I did not console you. Because I knew, I was that bitch – and a very bad one at that. As mentioned time and time again, people could not help but irrevocably fall in love with you, but I just had to. I had to tear through the remarkably thick bond you two shared, shred it away painstakingly, layer by layer, desperately, using any underhand means I could get my hands on. All this because I was jealous, jealous of you.

“Oh Pam, I don’t want to live anymore. He was my life. He is my life!”

...

The sound of screeching tires pulled me back to the moment. I was still in the restaurant, but this time, I jolted straight up, almost knocking my chair over in the process. I tore past the annoyed glares, the inquisitive glances. My hair slapped my face continuously and tears streamed down uncontrollably as my legs twisted and knotted themselves together, not used to the breakneck speed at which I was sprinting at.

I stopped in my tracks, almost knocking myself over with that sudden action. Putrid smells of salt and rust filled the air and flared up my nostrils – without doubt, blood. Dark, billowing clouds of greenhouse gases clouded my view, ear-piercing sounds and pungent smells of burning rubber was witnessed. I waited impatiently for the thick layers of clouds to peel away, and that was when my heart leaped out of my body.

Scraped metal and shards of pristine glass were spewed all across the cross junction, punctured tires were heaving under the sheer heat of the raging fire that had just sparked. People, if you could still call them that, were broken and twisted, hanging over each other as if in a game of grotesque Twister.

I lunged toward the scene. I knew you were there, I just knew. I slapped myself on my forehead. How could I have been so ignorant? First, I betray you in the most inhumane way possible, and now I ignore the signs and clues you were so opening dropping at my feet? I did not deserve to be your best friend, much less your friend.

Shots of concern hurtled at me as my hand clasped tightly over my mouth, and all colour drained from my face. There you were, squashed in the middle between someone else and a side door from a Jeep. Your curls were flat and dead, dyed red from your blood that was profusely gushing out from that large gash embedded in your forehead. Your eyes were closed, your face smudged with dirt. Torn and begrimed, your clothes were a gone case. In the background, wails of ambulance and police sirens resounded but they could not help you. Your legs were twisted beneath you in weird angles, your stomach had another gash to compliment the gigantic one on your forehead, and your face was as pale as a sheet. Pain seemed to envelope you in a tightening blanket, not determined to let you go as it continued to suck the little life out of what was left of you.

I buckled to my knees, because I had just killed you.

Tears swamped my eyes as I threw my arms around me, as if trying to keep myself from breaking apart. The coarse gravel bit into my knees as I stayed cemented to the road, right in front of you. My mind drew a blank as I regurgitated my thoughts over and over. ‘I had just killed you. I had just killed you, Abigail Cladston, my best friend since we were five.’ The neckline of my shirt was wet now, be it with sweat or tears, it did not matter anyway. My khaki pants were stained dark red with blood at the knees as I pressed down even harder into the stones, as if I could pave a hole or tunnel in which I could crawl into and forget all of this, in which I could turn back time.

“Get away, Miss!”
“Move it! Move away, mad woman!”
“Please, miss, there’s a car coming!”

My chest heaved unevenly as I started hyperventilating and my heart palpitated. ‘What have I done? What kind of a friend am I? What do I really think of friendship?’ My throat hurt as if I was grinding sandpaper on it and I really wanted to dig my eyeballs out now. I slammed my hands on the road, almost hitting you in the process. Slowly, unsteadily, I tried to get up, only to get hit by an oncoming Subaru sports car.

…

My eyelids pressed down as if they were made of lead. I don’t want to wake up. I was so tired. My muscles seemed to have liquefied, because no matter how much effort I put in, I just could not lift anything, not even my little finger.

Doctors and nurses swamped in from all directions, all walking briskly, albeit quietly. Orders were shot and bounced off the room, sending the swift nurses into a hunting frenzy.

“Quick, I need blood. She’s losing blood fast. At this rate, she’s going to die.”
“But it’s too late. Her brain’s already dead, or close. If we don’t put her on life support, she really will be. Brain- dead that is.”
“Ok, let’s just put her on life support till her condition stabilizes.”

The buzzing stopped, everyone slowed down their pace. The sickly, green curtains were pulled back, and people bowed their heads.

I could not feel anything, still. But this time, it felt worse. I felt as if my insides have been turned inside-out, as if someone had stuck a large tube into my head. It was pounding, pounding so hard. And my heart, even though no one knew, it was bleeding.

…

“Pamela, can you hear me?”
“Y..yes..”
“I’m Doctor Sig. How are you feeling now?”
“It hurts. It hurts so much, Doctor.”
“Ah yes, well I’ve already prescribed the painkillers and I presume they will be fed to you in a while. In the meantime, I just want you to get some rest. And whatever you do, don’t touch the machine ok? You’re still not strong enough to get off it.”

I had been in a car accident, just like you. Except that you were in one, because of me. Every single painful memory came flooding back, rushing like mad to me. The saucy nights with Mic; the chain lying; the acting; the putting on a mask everyday. I could not stand it anymore. Everything weighed down heavily and forcefully on my conscience, threatening to break the bare thread of it.

Summoning up the little energy I had left, I reached across the vast distance from my bed to the life-support machine. My fingers swiped the air a few times before I successfully clinched the wire. ‘What have I done? What kind of a friend am I? What do I really think of friendship?’ Everything repeated in my head, as if it was on replay. What do I really think of friendship? Of our friendship? Well, I thought that it deserved another shot, to be saved from the scraps. Because I had loved you Abigail, and I still do. You were my best friend since we were both five. A bond like that can never be broken. A bond like that can never be lost. And now I have to make it up to you, because I am your best friend. I would do whatever it takes to atone for all the shit I did to you, all those damnable deeds.

And so, with a final deep breath, I tugged the wire. Then everything was gone, and I saw you, smiling back at me.

The End

2009-04-28T19:06:00.000+08:00

My state of mind has finally
Got the best of me

I need you next to me

I'll try to find a way that I
Can get to you

Just wanna get to you

-.-

2009-04-26T23:19:00.000+08:00

Please stop it.
Stop snatching happiness from me.

You make me so happy,
You really do.

Don't go.
But if you're going.
Then I don't want to stay either.

I love you,
Bye.

.

2009-04-26T22:11:00.000+08:00

Don't Forget.

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget, did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget we were feeling inside?

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again, please don't forget, don't forget

We had it all, we were just about to fall
Even more in love, than we were before
I won't forget, I won't forget about us

And at last all the pictures have been burned
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget, please don't forget us

Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song but you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us
Don't forget

It's fate.

>:/

2009-04-26T10:01:00.000+08:00

There's so much crap going on,
It's so hard to resist,
To end it all.

Essay

2009-04-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

Decided to participate in another writing competition.
Don't know why I bother.

Hosted by: flexibility.
Theme: Friendship
Section: 2, Essay.

Just Draft 1 first.
Read if you want.

Abigail

The pale tips of my fingers trembled uncontrollably as I carefully maneuvered them across the uneven surface that was a cold, grey slab of marble. I lightly traced the delicate swirls of light that had been caught in time, sealed away forever in stone – just like you. Little dents were artistically chipped with utmost precision to spell out your name, A-B-I-G-A-I-L, and below it, ‘beloved daughter, treasured friend to all’. My nose started to burn again and my vision blurred. Crystals of tears began trickling down the pink of my cheeks, because I knew the reason why you were not here anymore. The reason – was me.

All noises were abruptly hushed, all faces swung hastily towards the door. Quick-paced, shallow breaths filled the room, but other than that, no other sound was heard. This was so typical. It happens wherever you go, whenever people see you. You were so pulchritudinous that people could not help but to be mesmerized.

You had those deep hazel curls that streamed down your back as if endlessly, petite features that gave you that innocent look, eyes that were so dark it kept people staring, hoping to pry open the secrets you bury deep in them. As you sauntered in gracefully, men dropped the soft hands of the girlfriends and wives, negligently, to cover the rising heat that was starting to stain the pale canvases of their skin a luscious red. Ladies pouted and whimpered, trying desperately to get back lost attention, though some stared opening, awe-struck.

You donned your favourite tee, the one I had given to you for your sixteenth birthday, and a pair of coral blue denim jeans. It complimented your hourglass figure perfectly. Countless pairs of eyes strayed to the generous slit that went down your chest in a ‘V’ shape, desperately trying to mentally devour your voluptuous assets. Others groped around the lower region, admiring your flowing, slim legs that, although you could not see it now, were painstakingly toned and bronzed.

When you reached me, you clasped a delicate hand round my back and pulled me into a tight embrace, your perfectly manicured nails digging deeper into me, your head snuggling in the crook of my neck. A soft squeak was heard from you, and that was when I noticed your flushed, tear-stained cheeks, your red-rimmed eyes.

“What’s wrong, Abi?”
“Nothing, Pam. I just, I just. I miss you, that’s all.”

I trusted you. You were probably just frightened from the fight through that forest of peering eyes, like you always were. I left that thought at the back of my head and beamed you an assuring smile. Giggling, you stopped the whole room again, eyes and ears both fixated solely on you. Grabbing my hand almost forcefully, you swiftly maneuvered us into the French restaurant – our favourite. We stumbled in and caught our breaths, thankful again that we had – or rather you had, managed to escape yet another visual murder.

You ordered the usual, and I ordered mine. You were awfully quiet that day, I should have noticed – but I did not. Words spewed out of my mouth ignorantly like a waterfall, while you sat there, as still and as beautiful as a Madonna, constantly sighing and running your slender fingers in your hair till it looked almost like hay. Your foie gras was getting cold as it sat untouched on your plate, not counting the random places where you scarred it with your knife.

With a resounding clank, your knife landed on the fine china. I slurred on my words as I stopped mid-way in the one-sided conversation. You reached inside your Gucci designer handbag and groped about for your wallet, twisting your mouth into a conjecture. Yawning, you found it, pursed it open, fished out a handful of fifty dollar bills, and slapped it nonchalantly on the table.

“Let’s go, Pam.”

I was, as dumb as it sounds, glued to my seat. Yes, I knew you were filthy rich, but a hundred dollar tip on top of the three hundred dollar lunch? I stared openly as you sashayed out, and suddenly realized how hollow you looked. Skin hung on your bones for dear life as if, if you lost an ounce more of weight, your skin would tear apart and you would spill all over the pavement. You threw a casual glance back, as if checking to see if I had moved. Your eyes - your pupils were so diluted and black, as if you had closed the doors to your soul. I blinked, as if hoping to find you back where you were, the same as before, but I was greeted by the same deprived husk.

“Let’s go, Pam. Now.”

More heads turned as they got enchanted by your sing-song voice. But I would not be deceived. Hurt and sorrow etched into those words, as if you had spit them all out with acid. The clicks of your stilettos against the pavement got fainter and fainter with every passing second that I was seated. As your best friend, I definitely knew something was wrong, very wrong, indeed, but I just did not want to get up. Heads cocked over to glance at me now, as if questioning, how could I have resisted such a Goddess?

…

A few days ago, you stormed into my house, unannounced. You plopped yourself on my leather sofa and the floodgates just opened. I bent down beside you, hugging you, keeping you safe with me. I had let you cry your heart out, providing four-ply tissues, your preference, at regular intervals. The sofa squeaked and moaned under the sheer weight of you as you cried, shaking like a leaf in a storm.

“Hey, Abi, what’s wrong.”

Your chest stopped heaving up and down so drastically and the huge sobs down toned to whimpering.

“It’s Mic, he’s a bastard. He cheated on me. He’d rather that bitch, whoever she is, than me. He’s called off our engagement party. He called off our relationship.”

The waterworks started again, and this time I said nothing. I did not hold you, I did not console you. Because I knew, I was that bitch.

“Oh Pam, I don’t want to live anymore. He was my life. He is my life!”

...

The sound of screeching tires pulled me back to the moment. I was still in the restaurant, but this time, I jolted straight up, almost knocking my chair over in the process. I tore past the annoyed glares, the inquisitive glances. My hair slapped my face continuously and tears streamed down uncontrollably as my legs twisted and knotted themselves together, not used to the breakneck speed at which I was sprinting at.

I stopped in my tracks, almost knocking myself over with that sudden action. Putrid smells of salt and rust filled the air and flared up my nostrils – without doubt, blood. Dark, billowing clouds of greenhouse gases clouded my view, ear-piercing sounds and pungent smells of burning rubber was witnessed. I waited impatiently for the thick layers of clouds to peel away, and that was when my heart leaped out of my body.

Scraped metal and shards of pristine glass were spewed all across the cross junction, punctured tires were heaving under the sheer heat of the raging fire that had just sparked. People, if you could still call them that, were broken and twisted, hanging over each other as if in a game of grotesque Twister.

I lunged toward the scene. I knew you were there, I just knew. I slapped myself on my forehead. How could I have been so ignorant? First, I betray you in the most inhumane way possible, and now I ignore the signs and clues you were so opening dropping at my feet? I did not deserve to be your best friend, much less your friend.

Shots of concern hurtled at me as my hand clasped tightly over my mouth, and all colour drained from my face. There you were, squashed in the middle between someone else and a side door from a Jeep. Your curls were flat and dead, dyed red from your blood that was profusely gushing out from that large gash embedded in your forehead. Your eyes were closed, your face smudged with dirt. Torn and begrimed, your clothes were a gone case. In the background, wails of ambulance and police sirens resounded but they could not help you. Your legs were twisted beneath you in weird angles, your stomach had another gash to compliment the gigantic one on your forehead, and your face was as pale as a sheet. Pain seemed to envelope you in a tightening blanket, not determined to let you go as it continued to suck the little life out of what was left of you.

I buckled to my knees, because I had just killed you.

>;(

2009-04-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna kill myself.

Exams are coming.
Stressed like fuck because I havn't revised finish yet.
And English paper is in like 5 days.

I don't want to study anymore.
I don't want to do anything anymore.

Why do you keep doing this to me?

You keep coming,
Blow after blow.
I've barely stood up and now you knock me down again.

I'm drained emotionally and physically.
You can't ask me to carry on with life.
I can't do it.
I have no strength left.

You can't ask me to forget you.
Cause you are me.

Does all the time we spent together mean nothing,
Again?

I guess it really does.

I'm going to sleep now and hopefully when I wake up all of this is going to be just a nightmare.
Or else I don't think I ever want to wake up.

...

Can't sleep.
Thank God it's Friday.

I know it's not your fault.
I really shouldn't be blaming you.

But now that you're gone,
Again,
What am I suppose to do.

Why do you keep shoving me into dead ends,
And leave me there all alone?

It's only been 52 minutes but I really really can't take it anymore.
I want to hear your voice,
I need to see you again.

I almost called 14 times,
I almost smsed 26 times,
But I guess I can't cause everytime I end up in tears again.

Omg I'm such an emotional wreck I think I'm scaring myself.
I just fell down again cause I couldn't see where I was walking.
Had one of those fuzzy moments when you stand up too fast.

I think I sprained my ankle.
Hurts like fuck.
-.-

I wanna be strong but I don't see how I can.

I just want to know why.
Why me,
Again.

Will it never change?

Since forever,
It's always been me.
Always.

I guess it won't never change.

But I'll wait.

/:(

2009-04-23T21:40:00.000+08:00

Have been super tired this past week ;(
Sleeping super late cause I've been talking on the phone like every night I guess.

Omg exams are super near but I don't feel like studying.
All my motivation is gone manxx.

Anyway I've stopped using my crutches omg they kill my armpits.
Went for an X-Ray today @ KK.
And now I've got this big ugly air cast >;(
At least I don't need crutches thank God.

Hehe I got mc for 2 months for no PE and CCA :)
I can feel my 2.4 is going to be damn bad after this lol.

Anyway Sakina and I agree that we run faster for 2.4 during PE than @ training :0
I ran like 11.36 during PE yay but during training my fastest is only 11.57 ;(
I think I always get scared when I see Coach lol.

Anyway went for U' 14 trials on Sat with Sheryl, Lyn and Shok Teng.
Played three games.
Fell during the first and I heard a crack so I knew I sprained my ankle.
But continued playing the two games that's why the physician said I dislocated my ankle :(

Sheryl and I got in second round so we went down to Kallang on Mon.
They didn't let me play so yeh didn't make it ;0

Anyway made friends while I was slacking there hahha.

Couldn't sleep last night.
Think I was PMSing I was damn pissed then remourseful then hateful wth.
Anyway ran out to J8 @ 9.30 hoping to catch the stores before they closed.
Managed to get there in time to buy something for B :)

Happy Birthday, Twinny!

:)

2009-04-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

School Nationals

Channel 5

Wednesdays

7.30pm

Every body must watch next week ok,
IJ Netties are on :D

Congratxx Seniors for getting first for Nationals!!

:D

Anyway I'm super tired now.
I freaking dislocated my ankle and pulled my ligaments during trials yesterday.
Lol.

Don't know I'm going to do tomorrow for second round lol.

On the bright side I'm taking cab to school for a week or till I'm better.
Yay lol :)

Remember to watch!!

-

2009-04-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

I roll around in bed cause I can't sleep.
I'm missing something,
And I realise it's you.

...

2009-04-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

Why did you say

I love you

If you knew that

It wouldn't last?

Netball BBQ :)

2009-04-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

Ok this post is way overdue :(

I kinda let all the pictures rot in my phone.
Because I always send pics from my phone to my lappy via bluetooth.

But my phone kinda sucks >:(
It can't select all photos and send all at once.
Must send 1 by 1 and I have a 100 over pics so I was like wth forget it.

But since today is Good Friday and I just had tuition I decided to go find my cable (is that what you call it) to connect my phone to my lappy.

Then I just imported all my pics over.
Yay me :)

But it imported to Windows Photo Gallery wth.
And I can't upload pics here from there :(
So I manually dragged every pic to the bluetooth exchange folder.

Hah I am such an idiot.
Anyway I learnt to sync pics with my iTouch too.
LOL.

Yay me :)

-.-

........

Before the post!!
Birthdays! :)

11 April
Denise Lim

12 April
Justina

13 April
Ezekiel
Sakina
Xin Hui

14 April
Dewi
Amanda Chew

15 April
Daryl
Sheryl

16 April
Nadia

18 April
Brittany

19 April
Gracine baby

22 April
Glenys

Happy birthday peeps :D

......

Ok anyway.
A few days, weeks, years back,
Netballers had a BBQ :)
Sort of to highten our moods?

Because Coach isn't very encouraging and we were kinda demoralised from all the matches and her continues scolding >:(

Went to PS first to buy ingrediants.
Suppose to meet @ 4.30,
But I came @ 4 hahah.

I'm such an idiot manx.

Anyway.
Wondered and bought fried Mars balls.
Eh it's actually quite good leh :)
I like it :)

Waited till 5 for people to come -.-
Lol was super bored walking around nowhere >:(

Anyways Kim came and dragged me out to wait with her for Pet who came super late >;(

Then we all MRTed to Braddell to walk to Van's house :)

Sheryl the Stick and Danielle :)

Hahha.

Thank you Sheryl for always teaching me how to defend properly in the semi circle :)
Though I'm super slow ):
Hahaha.

And please eat more so you can be a stronger GK!
:D
Though you're a wonderful one already.

And thank you Danielle for always being lame and cheering me up.
And letting me steal your food/drink whatever.
:D

Your bangs are kwel but my fringe is kweler :)

Good luck for your musical today!

Cezanne!

Thanks for always picking balls for me,
Hahha.
And stop kicking them you're not pro >:(
Lol.

Thanks for always taking stats for us during our games,
And getting scolded by Coach.
You're a hero :)

Sheryl and Fang Ying!

Fang Ying,
Thanks for being such an amazing captain,
Though you suck when you're off duty >:(
Hahaha Joking :)

Stop worrying about your 2.4 ok.
You're an awsome Center don't let Coach tell you otherwise :D

Callista!

Hello used-to-be partner.
Hahha,
You rock at catching balls man lol.
People anyhow throw you also can turn and catch,
Like dancing like that leh haha.

Anyway please throw your lob properly >:(
Lol.

Time your runs and stop running 2.4 so fast already.
You're still Sec 1 leh very paiseh to lose to you lol.

Hahha, anyway.
You're a great WA,
Better play well next year and get back the Champion for C Div ok! :)

Kim!

Hey there bitch :)

Please control your temper and your bladder.
Hahaha!
Stop going to the toilet!
Lol.

Anyway you play superly well when you're focused,
No fanciful stuff (Hahaha)

Concentrate on your shots GA :)

Shermin &Lyn.

Shermin stop running so fast for 2.4 also ok :(
Try to beat you also hard lol.

Anyway,
You're very fast so just go all out to chase your player ok.
And don't get affected when Coach says you're slow because that's a lie.
Hahha.

But you're a great WD all the same :)
Love you pokemon buddy :D

Lynnnn!
Omg omg omg hahaha got nothing to say about you.

Ok ok you're a great defender stop falling down during matches!
Please take care of yourself hor,
Always injured till so serious :(

Work hard to communicate better with Sheryl in the semi circle!

Then you can be the proest GD, hahhaa.
(Not that you're not very pro already.)

Shok Teng!

Please concentrate on your shots!! >:(
Miss one shot run three rounds!!
Hahaha.

Anyway you're a great GS luh,
Just stay focused on your shots!! >:(
Lol.

Kim &Pet.

Qi Zhi, Kim, Pet.

Qi Zhi stop running so fast also lah >:(
Hahaha.

Kah Hui, Sheryl &Shi Pei :)

Jacky &Kim,

Kim, Aly, Danielle!

Pet &Vanessa.

Kah Hui caught two mosquitos that night!
Omg she's our hero hahah :)

Anyway,
I was doing the fire the whole night >:(
Diandra and Cezanne was cooking :)

So now I have permanantly enlarged pores!!
LOL.

Anyway was suppose to be home by 10 but then I lost track of time doing the fire :(
So called mum to come and fetch me home in the end,
Hahah.

BBQ was fun overall,
Ate potato slices and hamburgers haha.

Ran out of drinks halfway lol cause we only bought four bottles -.-

But it was a fruitful outing :)
We should do it again.

Anyway,
Good luck to the Seniors,
Final lap,
Then we're done with Nationals.

Go seniors! :)

.....

Ok I've been quite pissed with strangers lately.
Especially grown up strangers.

It's like they're 5 years old or something.

They have absolutely no manners man.

Two aunties (sorry wanna be mean) and two guys were waiting for the lift with me.
So the lift comes,
And being the angel that I am (HAHAH) I let them all go in first.

No one bothers to ask what floor I might be going to,
So I reach across the vast space (fine, exaggerated) to press the '8' button.

So one aunty goes off at the fifth floor,
And the other aunty and two uncles are left.

We reach the eigth floor,
I let them go out first as my mummy says to do so.

So they all go out and no one bothers to open the door for me so when I want to go out the door closes in my face >:(

No one bothers to open it for me from the outside so I need to press the open button and go out myself.

Omg what the fuck.

The other time I was at harbourfront MRT station.
I was coming out of the train.

People who were boarding are suppose to let us go out first right?
But there was his haggard looking (ok fine again exaggerated) aunty that was standing right smack in the middle waiting to come in the minute the doors open.

So I was going to go out,
But there she is charging in.

I got so pissed I just pushed her.

So she stumbled and made this 'tsk' sound.

But I was like what the hell you're suppose to stand behind the yellow marking and wait for the commuters to come out first before you go in what so you get pushed also is your fault because you insist on going agaisnt the human traffic.

Right?

Mummy told me I was wrong to push an old lady but what the heck.
I can't stand this kind of people -.-

Lol.

At least I pushed one side of her body only :(
And she didn't fall.
Hah.

Anyway I think the Government should start making a 'Teach Your Kids Manners' campaign or something and stop wasting time on the Chinese one HAHAH.

But the adverts for the Chinese one is good.
The kids are so cute but I'm so embarrassed LOL.

......

Btw I cut my hair :)
I won't post a picture because I shyxx.

LOL.

Thanks to everyone who says I look like Cleo Patra :(

Ms Champion says that I need to go for another haircut because she thinks this is not acceptable,
But I just spent $70 on this haircut I'm not going to cut it again after one day >:(

Waste money.
Lol.

Edit
Since people are pestering me to post pictures fine I'll post :(

Ok now all of you can stop asking for pictures because this is embarrassing hahah.

Special thanks to Shok Teng who says I look fatter in this haircut -.-

Lol.

By the way my fringe is not bangs lahhh :(
It's sloped ok.
SLOPED!
>:(

Ms Tay's first reaction when she saw me was
"OMG Tessa what happened to you!"

Hahahha Ms Tay is so cute :)

Before she went home,
She told me.
"I need to go home and mark these horrendous pieces of work"

Then I was like
"I know Ms Tay. I bet you miss having me in your class because I was such a good student right."

Then she was like,
"I'm going home to puke now."

>:(!!
Hhahaha.

Ms Lock said
"Ah Tessol, you cut your hair arh."

"My name is not Tessol :("

"Then what's your name ah"

"Tessa!!!"

HAHAHA.
1 year already she still can't pronounce my name hah :(

I miss Ms Lock and Ms Tay they were such awsome teachers :(

Ms Lock has the Ice Cream phone!! :0
I think it's very pretty leh,
Hahah.
But my phone's still the best heh 8D

.....

Ok it's raining again and I need to complete my history homework before my Math tutor comes again :(

Easter party @ Sentosa tomorrow,
I don't wanna go for training.
How how how!! :(

I'm so sick of saturday training already lor.
Don't want to wake up early leh :(

"You stuck in my head
Like a song on the radio"

>:/

2009-04-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

Why.

Is it me?
I think it's me.

I suck at decision making.
I think I suck A LOT.
-.-

I thought I'd get something like what everyone else has.
But I guess fairytales and happy endings just don't go with me.

I want to blame everyone else:
Why is it always me that gets hurt?

But I guess it's ultimately my fault.

I just wanna know why.
Why me.

:(

2009-04-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

You save her,
But kill me
In the process.

:(

2009-04-06T19:47:00.000+08:00

Cause you left me with no love,
And no love to my name

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare

D:

2009-04-04T19:24:00.000+08:00

It's over,

You know it's over this time

I wanna die.

Today's training was totally wth.
Everyone was hoping that Coach would ask the whole C Div to get lost.

Cause we're out of Nationals already,
So we found no point in training anymore.

Interval was horrible.
Didn't meet my 6 rounds timing so had to run the 2 rounds in 2 minutes argh :(

I was like rubbing all my snot away the whole time
-.-

Did piomatrix (sp?) and Coach totally ignored us.
Seniors did triangle @ basketball court and Coach stood there while we were like slacking @ the netball court.
But the sun was damn friggin' hot so we were dying anyway.

Midway when I was doing piomatrix Coach made me go up to the indoor sports hall to do drills with seniors.

I was like,
Can drink water not?
-.- So took a sip but then Coach was in front of me so couldn't drink anymore :(

Did lob drill with Jaime and Angela it was kind of ok.
Halfway Coach gave us water break :)

But after we were done she only gave Jaime water break :(
She didn't give me just ask me go defend Diandra in half court.

Wth wth so tired and thirsty :(
Did finish,
Didn't get water break again -.-

Then Coach asked me to do triangle and those who havn't finish to do so.
Omg I did triangle finish in 20 mins manxx.

Chiong like -.-

My cooler today was so full.
So much water leftover cause so little water break uh! :(

This is like 3rd time Coach forgot to give me water break walao.

Coach came down to scold us cause we never keep the pole immediately after training?-.-
So now we gotta run extra @ the next training argh.

Damn tired.
Went home to eat porraige lol.

Fell asleep on the sofa :(

Woke up,
Showered,
Went down to go see doctor.

But all 4 doctors were closed -.-
Omg @ this point I was damn tired :(
Feel super sick now -.-

:( urh.
Life sucks now.
Tired sick and sad.

:(

2009-04-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

Oh :(

I'm trying to be strong.
I need to be strong.

I know I may seem frivolous and all,
But I'm just trying to comfort you in some whacked way :(

I'm not gonna crumble,
I'm not gonna break down,
I'm putting up a strong front for you.

I keep saying it's ok it's alright,
Everything's gonna work out.

But deep down inside I'm screaming,

Don't do this to me, please.

I want to wait,
I will wait.

>;(

2009-03-31T23:21:00.000+08:00

It's 11.21 pm.
This day is getting from bad to worse.

I need to start meditating man.
The crying needs to stop.

Or maybe I don't need to.
No one bothers anyway.

Once one have sinned does it mean that one is condenmed forever by his deeds?

Does it!?

Does repent and regret count for anything anymore?

I guess some people do not think so (for the latter).

Omg I should stop fucking up my life now.
Idiosyncrazies and impluses are getting me nowhere.

I wanna wake up from this contretemps.
Please?

A prayer,

2009-03-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy in the next.

Oh God,
I can't explain it,
But I know today that You are with me.

I know You'll hold me in the palm of Your hand.
I know You love me and will guide me.
I know there is nothing You won't do for me.

So Lord,
Please help me today.
Help me guide me to make the right decisions and not crumble under all the pressure.
Help me forgive the people who have sinned against me,
And let those I've sinned upon forgive me.

Dear Lord,
Also please help B.
Grant him a clear mind to think things through,
To be able to make the right decisions.
Grant him serenity,
To let him let You take control.

Also Lord,
Please grant J the wisdom and courage to forgive whoever has done her wrong,
Let her allow friends to help her,
And let her forgive me.

Amen

:(

2009-03-29T22:26:00.000+08:00

Baby I love you,
I really do.