Destiny

Rated K

Author's note: Thanks to Brittany for telling me how to spell 'engulf'. And yes, written on notepad again because my lappy sucks balls.

Ever since I was just a kid, I knew I was cursed. No, not a 'fuck, I just killed someone with my thoughts, again' kind of curse, but a, 'I can get everything I want but I can never be happy' kind of curse. As you can see, I'm just your typical teenage girl, but with a very sad twist.

When I was born, I already knew I was a mistake. My mother always told me that I just was not meant to be on this Earth. You see, when I popped out of my mum's vagina, I died. Ok, maybe I did not totally die yet, but I was choking. My face was a deep, harsh blue, and my limbs weren't moving at all. The doctors and nurses went about in a crazy frenzy trying to clear my airway, or whatever that was preventing me from taking that first, life-giving breath. Something about the pipe connecting my lungs with my nose and mouth being blocked by my body fluids that they just could not drain. They tried hard, and my mum always reminded me that the nurses said that in 99.9% of such cases, the newborns die. Though everyone - doctors, nurses, and my parents, did learn that day that I was a stubborn baby. Sort of like how I am a very stubborn kid now. After I was delivered and when the doctors decided they just could not clear that liquid that was choking me, they hooked me up to life support. The doctors solomnly told my parents that I would not likely survive the night and it was nothing less of a miracle that my heart was beating after delivery. Yes, my parents cried and sobbed their hearts out, but that would all change the next day when they found me alive and breathing a-okay, and definately not blue-faced. I don't know how I breathed again, and neither did the doctors. All of them referred to me as a 'medical miracle', and told my parents that I was as healthy as any other newborn. And so, my parents named me Destiny.

Things sort of got screwed up from that point onwards. I grew up ok though, no disfunctioning limbs or any of that stuff, but I learned to believe and agree with what my mum had said, that I was not meant to be on this Earth. Whenever relatives or friends of the family visit, they would always exclaim something like 'oh my! Look at Destiny and how pretty she is'. Maybe God pitied me for a bit for almost dying at birth, and decided to give me good looks, but whatever whacked-up analogy I decided to use, it still would not change the fact that I am drop-dead gorgeous. No, I'm not bragging, I am merely stating the truth. People say that 'eyes are the doors to your soul', and I agree with that. My eyes were big and round, soft at the edges, and my irises were grey. Yes I know, weird, but mostly, that is what attracts people to me the most, and I like to distract myself from all the stares by telling myself that they just want to have a peek at my soul, to see if it's still intact. I also have long, luscious, honey brown curls that spray down my back and frame my face perfectly, though sometimes it gets in my eyes and that irritates the hell out of me. I am not going to go into detail about my tonned and tanned body and all that shit, because basically I'm just like a real life barbie doll. On second thought, my looks were not a blessing, instead, they are the roots of my curse.

As I went from toddler to child, I had to attend school at my neighbourhood's run-down school, just like everyone else. I was smart, and I could easily pass any exam without studying, which I unethically took advantage of. School was never my thing, and I could never in a million years, understand how some freaks could spend 23 hours a day reading textbooks. Other than exams and studying in general, the most horrible thing about school had to be people. Boys, in particular. As you could have already guessed, boys were attracted to me like a metal to a magnet. I was not at all popular with the girls because of that fact - I was the 'boyfriend snatcher', but I still did have a pool of female 'worshippers'. Though I was flattered, it was quite irritating, especially since your desk would be filled with fresh, lustrous red roses every morning. School carried on like this, monotonously, until the day I met Adrian.

I would never forget the day I met him, because on that day, I learnt what love was, or so I foolishly thought. Adrian had been rusticated to our country by his parents, and had transferred to our school, all the way from France. Coincidentally, or call it fate, he had the same class schedule as me. During first period that day, our teacher, Mrs A., assigned Adrain the seat next to me, and I can still remember how the butterflies fluttered in my stomach as he strolled down the aisle and ever so gracfully took his seat. When he proceeded introduced himself, I lost myself in the smooth, symphonic accent of his, and practically drowned in those light blue eyes. That day, I knew that he was for me.

Days, weeks, and months passed, and naturally, we became better friends with time. The annual prom was coming, and as I sifted through the numerous invitations neatly piled on my table that morning, I could not find Adrian's. I made excuses for him though, thinking and brain washing myself to believe that he had something up his sleeve to surprise me. By the end of that day, though, nothing came, and I refused to let Adrian walk me home, as he had ever since his sixth day of school here. I thought we had something special - heck, who was I kidding? We did have something, because normal friends would not hold hands, normal friends would not spend almost every waking second with each other, and normal friends definately do not make out on a regular basis. Despite all that, we never really did labelled ourselves as each other's "the one", and that would be because of Adrian.

I knew what we were doing was wrong - fuck, it was worse than wrong, but I clung on to him, because I thought there was hope. You see, Adrian has a girlfriend. She lives in France, and Adrian did mention once to me that she was coming here to come and live with Adrian, sometime during November, which happens to be now. And I also did catch that Adrian could not be 'with' me anymore, because he really loved his girlfriend. But I could not cope with that fact, because this is my curse.

I am beautiful, yes. I am smart, yes. I have millions of suitors, yes. But I have been cursed, and the curse will never let me truly enjoy love. Yes, Adrian and I did 'break up', if we ever were together in the first place. And yes, my heart shattered into a million pieces. The curse does not allow me to let go, it kills me slowly, eating my insides and sucking the life out of the outside. It is like being torn apart, limb by limb, and no one is there to save you. I will be left there, bleeding everything out, and no one would be able to hear even one decibel of my ear-piercing screams. The curse will never let me enjoy 'true love', it only lets me have affairs (screwed, I know). Thus, that was how John, Brandon, Isaac, Tyler and Craig came into my life. And everytime it could no longer go on, I would have to go through the whole antagonizing experience of seperation again. Fuck, I utterly abhorred the curse. But curse or no curse, life had to go on, and it did not care whether I was suffering or not.

Then it all changed.

I still remember vividly, it was on the 12th of April that I took my virgin glance at him. It was an extremely hot day, and I was grabbing my usual latte at the Starbucks down the street. I was alone, enjoying the cold, air-conditioned room, and doing what I always do when I'm alone at Starbucks - people watch. My eyes peered past the pristine, glass windows, onto the streets, and up again to random strangers. I saw the norm - couples, beggers, teenagers, families. Then my eyes sourced to the right, and I saw him. He was alone, walking briskly, but making an impact with every step. With him he carried an old, brown, leather suitcase, and a cellphone in the other hand. When he walked in, it was like time stopped running. His soft, brown hair danced in the wind, around his face, whilst his eyes sparkled under the flourescent lights. Without pause, he continued walking towards the counter and ordered a coffee. As he scanned the area, looking for a seat, he started approaching my table. I still know how much my palms sweated, and how I bit my fingernails into my thighs. He came right in front of me and asked if he could have a seat. I must have looked pretty dumb right then, my whole body frozen, my jaw almost touching the wooden floor. But he just chuckled and took the seat directly in front of me.

"Come here often?"

I stared at him a little more, probably about to go into shock, but I managed to compose myself to utter something that I hoped came across as a 'yes'. He laughed softly this time, shaking his head.

"Look, I need to go now, but I'll see you around I guess? By the way, I'm Damien."
"Erm, yeah, erm, ok. Erm, I'm erm, Destiny. Erm. Bye."
"Haha, bye, Destiny."

And that was my first encounter with him, albiet quite a failed one, on my part, anyway. The next few days were spent at Starbucks, sitting at that same glossy topped table, hoping for Damien to walk through the door again. On the fourteenth day, he did. He recognised me immediately and waved. I gave a little smile and waited for him to come over.

"So, what's a pretty girl like you doing all cooped up at Starbucks?"
"Erm, actually, waiting for you, I guess."
"Oh."

His eyes darted away at that moment, and we sat still in the awkward silence. Shit, I knew I screwed it up, I should have just kept my big mouth shut. I threw my head down, as if that could save me from all the embarrassment I had just caused myself.

"Hey, Destiny."

I slowly lifted my head up, only to recieve a warm smile from him.

"Yes, Damien?"
"Do you erm, want to go for a walk or something? I bet all the time you spend in here is going to make you claustraphobic if we don't get out soon."
"Haha, I would love that."

So our first date commenced, and we strolled along to the nearby park. The weather was kind, too. Not blazing hot, and there was actually a small breeze. We walked in silence, but it was not the awkward silence like before. I enjoyed his company, and I guess he enjoyed mine, too. We continued, pacing slowly down the stone paved route through a small forest, admiring nature at it's best. After awhile, he sat down on an old wooden bench, and patted the space next to him. I carefully took the seat next to him, and we glanced up together at the stunning full moon.

"It's a lovely night, isn't it?"

He broke the silence bubble we had resided in, and I was a little shocked.

"Erm, yeah, the moon's lovely."
"Yes, I think so, too. But it's getting late, I ought to get you home."

I had to use all my strength to stop my lungs from screaming out 'no!', but Damien was right, it was getting quite late, and I needed to get home before my parents got worried. Thus, I reluctantly agreed, and we walked back to my place, in that same comfortable silence that blanketed us, and that I was starting to enjoy.

"This's my block. Thanks, Damien."
"No problem, Destiny. I hoped today was good."
"Yes it was, thank you. It was a nice stroll."
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."
"I hope you did, too."

With that said, he pulled me into a hug with his big, strong hands, and I melted into his body. I closed my eyes, taking in the scent of him, and telling myself how he smelled just like spring. The places on my body burned where ever he touched me, but in a good way. Then just as suddenly as it happened, he pulled me away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know where that came from, I just, I felt compelled to do that."
"It's ok. Look, here's my number."

I blushed and he grinned as I recited my mobile number, and with that, he disappeared into the night.

When I got to my bedroom, I jumped onto my bed, pulling the ends of my mouths to my eyes in a lip-splitting smile. 'Maybe the curse's gone, afterall,' I thought to myself. I fell asleep in that delirious state, and woke up to my phone ringing. Quickly, I tumbled out of bed and flipped open my phone.

"Hi."
"Hi Destiny, Damien here."

My heart pulpitated and I thought my rib cage was going to give way. I even started slapping myself to see if I was truly awake, or if it was just a really good dream. But my face tainted itself red in anger, and I knew I was truly awake.

"Oh hi Damien."
"Er, hi. I was just wondering if you'd like to get a coffee or something?"
"Sure, when?"
"Actually I'm already at Starbucks."
"Ok, I'll be there in a sec."

I hung up and hurried to the bathroom, and showered in record time. Pulling all my clothes out of my closet, I grabbed whichever garment in mid-air that first caught my eye. Still pulling up my denim jeans, I raced down the stairs, out the door, and towards Starbucks. My hair swayed and flew as I sprinted down the two blocks. When I did finally reach, I quickly took a deep breath and composed myself. With confidence, I pushed open the glass doors and strolled to the table Damien was sitting at.

"Hey," I said.
"Hey. Erm, I bought you a latte, I hope it's ok, because I saw you drinking this the last time."
"Oh, it's ok. Thank you."

We continued sitting in our usual silent bubble, whilst sipping our coffee at intervals.

"So erm, I was wondering if you'd like to go for dinner?"
"Yes, I'd like that," I replied.

He took my hand, and my heart did the same thing as when he hugged me, but this time it was about ten times more vigorous. Still encapsulated in our little bubble, he walked with me, hand in hand, down two more streets, to a chinese restaurant.

"I hope you don't mind."
"No I don't, I love chinese food."

He gently guided me into the restaurant, where we sat at the corner, side by side. He then proceeded to pick up the battered menu and started skimming through it.

"What would you like, Destiny?"
"Oh, I'm ok with anything, don't mind me."
"Ok, I'll just order, eat whatever you want."

I immediately regretted my words once the food came. Plate after plate came, piled with a large variety of food - all sorts of dumplings, buns, rice and noodles. Steam wafted from every one of them, and I grimaced slightly at the sight of all that food.

Damien caught my expression though, and asked, "why? Do you not like the food?"
"Oh no, I truly love it, it looks amazing. It's just, well actually, it's a little too much."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just didn't know what you prefer, so I ordered a little of everything."

I swooned at his comment, and gave him a reassuring smile before digging in. He loosened up, too, at my gesture, and we ate. After the filling meal, he took my hand once again and walked me home. During the walk, I felt my insides warming up. 'Maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe it'll actually work out,' I tried to brainwash myself. I chanted that to myself, and did not notice that I was already standing at my door step until Damien tapped me lightly.

"You're home, dear."
"Sorry, was just thinking. Thanks again for sending me home."
"No problem. I guess I'll see you soon."
"I guess."
"See you, have a good night, Destiny."
"You too, Damien."

He pulled me into another of his bear hugs and we stayed there for what seemed like forever. I cherished that moment, slowly remembering his touch, his warmth, slowly memorizing each and every inch of his body. He finally let me go, and I went back home. Days carried on like this, meeting at Starbucks, and going on crazy adventures with each other. And as each day passed, we grew closer, sharing secrets, sharing comfort. It was on the fifty eighth day that he first kissed me, and I would always remember the softness of his plump lips, the sparks that flew between us. On the hundred and thirtieth second day, I lost my virginity to him. It was a mind-blowing experience, and I remembered how I felt whole when he penetrated me. We had cuddled afterwards, not breathing a word, just laying there in each other's arms, taking in all the sweetness. At this point, I really, truly believed that the curse had said it's last goodbye and was finally releasing me from it's torturous grip. But on the two hundred and third day, I learnt the cold, horrible truth that it did not.

The day started out just like any other, us sitting comfortably at our usual table, sipping the rich coffee and inhaling it's pleasent aroma. Damien had said that he wanted to take me to some place, and so I had let him. He brought me back to the park where we first strolled, and we sat on the exact same bench.

"Destiny, I need to tell you something."
"Yes, Damien?"
"We can't do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"We can't carry on like this anymore. Look I know I'm being-"
"You're breaking up with me?"
"Destiny, baby, listen."

Tears swamped my eyes, but I blinked them back and tried to listen.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place because ultimately, I knew this was inevitable."
"Uh,"
"You see, I'm married. Yes I know, you have all the right to be angry with me, and hit me if you want, because I'm truly sorry to know how much I'm going to hurt you, how I'm already hurting you."
"But I love you!"
"Yes, I know, and I loved you, too. But we can't, we can't do this, Destiny. And I'm really sorry it had to come to this."
"But-"
"Hush, my dear. I know whatever I say will never heal your wounds that I have inflicted, but I can't do this anymore, do you not understand?"
"Please. Don't. Damien, you mean everything to me! You make me complete. I can't, I can't live without you. Please don't do this to me, please. You won't know how much it'll hurt."
"I have to."

And with that, he got up and walked away. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and sobbed my heart out. The fucking curse. It had never left. I was absolutely sick and tired of this curse, and my mother's words came into my mind again - 'I was not meant to be on this Earth'. She was right, I was not meant to be on this Earth. What was the use of living if you were never happy? If you had to live every day wallowing in your own tears, harbouring your ever wounded heart? I wiped away the last of my tears and stood up. I slowly paced further down the park, where it ended and broke into the sea. What was the use of living if you were cursed? If it never allowed you to live in the first place, if everyday you suffered in silence, if everyday you were hurting so bad you think your body is ripping itself apart. I reached the shore, and I glanced out toward the open ocean.

It was a lovely night, the moon was full and bright, just like the first time Damien and I.. Ok, I had to stop thinking about him, it was fucking over! Anger welled up inside of me, clashing with the sadness that was already over-flowing, reminding me that I was cursed. There was really no use to be alive, to have been saved from death once, if living was to be like this for the rest of my life. What was the use of continuously torturing myself if it only meant short bursts of happiness? I took off my shoes, and walked further down the shore, towards the sea. I guess the answer for all of my questions was that, no, it was not worth it. It was not worth the never ending pain, the silent suffering. Heck, it was never even worth it in the first place. And with that last thought, I walked further into the majestic ocean, and did not stop until the salty water covered my head, engulfing me, until it burned my lungs, and until it drowned all the pieces of my broken heart.


The End
xoxo 11:01 PM