The past few days have set me thinking.
Maybe I should relook at my potential career options and put philosopher close to the top of the list.

It's a universal truth that life is unfair.
Even if you were Cinderella; you've got your prince, fairygodmother, talking animals, and in the end you even get your glass slipper back.
But she had two bitches of step sisters that made her life miserable even after she got married.
So yeahh. Life's still unfair for her because she did nothing wrong and even in her time of well deserved bliss, she still gets bugged.

And that was what I was thinking about.
We can't make life fair; because we can't bend natural laws in our favour.
What we can do, though, is to change the unfairness to work in our favour.
So what if the step sisters bug her?
Cinderella can choose to ignore them and refuse their efforts to demoralize her.
She can rise above the occassion and turn the other cheek against their inanity.
And we should try to do that too.

My life is unfair; undoubtly more unfair as compared to kids my age if I dare compare so.
But I've faced events and problems some I wished I never had to go through.
I've faced losing my family forever a total of three times,
I've faced losing my own sanity about a hundred times,
I've been through police interrogation for something I was not guilty for,
I've been through countless medical treatments that make me cry so hardly, and non-stop till the doctor decides to give up,
I've been through countless rounds of councelling to assess my mental health and idiosyncrasies,
I've done illegal stuff I know I can be fined for,
I've mutilated my body to the point that I'm disgusted with it now,
But even as it hurts so badly recounting every single experience that no child my age - or any age in fact, should go through, I choose not to place emphasis on the actual events, but rather, what I stand to gain from them.

Yes, when I was younger and foolish - not that I'm not foolish now, just lesser so, I was full of anger and abhorrance for every one that damned me,
And for every person that had hurt me, taken advantage of me, and made a fool of me.
But once the anger is over, I come to realise that it is useless and not beneficial in any way.

First of all, anger makes you ugly.
And no one wants to be ugly, including me.
Even though what they did, and what I did, may scar me for life emotionally and psycologically,
I want to heal the scars, not aggravate and harness them.

Yes, life was crudely unfair to me.
My heart aches for every child who has to go through even one of those life shaking moments I had to go through.
I would especially like to relinquish the medical ordeals,
Because those are the worst.

The doctor is rough with you, and he insists there is no pain.
But after the first prode into your body, you realise he lied and you start screaming and kicking in a paroxysm of pain.
But the nurses hold you down and he continues to stick foreign stuff into your body.
So you continue crying and crying, with no one caring.
After the ordeal, the doctor actually reprimands you for your behavior and says you deserve it,
Then asks you to put on your clothes as if nothing ever happened.
He wants a blood sample next, and you run out of the room.
You get forced to go in again.
This time no one cares about what you think or what you feel, because all they want it yor blood; and they were going to get it by hook or by crook.

I used to hate the person who hurt me so much I had to go through that check up.
I hated and I cursed and I sweared because it ached so damn much that I thought I was going to die.
I hated it that my body was being so violently violated all because of that person.
I went into a state of closure and depression after that, and didn't talk to anyone.

But after awhile, I came to realise that, why should I put myself through such misery if it doesn't benefit anyone?
If it doesn't benefit myself nor was contributary to my recovery?
Yes life was unfair.
But I decided to push it aside.
What's done is done.
No one can puppet the hands of time as it crawls at the same throbbing rate every day, for all the days.

You can always wish that you could go back to the past and do things differently.
I mean, who wouldn't want that?
You could always say that 'I wished I had done that' or 'I wished that I had cherished this or that more' etc. etc.
But it would never benefit you.

I used to dwell on every thing I wished I could have changed.
I always told myself, 'what if things were like this, or what if things were like that?'
I always pictured my dreams in reality, the dream whereby there were picturesque skylines and I was safe; where I didn't have to go through life shattering ordeals, where I didn't have to be sad and hurt, where I didn't have to feel so miserable and hollow, where I wasn't exposed to the horrors of the world, where I could live in my own fairytale, where I could dictate my own future and choose only the happiest moments, where I could have the life I would lead the most willingly.
But the fact is - you will never get it.

It's a dangerous cycle.
You keep thinking and imagining this 'perfect' life.
You keep wishing it will happen.
But you know the fact that it won't, you just don't want to acknowledge it, because you've gotten so used to your fantasy that it's blurring the line between reality and fact.
And that's exactly what I did.

It was truly wonderful; to be living in the world you wanted.
But once reality smacks you right in the face like how you'd walk into a glass window, it really stings.
You will spiral into a state of depression of sorts, because it feels as if you've been shoved into a completely different world.
A world whereby you're suddenly exposed to everything the world can throw to you again, and a world whereby reality is harsh.

It's hard to accept at first, and it also pains a lot.
It was gruesome for me to try to pull myself back into the real world,
And it tore me apart.

So why try to control time?
Why continue mopping around about something I cannot change?
Why should I be miserable and let others who wanted to see me in this state be happy?
So I turned the consequences around and decided to pick myself up.
I starting living again.

I watched a movie before, and it said:
"When life throws you lemons, make lemonade."
So I've made tons of lemonade, but that doesn't mean I hadn't swallowed twice as much lemons before.

Life is unfair, but you can make it fair according to your own terms.
Don't seek revenge on those who have inflicted harm on you, but find ways to help improve their lives.
Don't wish ill to them, but let them know that you'll keep them in your prayers.
Don't habour anger in your heart, but instead turn your efforts into making them happy.
Don't devulge in self-pity, but show sympathy and empathy for them.
Don't see the plight in your own situation, but help them to relieve them of theirs.

Do all these, because life is such.
There is no use to make the lives of others miserable because they have made yours as such.
Always treat others as you wish they treat you.

Don't ponder of all the extremities life has thrown to you to suffer with.
Instead, choose to see the learning points from these ordeals, and in turn, grow into a greater person.
You gain nothing from being angry and throwing fits, but you learn from the world when you open up and help others.
Do not dwell on life's unfairness toward you, because there will always be someone out there who is suffering more than you.
Always see the light in your situation,
Because the will of God will never send you to a place where the grace of God won't protect you.

And I guess that's all I've learnt from all my past ordeals.
And I don't curse or blasphemise because all those unfairness were imposed on me.
But instead I choose to turn the situations to my favour,
Because I want to life to it's fullest, because life is short.

And you should too.


*Though I'm in no way saying that what I've said is the right way to tackle life, because it's just my experiences and opinions, :)
xoxo 2:27 PM